All About Your Child

Ok, I have said before, I can’t pin-point the happiest event or the happiest day of my life as a MOMMY, but I definitely can tell you the WORST DAY or rather the WORST EVENT that happened to me being a Mommy.

Thank you (the majority) for your votes for today’s post. *Muack*

Here goes…..

Keatkeat was barely 2 years old, still wearing his diapers and haven’t given up his pacifier yet. Binbin was just a chubby little baby lying comfortably in the Baby-Sling across my shoulder. (THE LADY IN THE PICTURE IS NOT ME.) I showed the photo so that you’ve got a better picture of how I carried Binbin.

I was having a day off from my stall. I missed my kids too much. So I brought them out to the supermarket. We bought a pack of toilet rolls, the kids’ diapers, a 1.5 litres of detergent, Allan and my shampoo (we use different brands).

Could you imagine how full my hands were? I could hardly walk properly with one hand completely belonged to my wobbly 2-year-old, Keatkeat, holding his small hand tightly. The other arm was full of the shopping stuff. The back of my shirt was completely soaked with perspiration.

I was well-known for perspiring freely since young. So when I was in the Chinese Dance Group for my extra-curriculum activities during Secondary School, I had to put on double-layer of cosmetic, or they will be washed off (probably) even before I’m up on the stage for the performance.

It was really terrible then. All my friends would be wearing make-up when we go shopping, but I’ll only put on my lipstick, or else I’ll look like I’m going for a Halloween party, especially if I had my mascara on.

Ok, so we were done with our shopping and were waiting for the feeder bus to bring us home. While we were in the queue at the bus terminal, I felt some warm stuff splashing on my feet. I looked down and saw a thick greenish substance on the floor, just below Keatkeat’s feet.

I thought he accidentally stepped onto the gross slime on the floor and pulled him away. But I was wrong. COMPLETELY WRONG. The gooey slime was flowing down his legs.

Everyone in the queue backed off, the smell was really appalling! I’ve never smelled something that bad before, it’s like a 2 day-old-vomit, kept in an air-tight container that’s splashed onto your face!

In less than 1 minute, the houseflies came and devoured the green pool and started to hovered around Keatkeat’s bum.

I was puzzled. Keatkeat had his diapers on right? Then how could the diarrhea come out? Could it have over-flowed?

Everyone was looking at us, it was extremely embarrassing. I wished I could be as silly as an ostrich, to dig a hole in the ground, bury my head in and think that no one could see me.

I scooped up the still-haven’t-got-a-clue-what’s-going-on Keatkeat, together with all the other heavy stuff from the supermarket, and went behind the 2 storey shop-houses nearby.

As we moved away, aunties, girls and boys in school uniforms were whispering and mumbling away….I shut my ears so as not to hear some unpleasant comments, or I’ll probably turn back and give them the deadly stare.

Luckily Binbin was super cooperative. Wasn’t cranky at all even though the shopping bags were fighting for space with him against my chest.

Finally I found a quiet place behind one of the shops. I was ready to discard everything that’s on my 2-year-old. Even his new shoes which we bought 1 month ago. As I put him down, I realised he had stained some of the plastic shopping bags and my T-shirt!

When the diaper was off, I noticed that the gooey greenish shit was too thick to be absorbed by the diapers, resulted it to over-flow. And when I was half-way removing his terribly smelly shoes, houseflies from no-where came and join in the fun. They irritated the puzzled Keatkeat, “why is Mommy taking off my pants here?” Keatkeat started to whine and refused to cooperate.

As if the day was determined to make it the ‘Ultimate Unlucky Day of My Life’, it started to rain!!! Singapore’s weather is really so unpredictable! It was sunny a while ago, you know!!!

I plucked out his dirty shoes and socks. In super fast-forward speed, I transferred the 2 bottle of shampoo into the plastic bag holding the detergent, trusting the strength of the bag, but prepared for the worst. The rain was getting heavier…..we were getting our hair washed now….

With the empty plastic bag, I threw in the stinky shoes, socks, pants and soiled diaper; threw that pack of junk into the dustbin, which was conveniently standing beside me and head back into the shelter; frantically looking for another quiet place to continue my dirty job. But there isn’t a quiet place. With the sudden downpour, everyone was taking shelter too.

By this time, everyone was staring at the 3 of us like as if we were filming a drama. I was trying to juggle the bulky stuff together with the half-naked and shoeless Keatkeat, at the same time controlling my pressure on Binbin who was still very cooperative lying in the sling.

Finally, there was this stairway that leads up to the second floor of the shop houses. It was less crowded but still, there were spectators. Come to think of it, there wasn’t a single kind soul who came forward and asked if I needed help, which I terribly NEEDED an extra pair of hands.

I cleaned Keatkeat’s legs with care. Fully utilizing every inch of each tissue paper, ‘cos I’m only left with 4 pieces! Tell me how UNLUCKY am I?

The only Clever or Lucky thing I did was – I BOUGHT A WHOLE PACK OF DIAPERS. So I tore the plastic packaging with my razor sharp fingernails and pulled a brand new nicely folded diaper out. Opened up his short legs and wore it for him in a standing position. It wasn’t a pull-up, so it took some time to get it in position.

By then, all the shopping bags which sat on the floor were wet with rainwater that flowed in. Keatkeat couldn’t walk because he didn’t have his shoes anymore. So there I go again, hugging all the stuff on one arm and Keatkeat gripped below my other armpit.

We went back to the place where the nightday-mare started and waited for the feeder bus again. The heavy downpour had ‘diluted’ the thick slimy poo and so it didn’t smell so bad as before. We waited for about 5mins, my arms were on the verge of having a cramp!

The moment we got up the bus, the other passengers who went up before us were either pinching their noses or fanning their faces. I could hear them say, “Ohhhh….what’s that smell?! So smelly! Where is it coming from?!” Oh yes, MY SHIRT!

I couldn’t discard my shirt like the way I did for Keatkeat’s pants right? I couldn’t have gone topless with just my bra right? I have used every piece of tissue paper to clean Keatkeat’s legs and have forgotten about my shirt.

The ride home took another 5mins. Another Lucky thing – there were shelters all the way from the bus-stop to my house. I can feel the sore in my arms. The strain was becoming unbearable. My legs tried to be faster but were limited.

When I got home. I put down little Binbin and the stuff, carried Keatkeat into the bathroom, stripped myself, threw away the shirt which may not even smell nice after 10 washes, and ended the most disastrous day of my Life as a Mommy. *Phew* This is truly by-far, the Worst Day of my life as a Mommy!

-The End-

Oh people, tell me I’m not the only one, to make me feel better, won’t you?

I love to read comments and yesterday’s comments made me laugh (especially Clement’s) as much as I had made you guys laugh at my misery….hummm…sounds a little ironic…

Wanna thank some of you for your concerns….I managed to get the long-overdue-shit out this morning….

Anyhow, as promise, I’m going to tell you more shitty stuff today. Are you gonna puke already?

More than 15 years ago, I was working in a Child Care Centre supervised by my Church Friend. Yes, I was rather under-aged then, but she recognised that I have a way with handling kids and with the many years of giving tuition to kids, I became the English teacher for the Kindergarten 1 class, for a period of time when the form-teacher for that class was pre-occupied somewhere else.

I’ll not be revealing the Child Care Centre’s name, ‘cos it was not right to give such a responsibility to an untrained teacher like me, luckily none of the parents knew. Yes it was wrong but my Church Friend couldn’t find a replacement in such a short time.

Being so young, it was an honour. Everything felt so right. Every kid in the entire centre loves me, ‘cos I was the story-telling teacher in the morning assembly and the evening assembly; and my story telling is always full of jokes and actions…..almost 50 kids going crazy and having fun in that room, at the beginning and the end of the day…..

……I remember it was raining that day……

I was half-way through my evening assembly story, with the kids were all up on their feet making funny actions, suddenly every kid ran out of the 4meter by 2meter long carpet. Leaving the most timid and soft spoken boy I’ve ever met (till this day), standing at the center of the carpet. His name is Edwin. He was from my class – Kindergarten one.

I was shocked at first at the unison action by all the kids. Then I WAS SHOCKED TO SEE THE REASON for their action.

Gooey-slimy-greenish-extremely-stinky fluid came out of Edwin’s pants. No, not his pants, I mean his anus hidden in his pants!

I have never ever seen such gross sight in my life then (‘cos many years later, my Keatkeat showed me the exact same slime when he was 2 years old, in PUBLIC – oh dear that’s another shit tale I can post, provided you guys are not vomitting already after 2 shit posts), it was horrifying.

The carpet was super thirsty or rather hungry. It was sucking in the ‘food‘ generously provided by Edwin. The flow doesn’t seem like it was gonna stop at all!

I stood there speechless, with my jaw still hanging as every kid from age 1+ to 6 were holding their noses and pointing at the Star of the Show, still motionless standing on the middle of the carpet, making sounds like “Eeeeeeee…..Yucks…..so dirty….SO Smelly”

Poor Edwin started to cry, that woke me up. How could a boy with such quiet character handle such embarrassing moment. I was afraid he would run away. That would be worst. The shit would be all over the place leaving tracks behind, like the green creature in Ghost Busters. (picture courtesy of Google Images)

The auntie who cooks and cleans for the centre, became the director of the act. She instructed me to carry Edwin to the toilet while the other teachers carry the heavy (now that its so gooey) carpet out of the centre.

The centre is located at the basement, so there wasn’t any windows for us to open to air the place. It’s completely air-conditioned.

Could you imagine the smell?! It was sooooo strong! It smelt like the poo of someone who ate rotten meat MIXED WITH the poo of someone who ate smelly cheese! EeeeW! It was fainting-ly-smelly!

But it was raining remember? So the carpet was brought up the stairs and left in the rain. They were so afraid that the rain would wash the shit down the stairs back into the centre, so all the 5 teachers decided to walk further away from the entrance. Without umbrellas, they were like wet ducks walking on heels!

Though I was under shelter, I was bathing Edwin, so I was not that dry either. The greenish-slimy-shit was dropping off his buttocks and legs and splashing onto my feet! *Urrrghhhh*

I tried to chat with Edwin, asking all the inappropriate questions for such a moment, like,

“Edwin, what’s your favourite colour.” (how I wished he didn’t say GREEN, but he did!)

“What would you like to draw when you have a blank piece of paper.”

“Who do you like best at home…..”

you know, I was desperate to ease the tension off the boy, I needed to get him distracted one way or another. If he could bathe himself, I’ll probably do a clown dance in front of him. It’s heart-breaking to see children cry, especially a super obedient and completely harmless boy like Edwin.

Then I realised he doesn’t have any shirt to wear, ‘cos the shirt he brought was already soaked with prespiration this afternoon before he went for the noon bath. But I couldn’t leave him shivering in the air-conditioned place till his mommy come right?

So I dugged out his full-of-saltiness-smelly shirt from his bag and get him dressed.

As we head back to the assembly room, the smell was unbearable. Even Edwin pinched his nose as we stepped in. Auntie was still cleaning the shit which WENT THROUGH the carpet. All the other children were sent back to their own classes to wait for their parents to come and fetch them home.

But Edwin refused. I understand why, after how his friends reacted to his uncontrollable motion, so I sat down with him at the stairway near the entrance. Luckily the tramautised boy’s Mommy came early today. I explained to her why her son smells like a pail of sweat and the centre smelled like SHIT.

Unemotionally, she told me that he had diarrhea last night too…

(Oh dear parents. If your kid is sick, especially when he or she had diarrhea the previous day, please don’t bring him or her to school or child care centre, the teachers can be spared from ALOT OF UNNECCESSARY CHAOS! Thank you very much!)

Being located at the basement was really a big problem. The smell stayed on for A WEEK!!! And the carpet? After a unanimous vote, the carpet was thrown away! The stain was almost 1 meter in diameter. Unbelievable? BELIEVE IT!

Did you throw out your dinner last night after 2 gross-y posts?

So who wants to hear my boy’s unimaginable greenish-slimy-shit mishap which happened in Public? *laugh*

(I’ll tell if there were more than 50% of you who are still so keen on such gross stuff) LOL I’ve got a feeling I’m losing a handful of you after 2 days of Shit! LOL