My Childhood

My Childhood

Shortly after I was born, my parents left me in the care of my aunt. They visited only on weekends, so naturally, I wasn’t close to them. To me, my aunt was my mum. She was the one I knew, the one I was attached to, and the one I called home.

When I was 5, my parents decided to bring me home. (Beats me why it took them 5 years to come to that decision! ????)

Those were difficult days. Imagine being taken away from the only home you had ever known and suddenly having to live with two people who felt like complete strangers. I cried. A LOT.

Two years later, my younger sister was born.

YAY! A playmate?!

NOPE! ????

At the tender age of 7, I found myself learning how to care for a tiny baby who seemed to do nothing but cry, eat, sleep and poopoo!

Why?

Because Mum had a gambling addiction. Mahjong was a huge part of her life, and she would frequently disappear for her gambling sessions, leaving me to care for my sister.

Meanwhile, Dad was working three jobs to support the family and was hardly home.

As Mum’s gambling addiction grew, so did the problems at home. Arguments became frequent, and sometimes they escalated into violence. Whenever my parents were together, the quarrelling seemed endless until Mum left the house, only to sneak back in during the wee hours of the morning.

Over the years, I tried everything I could think of to change the situation.

Counselling? Tried that.

Locking Mum inside the house to stop her from going out to gamble? Tried that too.

Did anything work?

Unfortunately, no.

Eventually, the gambling debts caught up with us, and loan sharks started appearing at our doorstep.

For approximately two years, we lived under the constant pressure of their harassment. Dad, who already had a heart condition, struggled under the mounting stress. He eventually passed away at the age of 54.

After his passing, my husband Allan and I came up with a plan to help Mum settle her debts — approximately S$50,000 plus interest, owed to eight loan sharks and numerous friends and relatives.

But there was one condition.

She had to stop gambling. Otherwise, my sister and I would cut ties with her.

We genuinely believed that losing her children’s love and presence would be the last thing any mother would want.

Sadly, we underestimated the grip her addiction had on her.

She continued gambling.

And eventually, my sister and I made the painful decision to walk away.

We lost contact with Mum until 2006, when we received a phone call from the hospital.

She had passed away at the age of 59.

Looking Back, With a Different Pair of Eyes

If you had asked me years ago how I felt about my mother, my answer would have been filled with hurt, disappointment and resentment.

But today?

Gratitude.

Yes, you read that correctly. GRATITUDE. ??

Not because I approve of what happened, or because those experiences were pleasant. Far from it!

But because I have come to recognise what I discovered about myself through those years.

Growing up in an environment filled with uncertainty meant that I had to learn to think on my feet, find solutions and deal with situations that many children my age never had to face.

Without realising it, I was developing resilience, resourcefulness and the ability to remain strong when life became difficult.

Those experiences helped me discover the warrior and fighter within me.

Today, when faced with challenges, I don’t easily crumble. I look for solutions. And when things don’t go the way I hope, I remind myself:

“This too shall pass. It’s just a phase, not a death sentence.”

I’ve also learned to let go of negativity much more easily. Why allow one unpleasant experience to rob me of the joy I could be experiencing in the next moment?

One of the greatest realisations I’ve had over the years is that there are no good or bad experiences. There are simply experiences.

What makes the difference is what we choose to do with them.

We can dwell on what happened, remain trapped in the past and allow those memories to dictate how we live.

OR…

We can learn from them, discover something about ourselves and evolve into a better version of who we are.

I have also come to understand that life happens not TO us, not FOR us, but AS us.

When we learn to understand and manage our own mental and emotional states, we realise that no experience has the power to break us or lift us unless we allow it to.

And that is why I no longer carry resentment towards Mum.

I cannot change what happened, and I don’t need to.

The little girl who once felt helpless grew up to become a woman who knows she has choices in how she responds to life.

Mum may never have realised it, but the experiences I had with her played a significant role in shaping the woman I am today.

So, Mum, wherever you are, thank you. ??

How My Childhood Shaped My Parenting Journey

Growing up, money was always a struggle. I started giving tuition at a young age to earn my own money.

I was also fortunate to have the opportunity to work at a childcare centre for three years, where I learned many practical ways of understanding and managing children’s behaviour.

And being the curious person that I am, I started putting those techniques to the test on practically every child who crossed my path!

Guess what?

Many of those little tricks WORKED! ?

But beyond the techniques and knowledge, my childhood had already planted a very important seed in me.

If I ever became a mother, I wanted my children to grow up knowing, without a doubt, that they were loved.

I wanted to be present in their lives, to listen, to understand and to give them the attention and emotional security that I had longed for as a child.

Now, don’t get me wrong!

Loving children doesn’t mean spoiling them rotten or allowing them to do whatever they please.

I believe children need boundaries, guidance and consequences, just as much as they need love, respect and understanding.

And here’s something else I’ve learned along the way.

Every child is different.

What works beautifully for one child may not work for another. Parenting isn’t about following a rigid set of rules or producing the perfect child.

It’s about understanding the unique little human being in front of us and growing alongside them.

Looking back, I can see how my childhood experiences, my years working with children and eventually my own journey as a mother have all contributed to the way I understand parenting today.

What began as a little girl’s determination to give her future children a different childhood eventually grew into something much bigger.

A passion for understanding children, nurturing relationships and helping others recognise the power they have to shape their own experiences.

And that, in many ways, is how All About Your Child came to be. ??

Why “All About Your Child”?

Because everyone was once a child. And in many ways, we still are.

Some of us carry a happy, carefree child within us, while others carry a child with emotional wounds that have yet to heal. And no matter how old we become, there’s always that playful, cheeky, sometimes mischievous little child hiding somewhere inside us. ?

We may grow older, but we’re constantly growing and evolving through life’s experiences.

My children are children. I am a child. And so are YOU!

As you read through my blog, some stories may resonate with you, some may trigger emotions or bring your own experiences to the surface, while others may invite you to pause, reflect and perhaps discover something new about yourself.

Whatever you take away from these pages, I hope you’ll remember one thing:

No matter how grey our hair becomes or how many wrinkles appear on our faces, the child within us never truly grows old. ??

And THAT is why this blog is called All About Your Child.

Because it’s not just about MY children or YOUR children.

It’s about the child in ALL of us.