Reward vs Punishment

Parenting

This has always been a debate.
However, you would not know till you try.
Most importantly, every child is different.
There is no right or wrong, but this is my view.

To me, reward is better than punishment IF MOTIVATING is the main reason.
The kids followed me to my Body Fat Loss class on Wednesday. I wanted to make sure that I get no interruption from them when I was sharing infront of the class, so while we were in the car, on the way to the venue, I said: “Kiddos, you MUST ‘leave me alone’ when we are there. Do not talk to me, if you have any request, go to Papa. If the two of you are able to do that, I will give the two of you a surprise tomorrow, ok?”

Kitkit: “Orh. Ok. I hope its not ice-cream.”
Binbin: “Ok. Are you going to bring us to a place?”

Me: “You’ll know tomorrow. IF you can do what I said earlier.”

I could have changed the sentence to “If you two did not do that, I will punish the two of you.”

Its just a change of words, but the impact on the kids will be very different.
One, is Motivated to get the surprise.
The other, is Fear of not doing it right.

I do not want my children to live in fear.
I like them to feel motivated and have the mindset of looking forward to the future.
Hence, I choose to give reward and not to threaten with punishment.

And they behaved soooooooooooo well!!!
So much so that one of my Singapore Partners came over and said: “Your boys are good. Very well-behaved. Volunteered themselves to help out and do their own things without disturbing.”
(oh well, they brought UNO and some small toys.)

Hearing praises of my children from another mummy’s mouth is so wonderful!!!

As a result, I bought each of them a small gift.
Nothing much, but I know they love fixing things, so this was a great gift for them!

rp6rp1rp4

rp3

rp5

rp2

 

Binbin loved it so much, he did this fluffy green heart for me right before he slept last night. Hooked it on my shirt and said: “Thank you for the surprise. I like it.”
Aaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwww……….
*Heart Melt*

rp7 rp8

Reward your child or Punish your child?
What’s your parenting style?

Reward vs Punishment

Copyright © 2007-2015 All About Your Child. The contents on this blog are the sole property of the author, Angeline Foong, and may not be used or reproduced in any manner without consent. All Rights Reserved. No Comments »

More than just a Fall

Health

Red is an auspicious colour during Chinese New Year. Oh well, on the 12th day of Chinese New Year, we had RED indeed!

Bloody Red! *super eyes rolled*

[For my non-Chinese readers, we celebrate Chinese New Year for 15 days.]

Never did we expect a fall during a soccer game at the parade square in school during recess could cause my Binbin to be in this state:

fall9a

He fell on 2nd March and my thoughtful boy did not want us to worry, he limped all the way home from school. Thereafter, he could not straightened his right leg at all. After putting Aloe Gel on his wound 2x, the exterior was healing fast. Just before we could celebrate, he knocked that wounded knee onto the edge of his wooden study table. My heart felt like it was stabbed by a thousand knives when I saw him burst into tears!!!

This was how it looked when he came home from school:

fall1

After knocking on the edge of the table, it became this:

fall2

*sigh* Then on, he limped even more. His fall in school also hurt his hip and his elbow, but they were just bruises without blood, unlike his knee. When he rests his arm on the edge of the table while doing his school homework, he would scratch the tender elbow occasionally, causing him to twitch in pain. When I held his hand and my hand hit his hip accidentally, he would “tsk” in pain too. In short, he is almost untouchable!

Every move of mine must be made with extra care when I am near him.

After 1 more application of the Aloe Gel at night, I sent him to bed. The next morning, the layer of dried blood was well formed and Binbin could stroke the so-called wound without going “tsk” or “ahhh” in pain.

However, I noticed that he had to bend his knee more than the previous day and the injured area started to swell!

fall3fall4

I realised that I was wrong to think that it was recovering. The exterior yes, BUT NOT THE INTERIOR. I do not want him to limp in school with that heavy school bag. Furthermore, his classroom is at level 4 !!! Taking the lift in school is not an option for the students unless he/she is on crutches or has a medical certificate to prove that he/she cannot climb the stairs or there is special permission granted by the teacher.

Hence, I decided to let Binbin stay at home to rest, instead of putting him at risk of hurting himself again, especially when limping was still his way of moving around.

Binbin was holding onto walls and furniture as he limped around the house. His limping got worse as the swelling grew. Something was very very wrong. After discussing with Allan, we decided to bring him to KK hospital at 10pm+.

I wanted to go with them so badly, but I could not because its unfair to make Kitkit stay at home alone or keep him awake if we bring him along to the hospital with us; remembering that he still has school the following day. So I stayed at home while Allan drove Binbin to the A&E.

Though my body was not in the hospital, my mind was… Totally cannot concentrate on anything while I was at home. Kept holding onto my phone and waiting for my Watsapp tone to ring. Hoping for updates, ANY UPDATES, from Allan…

Allan knows me well and gave me updates often; big or small, or even when there’s nothing at all, he would send photos to me….

fall5 fall6 fall7 fall8

After the X-Ray result was out, the doctor said there were too much blood ‘blocking‘ the view. The ‘too much blood’ resulted in the swelling and the visibility of the bone was affected too as a result. The doctor could not see if there were any hairline fractures on the bone. However, he told Allan to rest assured that there were no major damage done to the bone. In order to know if there are any hairline fractures, Binbin needs to go back for another X-Ray a week later. By then, hopefully the ‘too much blood’ would be gone.

To prevent hurting the injured area, Binbin had to be on cast till the next visit. *heart drop*

fall8a

And crutches will be his new toy……….

fall9b fall9

*heart pain*

I told Allan to inform me when he has parked his car at our place, so that I could go down to help to hold Binbin or help to carry things. When I went down, I saw an exhausted Father and Son. Binbin tried to walk with his crutches, but he was so tired and was not used to it, he made a few baby steps and lost balance!!! Thank goodness I was there to hold him! I could not imagine what would happen if he had another fall !

Another fall was the last thing I want on my wishlist, hence I told Allan to carry him home, while I carry everything else: medication, bag, right shoe, pants etc.

Doing such things at almost 1.30am is both tiring and heart aching….

Oh Well, I always tell myself that NO MATTER how bad things may seem, there is always something to rejoice in.

Thus, I have to say I am very grateful that no operation whatsoever was required and my dear Binbin can be home safely, sleeping on his bed and I get to be with him as he takes each restricted step for the next 7 days….

 

fall

PS : We put the phone beside him on purpose; for him to call us, in case he needed to go to the toilet in the middle of the night.

As a result, the next X-ray is scheduled on 11th March and Binbin is on Medical Leave till 12th March. If the second X-ray turns out well, he should be back in school by then, otherwise… Hmmmm…. he would be having extended ‘school holidays’.

As much as he loves skipping school, this is definitely NOT one of the way….

*sigh*

More than just a Fall

Copyright © 2007-2015 All About Your Child. The contents on this blog are the sole property of the author, Angeline Foong, and may not be used or reproduced in any manner without consent. All Rights Reserved. No Comments »