All About Your Child

I love to read comments and yesterday’s comments made me laugh (especially Clement’s) as much as I had made you guys laugh at my misery….hummm…sounds a little ironic…

Wanna thank some of you for your concerns….I managed to get the long-overdue-shit out this morning….

Anyhow, as promise, I’m going to tell you more shitty stuff today. Are you gonna puke already?

More than 15 years ago, I was working in a Child Care Centre supervised by my Church Friend. Yes, I was rather under-aged then, but she recognised that I have a way with handling kids and with the many years of giving tuition to kids, I became the English teacher for the Kindergarten 1 class, for a period of time when the form-teacher for that class was pre-occupied somewhere else.

I’ll not be revealing the Child Care Centre’s name, ‘cos it was not right to give such a responsibility to an untrained teacher like me, luckily none of the parents knew. Yes it was wrong but my Church Friend couldn’t find a replacement in such a short time.

Being so young, it was an honour. Everything felt so right. Every kid in the entire centre loves me, ‘cos I was the story-telling teacher in the morning assembly and the evening assembly; and my story telling is always full of jokes and actions…..almost 50 kids going crazy and having fun in that room, at the beginning and the end of the day…..

……I remember it was raining that day……

I was half-way through my evening assembly story, with the kids were all up on their feet making funny actions, suddenly every kid ran out of the 4meter by 2meter long carpet. Leaving the most timid and soft spoken boy I’ve ever met (till this day), standing at the center of the carpet. His name is Edwin. He was from my class – Kindergarten one.

I was shocked at first at the unison action by all the kids. Then I WAS SHOCKED TO SEE THE REASON for their action.

Gooey-slimy-greenish-extremely-stinky fluid came out of Edwin’s pants. No, not his pants, I mean his anus hidden in his pants!

I have never ever seen such gross sight in my life then (‘cos many years later, my Keatkeat showed me the exact same slime when he was 2 years old, in PUBLIC – oh dear that’s another shit tale I can post, provided you guys are not vomitting already after 2 shit posts), it was horrifying.

The carpet was super thirsty or rather hungry. It was sucking in the ‘food‘ generously provided by Edwin. The flow doesn’t seem like it was gonna stop at all!

I stood there speechless, with my jaw still hanging as every kid from age 1+ to 6 were holding their noses and pointing at the Star of the Show, still motionless standing on the middle of the carpet, making sounds like “Eeeeeeee…..Yucks…..so dirty….SO Smelly”

Poor Edwin started to cry, that woke me up. How could a boy with such quiet character handle such embarrassing moment. I was afraid he would run away. That would be worst. The shit would be all over the place leaving tracks behind, like the green creature in Ghost Busters. (picture courtesy of Google Images)

The auntie who cooks and cleans for the centre, became the director of the act. She instructed me to carry Edwin to the toilet while the other teachers carry the heavy (now that its so gooey) carpet out of the centre.

The centre is located at the basement, so there wasn’t any windows for us to open to air the place. It’s completely air-conditioned.

Could you imagine the smell?! It was sooooo strong! It smelt like the poo of someone who ate rotten meat MIXED WITH the poo of someone who ate smelly cheese! EeeeW! It was fainting-ly-smelly!

But it was raining remember? So the carpet was brought up the stairs and left in the rain. They were so afraid that the rain would wash the shit down the stairs back into the centre, so all the 5 teachers decided to walk further away from the entrance. Without umbrellas, they were like wet ducks walking on heels!

Though I was under shelter, I was bathing Edwin, so I was not that dry either. The greenish-slimy-shit was dropping off his buttocks and legs and splashing onto my feet! *Urrrghhhh*

I tried to chat with Edwin, asking all the inappropriate questions for such a moment, like,

“Edwin, what’s your favourite colour.” (how I wished he didn’t say GREEN, but he did!)

“What would you like to draw when you have a blank piece of paper.”

“Who do you like best at home…..”

you know, I was desperate to ease the tension off the boy, I needed to get him distracted one way or another. If he could bathe himself, I’ll probably do a clown dance in front of him. It’s heart-breaking to see children cry, especially a super obedient and completely harmless boy like Edwin.

Then I realised he doesn’t have any shirt to wear, ‘cos the shirt he brought was already soaked with prespiration this afternoon before he went for the noon bath. But I couldn’t leave him shivering in the air-conditioned place till his mommy come right?

So I dugged out his full-of-saltiness-smelly shirt from his bag and get him dressed.

As we head back to the assembly room, the smell was unbearable. Even Edwin pinched his nose as we stepped in. Auntie was still cleaning the shit which WENT THROUGH the carpet. All the other children were sent back to their own classes to wait for their parents to come and fetch them home.

But Edwin refused. I understand why, after how his friends reacted to his uncontrollable motion, so I sat down with him at the stairway near the entrance. Luckily the tramautised boy’s Mommy came early today. I explained to her why her son smells like a pail of sweat and the centre smelled like SHIT.

Unemotionally, she told me that he had diarrhea last night too…

(Oh dear parents. If your kid is sick, especially when he or she had diarrhea the previous day, please don’t bring him or her to school or child care centre, the teachers can be spared from ALOT OF UNNECCESSARY CHAOS! Thank you very much!)

Being located at the basement was really a big problem. The smell stayed on for A WEEK!!! And the carpet? After a unanimous vote, the carpet was thrown away! The stain was almost 1 meter in diameter. Unbelievable? BELIEVE IT!

Did you throw out your dinner last night after 2 gross-y posts?

So who wants to hear my boy’s unimaginable greenish-slimy-shit mishap which happened in Public? *laugh*

(I’ll tell if there were more than 50% of you who are still so keen on such gross stuff) LOL I’ve got a feeling I’m losing a handful of you after 2 days of Shit! LOL

I’ve mentioned before that Keatkeat, oh by the way, his name is pronounced as Kit and not Ki-at like most hokkien or teochew friends would call it. I thought its about time that I clarify this. When we are living in such a multi-language society like Singapore, it’s really hard to get some words right at times.

Like I was saying, I’ve mentioned before that Keatkeat’s shitting business is always a headache for me. Not that he is not trying hard enough, but it’s beyond his control.

His shit is always sticky and soft, unlike his little brother, whose shit is always completely ‘healthy-looking-hard-sexily-shaped‘ type of shit.

Because of the ‘nature’ of Keatkeat’s shit, he needs to use ALOT of toilet papers to get his anus truly cleaned. It usually takes about 20+ wipes to get that tiny hole at the rear feces-free!

At the beginning of last year, being new at school and completely shy, he did it on his pants standing in the middle of the entire class! He dare not tell the teacher and did not know what to do, so he just did what his body told him to do, like NIKE’s slogan – JUST DO IT!

Mdm Normah, his teacher reported the matter to Allan. When he reached there, Keatkeat was shivering like crazy, completely naked, standing in the air-conditioned toilet.

Allan told me that his shit was almost diarrhea-like so it stained his shirt, his shorts, his socks and his shoes!

Few minutes later, Mdm Normah handed over the in-case-of-emergency-uniforms (uniforms that were donated to the school by ex-students) to Keatkeat, who looked like a baby in an adult shirt.

The teachers were busy cleaning the mess. This reminded me of the worst encounter I had when I was a Child Care Centre Teacher, which I’ll tell tomorrow. Every other kid in class were having a no-hold-bars self-decide activities, completely free-and-easy. Allan said the whole place was in chaos and our dear firstborn was the creator of this drama.

Allan brought Keatkeat home for a complete wash, before he bring the boys over to my in-law’s house. That’s the usual routine for us when we had the stall in the past and before my sis-in-law is pregnant for the 3rd time.

I will go to my stall after bringing Keatkeat to school, while Allan will wait at home with Binbin till Keatkeat is off from school. Then after bringing the kids to my in-law’s house (a 30 mins car van ride), Allan will join me.

At 11am today, my handphone rang…

“Hi, this is Mdm Normah, is this Cheng Keat’s Mommy?”

“Hi Mdm Normah, yes…did something happen to Cheng Keat?”

“He told me he wants to pass motion but when I told him to go ahead and do it in the toilet, he insists on going home.”

I understand that some children are not comfortable doing the big business outside the comfort of their own toilet bowl at home, but Keatkeat has done it outside countless times already. I was a little surprised at his response. So I asked….

“Would you like me to talk to Cheng Keat over the phone right now?”

“I would prefer you to come down….errrrmmm is it convenient?”

HOW COULD I TELL YOU THE TRUTH? IT IS NOT CONVENIENT AT ALL BECAUSE I AM SHITTING AT THIS VERY MOMENT! (yes I bring my handphone into the toilet with me, so that I could play Sudoku)

But I couldn’t right? It would be so embarrassing right?

“No problem, but could you give me 10mins?”

But I need more than 10mins to get MY BIG BUSINESS done…though it’s only 3 mins walk from my house to the school, I definitely couldn’t reach there in 10mins, but what could I say….*Urrrggghhh* What an awful timing!

“Sure! So long as Cheng Keat could wait.” replied the teacher

I stepped on the ‘emergency brake‘ immediately! Yes I stopped my shit from coming out from my rear hole. Totally a wrong thing to do, totally an unhealthy thing to do, totally unnatural thing to do, but I did it, fearing the unimaginable at the same time.

When I reached there, the happy Keatkeat ran over and hug me. I placed my hands on his shoulders and choo-chooed him to the toilet.

Did he shit? NO!!!!!! He merely farted a couple of times loudly and pee-ed! That was it! Not a piece of shit came out!

I was HOT! Very Hot! Oh the sacrifice I made….and the reward I got was just a couple of unpleasant farts! Hey I was hoping for a mountain of stingy pile of SHIT *Urrrggghhhh*.…

“Why didn’t you go to the toilet when Mdm Normah told you to? Why did you insist on going home?”

“Because I am very shy.”

“You are afraid that your friends will laugh at you for passing motion?”

“Yes.” and he giggled away…..

*sigh* After that, I couldn’t shit anymore….