All About Your Child

(I want to thank all of you for your kind words and encouragements to my Heavy Heart yesterday, you guys are really a wonderful bunch! May your life be filled with blessings!)

I had been wondering all along, when, just when will Keatkeat’s teacher Mdm Normah snap, how long can I stretched her ‘rubber-band’ of keeping an-eye-closed about Keatkeat’s tongue. ‘cos she was doubtful over my explanation all along….but still she kept her eyes closed and let Keatkeat get into class…

Ever since the hand-foot-mouth disease started 4 months back, the school have been doing regular check-ups BEFORE the kids are allowed to step into the class.

Just last week, a student was down with the illness after the school had a clean record for 5 full weeks. Hence the check-ups were more thorough than before, first they would (prefer the parents to measure the kids’ temperature and record down on the given notebook before the come to school) check the temperature, then the palm of the hands to look out for blisters and finally shine a torchlight into the kids’ mouth to spot ulcers.

You see, my dear Keatkeat have a conditioned since he was a baby – whenever his water intake is too little, he would have ulcers on his tongue. I HAVE mentioned this to Mdm Normah almost every time she spots an ulcer or two in my 4-year-old’s mouth.

But today she was firm, very firm. She spotted 3 ulcers on Keatkeat’s tongue (*Humph* must be the Fried Spring Chicken he ate for dinner last night). She INSISTs that I bring Keatkeat home.

Let me say this first before anything else, I CAN UNDERSTAND, I DO. Even when I was a Child Care Centre teacher, I would not risk the other students’ health, just to please one eager-to-get-his-butt-in-the-class kid, who shows such signs of danger.

But as me, a HUMAN, a Mommy, I can’t stop having thoughts like:

“Damn! It was so difficult to get my little boy out of his bed and yet he is not accepted.”

“Damn! I could have slept for another hour before I head down to my 1-day bazaar later on. Pacifying one kid is easy while setting up the stall, but keeping 2 kids entertained and preventing them from quarrelling / fighting while setting up the stall is *Urrrrgghhh*””

What makes me go really *Urggghhhhh* were the parents. Seriously, may I ask ALL Parents reading this, “Do you stay at the door of the school and look at your kids after they are in the class and STAY there till the teacher closes all windows and door?!”

I do, BUT ONLY FOR THE FIRST WEEK when my kid is in school FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE. But I won’t do that when he is already in school for almost 2 years now! But there are still sooooooooo mannnnny parents who do!

They would stand AT the door, and blocked other kids who need to get into the class. Making hand-gestures to their kids who were obviously not even looking back. Or Shouting commands like, “K, sit down!….K, don’t do that!….K, that’s wrong Stop It!…..”

If you are one of such parents, can you tell me why do you do that? I know you love your kids but he/she is not in playgroup or nursery already! They are not THAT small! Aren’t you supposed to feel free-to-do-whatever, since you’ve got 3 hours of no-kid time? Wouldn’t you want to make full use of the time and do what you couldn’t do when the kid is around?

Ok, like I was saying, What makes me go really *Urggghhhhh* were the parents. THEY WERE POINTING FINGERS AT US as we were forced to go out of the class and head back home! Then irritating words like,

“Oh dear, my child plays with this boy (referring to my dear still-didn’t-know-what’s-going-on Keatkeat) often….that means my child is in danger now of Hand Foot Mouth Disease!….”

“Oh oh….another one rejected again, this boy must have played with the child who was sick last week.”

“Oh please…parents shouldn’t bring the kid to school if he’s got HFMD…so irresponsible…”

I soooooo wanted to turn my head and give that parent the stare of the devil and scream into her head, “Mdm Normah DID NOT SAY MY CHILD GOT HFMD!!! He got ulcers BECAUSE HE DID NOT DRINK ENOUGH WATER, That’s All!!!

Keatkeat: “Mommy what happened?”

Me: “Mdm Normah didn’t allow you in, because of your mouth ulcers….please drink more water dear…”

Keatkeat: “Mommy, so are we going home now?”

Me: “Yes!”

Keatkeat: “Yeah!!! Then can I go play the Car game since I got nothing to do now?”

Me: *faint!*

I was watching the 10pm show on Channel U, ‘The Perfect Cut’ yesterday, the morale of yesterday’s short stories were about parent-child relationship.

Story 1: A young man wanted to change his face completely because every time he looks at the mirror, he sees his abusive dad’s image.

Dad broke this young man’s toe while hitting him with a broom, smashing his dream of being a ballet dancer. He even cut his ballet shoes into half infront of him.

(these scenes reminded me of the punches from my dad….)

Story 2: A psychiatrist refused to forgive her dad for leaving her and her mom when she was a kid. Now that her dad is dead, she still refused to forgive him. Even though her mom wanted her to go to his grave on his death anniversary, she rejected.

(have I REALLY forgiven my mom….even though now she is dead….)

Throughout the story, questions like….

(with respect to Story 1) “…are you sure even though after a ‘face-off’ plastic surgery, you’ll truly forgive your dad….?”

“….after so many years of lost contact, finally your dad found you and sewed backed the broken ballet shoes….he even humbled himself to say “I’m Sorry” to you….won’t you forgive him?”

The young man’s reply was, “I don’t know….but I know I don’t hate him anymore….”

(what a child wants is only a word of apology….to smoothen the rough feelings in his heart…but that’s something hard for a parent, to swallow his pride to say he’s sorry….)

(with respect to Story 2) “…what’s done can’t be undone…and now that the creator of the hurt is already down to ashes, how then will you forgive him….do you want him to rise up from the grave and say, “I’m Sorry?”…..

….these are questions that’s hard to answer….

I HATE to watch shows that remind me of my family violence, gambling and strained parent-child relationships. I usually switched off the TV or looked away. Because I HATE to be reminded.

For this aspect of my life, I choose to ran away and avoid, I choose NOT to face the tough questions, I choose to bury my messed-up emotions as deep as possible….call me a coward, whatever!

The thought of coming home (a place that’s supposed to be warm and secure) is always heavy hearted. Coming back to a cold steel cage. Coming back to four chilling walls that’s built upon hurt, bruises, blood, screams, tears, fear, anger, hatred…..

My home IS a place I hate to come back to…and ironically I’m still staying in the same four walls, though the colour of the paint is different, the furnitures have changed or rearranged, the members are different, but every corner still reminds me of what happened more than 14 years ago…

A house where ZERO communication is always welcomed. 4 Members in the household, kids hardly talk to parents, and parents hardly talk to each other, sometimes for days, sometimes even weeks….but it’s all good, it’s always preferred.

When there’s communication, there’s a high chance of arguements, then there’ll be a possibility of blows again from my body-builder dad…..and then the peace is broken again…

I saw a book in the bookstores recently, it’s called “A Child Called “it”, and suddenly a thought jumped into me that maybe I could write a book about my childhood, maybe my book could help children to handle better if there’s a gambler in the family, if there’s family violence, broken marriages…..just a sudden thought, just maybe…..

There were so many things, I could have done, but I didn’t know such help was available for my mom, the spark which burned away my family happiness (blame it on my age, blame it on my choice to avoid than to dig deeper into the problem), till the police were involved….till counseling sessions began all too late…

I remember I wrote a letter to both my parents about how I felt, about how I wish it could have been better, about how I thought “peaceful communication” could bring them closer….I wrote, I wrote it all down on 2 pieces of A4 size papers…. did it work? A BIG FAT NO!!!

I could really go on and on about this extreme-childhood….but I would like to stop here…

The lucky part was, my horrible family did not result in me having a phobia towards being someone’s wife  and some kids’ mommy. Thank God!

Many of my friends asked why do I still bother about this issue, now that both my parents are dead, everything is over, isn’t it? My answer is “no”, it’s just the beginning….

Keatkeat started to ask about my parents. He insisted on seeing their pictures, I did show it to him without any hesitation and without any elaboration too. I just passed him the photo album and walked away.

But the time will come…and I can feel it coming really soon…he will ask,

“Do you love your papa and mommy?”

“Do they love you?”

“What do they work as?”

“Did you cry when they die?”

You see,  in my ‘current-happy-almost-perfect’ family, we tell each other we love each other everyday, we hug and kiss each other everyday, we sing, we laugh, we joke, we play as a family everyday.

I CREATED this ‘dream family’ that I am in right now. Whatever that I’ve dreamt of having during my childhood, I MADE IT HAPPENED to this family, to my current family! I wanted to get back all that I’ve lost! It was revenge time for me when my first child was born!

Allan found it hard to adapt to it at first, only during last 2 years, did I see that he has grown to love this kind of family….. Allan didn’t grow up in such a family, in fact, Allan told me that his parents has never mentioned the word ‘Love‘ to any of their children before, but they show their love through their actions; obviously I didn’t grow up in such a family too.

I’ve always wanted my parents to say they love me….but…..(sorry I need a moment…)

So the day will come, when Keatkeat or Binbin decides to ask me all those questions, when I have to face the ‘little-me’ that I’ve hidden in the basement of my heart, completely shut with a thousand stainless steel locks right now….till then I will probably blog about how they reacted to the ugly truth….till then….