All About Your Child

Too young?

In my parenting belief, no kid is too young to learn about anything. If, after you have explained and they still catch no ball, then you may conclude that. If not, no parent should underestimate their children’s ability to comprehend anything which adults think ‘kids-are-too-young-to-know-this’.

“Babies, remember Bear-nin-por, whom you saw on Sunday at the hospital?”

My 4-year-old and 2-year-old nodded vigorously.

“Yes, she died yesterday. That means she is no longer breathing. Her heart has stopped beating. We will not see her anymore.”

“Why?” asked both in unison.

“Remember she was very sick? She was too sick and too weak for the heart to continue to beat. When a person dies, the body has to leave this earth, leave this world. So she will be put into a box called the coffin where she will lie inside. Then the coffin will be burnt. What will be left is ashes, just like the dust we see.”

“Will it be very pain?” asked my elder one.

“No, Bear-nin do not feel anything, because she is dead already. When someone dies, its very sad for the whole family and everyone who loved her. So it is not a happy thing when someone dies.”

“Will I die?” asked the 4-year-old.

“Everyone will die one day. But so long as you are healthy and be careful when you cross the road, you will not die so soon. You will grow old like ma-ma (grandmother) and when you cannot grow any older because you are too weak, your heart will stop, you will stop breathing and that’s when you will die.”

“But papa’s friend’s grandmother is 100 years old already, why she haven’t die yet?” (remembering the story his dad told him just a few days ago.)

“That is because she is very strong and healthy. So see? When you are strong and healthy, you can live longer and will not die so soon, understand? But if you cross the road and forgot to look left and right, a car may come and knock you down, then what will happen?”

“DIE!” (Suddenly as he mouthed that word, that stern look on his face was so familiar and I remembered the time when this word was used almost everyday by this little fellow. I can’t help but giggled a little.)

“Yes. That’s a smart boy. So you need to be extra careful when you cross the road, ok?”

Nodded the boys again. I was pretty impressed by this time that the younger one was still paying 100% attention to the discussion which was very much just between his brother and I.

“Remember whenever we see a yellow or white tent below blocks of flats, papa and mommy always say don’t look at it, its ‘not-nice’? That is where the funeral is held. That is where the dead body lies in the coffin for everyone to see for the last time before the dead body is sent for crematory, for burning. That’s why papa and mommy tell you that its ‘not-nice’, don’t look at it. When a person dies, the face is white in colour and its ‘not-nice’ to look at.”

(for the benefit of my non-Singaporean blogger friends – over here in Singapore, the Chinese will usually have the funeral procession done at the void deck below the block of flat where the dead used to stay. The wake can range from 3 to 7 days where chanting, prayers and burning of incense paper beside the coffin will be done. The lengthy days is especially significant for relatives who are overseas to come back in time to see the face of their loved one for the last time.)

“Then will Singapore be no-more?” questioned Keatkeat.

“HUH?” I was prepared for all sorts of questions related to death and corpse and spirit but this really puzzled me. “What do you mean will Singapore be no-more?”

“If everybody dies, then Singapore will not have anyone and so there will not be Singapore anymore, right?” looking at me with his bright eyes.

Wow! Isn’t this little guy something?! He can think so many steps ahead, he can for-see what is to come if everyone eventually dies. I was impressed. So if I want to talk about death, its inevitable that I should talk about birth, and so I did.

“Keatkeat, every second which means, even as we are talking now, a baby is born and at the same time someone is dead. That is how the earth or Singapore will never be gone. So there will always be people in this world.” I thought I explained too briefly and wanted to add on. Hey but the smart boy figured it out….

“Just like now Bear-nin-por dies but Bernice (our neighbour’s daughter) comes out from Bernice’s mommy’s tummy, right?” explained the little man. All of a sudden, he got up on his feet and caressed my back, “Mommy, don’t be sad ok.”

And that brought tears streaming down my eyes….tears for the lost of my great aunt and tears of joy for having such a great son. Its a blessing and I am thankful, very thankful…

Remember the suprise dinner yesterday? Allan’s friend was full of gimmicks to keep her 4-year-old entertained, hoping that she will leave her parents to eat in peace.

He started off by pouring out a whole tube of 30 illumine sticks. Made ‘wings’, ‘flowers’, ‘camera’, ‘magic wands’ and what-have-you for his daughter to keep her occupied. He gave a few sticks to my boys too. What my kids did was get them connected in circle to form ‘steering wheels’ and they are completely contented. We were eating in an outdoor area with romantic amber lights around, so the illumine sticks looked really pretty in such a setting.

The girl was getting sick of the sticks by the middle of the dinner. My boys had stopped playing with them the moment they started to eat. Friend’s wife was complaining that her girl hardly eats anything or dare to try new food. The girl would have the spoonful of rice in her mouth for many minutes before chewing and finally swallowing.

I remembered the time when Keatkeat had this problem too. Luckily that can-you-eat-faster, can-you-chew-your-food, can-you-swallow-your-food stage is over after lots of adjustments made by us, like no TV during meal time, no toys in the hands while they eat. To replace the toys, we gave them the spoon. Got them to feed themselves, at least for the first few mouths before we succumb to their plea to feed them. As days go by, the number of self-feeds increases and occasionally, they can finish their food all by themselves.

Throughout the dinner, the girl fidgetted and went up and down her chair many times. My boys do that quite often too. Suprisingly they were super duper well-behaved that night, NONE of such behaviour happened, not once! Keatkeat eed himself till he finished his entire plate of rice and pork chop. Binbin kept eating his favourite leafy vegetables without fidgeting till he was full.

Allan’s friend and his wife were so impressed. Keatkeat being the same age as their daughter and Binbin 2 years younger, they felt rather ashamed to some extend. I tried to remove their awful feelings by explaining that such behaviour only happens when the boys are in super good mood. But their reply was, “even when she is in good mood, she is never close to what your boys are eating or doing.” Am I proud, you betcha!

So when the illumine sticks are no longer an attraction to her, the dad brought out the portable VCD player. Put in the Alvin and the Chipmuncks VCD and immediately she started to sit still and glued her eyes on the screen but the mouth was still not moving.

I wanted so much to watch this movie, but I wouldn’t want to bring the kids to any cinemas till they are much older and I couldn’t tell my mom-in-law, “Hi mommy, I need to go catch a movie, could you please take care of these two grandsons of yours while I go enjoy?” She would kill me! Her likely thoughts would be ‘What a clever move, ya?! You go enjoy while I struggle inside these four walls with 5 screaming kids?’

So I was in the same state as the girl, my eyes were stucked to the screen. I am a big fan of Alvin and the Chipmunks when I was a small girl, love it! After watching for less than 10 minutes, she got bored and hopped out of her chair and began running around. The boys have finished their portion of food too and the 3 kids were playing together. That was when I decided to stop watching the movie and be the nanny for the rest of the night while the other 3 adults chat about work, money and life.

(‘I must get the VCD…I must get the VCD!’)

Many parents are seen extremely frustrated when they bring along their children for meal out-of-their comfortable home. In their big bags, you often find toys, teddy bears, rattles, cards, story books, and the list of whatever small ‘entertainers’ that can be stuffed into the bag goes on….

Allan and I used to hate bringing the kids out for meal be it just the 4 of us or with others, simply because they can’t sit still! We had an agreement, if we were to go for any dinner with our friends, no kids shall come along. But now, after the how-to-behave-during-mealtime intense-training at home, we are always willing to bring them out for food.

It takes time for children to learn to sit still during mealtime. We realised the earlier we taught them the right way, the earlier they get used to the rules. In order to let everyone enjoy the meal, there must be 3 golden guidelines before my boys are out.

1- they must have their bottle of milk. In case their crave for the white-powder starts when they are outside. I would not want to bring the bottles and flask out, they are not babies anymore.

2- they must be in a hungry state.

3- they can use their hands to pick up the food they are going to eat. In this way, they will feel more at ease, they enjoy the food better too.

So what do you bring along to entertain your kids while you eat outside? Or are you the lucky parent who never had such a worry?