All About Your Child

If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much. ~ Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

“Please put away your toys now and eat your dinner”, you say to your child. A few minutes later, your child still refuses to stop playing with his toys. He begins to throw a tantrum when you try to stop him.

Sounds familiar? As parents, we have to deal with misbehaviour from children from time to time. How do we encourage good behaviour in children, and how do we discourage bad behaviour? How can we discipline our children effectively?

15 quick tips for disciplining a child:

1 – Tell a child what he should do and not what he should not do in a calm voice.
Try to say it softly but stern tone, “Keep your hands to yourself”, instead of “Don’t Touch”. Remember why a child doesn’t respond to “Don’t” or “No”, if not, read here.

2 – Show a young child how to behave properly by explaining and showing how it should be done.
“Put your toys into the box carefully like this….” and demonstrate.

3 – Give the child some preparation time before he has to carry out the instruction.
“You have 10mins to play before dinner time. When time’s up, can you put your toys back into the toy box and have your dinner?”

4 – Discuss what will happen if he misbehaves, always deal with the behaviour, not the child.
“If both of you continue to argue over who should have this toy, the toy will be removed from the 2 of you.

5 – When the child behaves well, reward him immediately to reinforce the positive behaviour.

6 – Praise, smile, give a pat on the back or hug him. Give small treats occasionally but make it clear that material rewards will not be given every time.

7 – Never tell a child upfront that rewards will be given for good behaviour.
“If you are a good boy, I will buy you an ice-cream.”
This results in behaving the right way for the wrong reason and would caused the child to think that its a must to be rewarded when he behaves.

8 – Withdraw privileges if the child still do not obey.
For example, If the child refuses to eat his dinner because he wants to watch cartoons, switch off the television.

9 – Impose responsibilities, especially for older children.
You can try to ask the child to clean up the mess if he throws a tantrum and creates a mess.

10 – Scold only when appropriate, that is when all other steps failed to work. Hold the child’s shoulders with both your hands, look at the child at eye level, tell the child clearly and sternly why he is scolded and how he should change. Remember to scold him for the action, not him.

11 – Reconcile with the child and let him know that you love him, it’s his behaviour you don’t like.

12 – Never scold the child in public. Bring him away from the scene where he misbehaves to a quiet place. Talk about the unacceptable behaviour. Alternatively, say that you are bringing him home now because of the action he did.

13 – Match the type of discipline with the child’s behaviour. Choose a method that is suitable for the age and the maturity of the child.

14 – Discuss with your spouse and the child’s grandparents on the aspects of disciplining. Work as a team and be consistent, so that the child knows that no matter who is with him, the tolerance level and the style of punishment for the same action remains the same.

15 – Never disagree with the adult, who is scolding or punishing the child, in front of the child. This cause confusion and the child will find it harder to accept that what he did was wrong.

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. ~ James Baldwin

Toddlers would be referring to the age of 1-3 years old. This is the time when they learn so fast but yet still could not really express fully and clearly what they want or need. The following are the usual 3 situations where most parents would find it hard to handle their toddlers.

1 Whining

If your child whines when she wants something, encourage her to stop whining and ask nicely. “Mavis, stop whining for a drink, ask nicely.”

Show her how to ask properly. “Mavis, tell mummy….’mummy, can I have a drink, please?'”

Use a pleasant voice and praise your child when she has done what you have requested. “Well done, Mavis. You have asked very nicely. Yes, you can have the drink.”

2 Going Shopping

Before you go into the shop with your child, remind her of the rules you would like her to follow.

“Stay close to mummy and daddy.” “Ask mummy and daddy first before you touch anything.” “Walk when you are in the shop.”

Suggest rewards if your child follows the rules.”When you do what mummy and daddy tell you, we will bring you to the playground after we leave the shop.”

Remember, always praise your child when she did well.

3 Resisting the seat belt

Many toddlers strongly object to being confined in a car seat, especially if they are physically active.

The best time to start using a car seat is when your child is still a baby and to put your child in a car seat every time, without exception, she travels in a car.

Make “belting up” a habit, instead of an instruction. This would come naturally if the habit started when she is a baby and she can see that you, her role model, belt up too.

If the habit was not established since young, then you will need to tell your child that she could climb into the seat herself, or you will put her in. Follow through and put her in the car seat if she doesn’t climb in herself.

Look for good behaviour and offer praise when your child cooperates. “Great job, Mavis, good girl. You can climb into your seat yourself.”

Reward good behaviour. Say in a pleasant voice, “When you’re in your car seat, you may have a sticker.”

Empower your child. Let your child choose a favourite “car toy” to take in the car. Make sure the toy is safe and soft so that it does not hurt anyone if you stop the car suddenly.

Children learn by modelling. Show her how you put your seat belt on.

Toddlers respond best to the tone of your voice, not the words you say. So practice to manage your own emotions, take control of your tone.