All About Your Child

I like to sleep. That was my hobby before I had kids, now it’s a I-can’t-get-enough thing, ohhhh especially on a cooling, drizzling morning like today.

Allan was out early for a morning appointment. I was still lying in bed, semi-awake, heard the kids’ usual call for their milk, the sound of milk preparation and then the sound of him belting up his pants. Everything was so clear, but I just refused to open my eyes.

The confirmation of his departure was distinct, with his big chunk of keys slapping against the metal gate, I was ready to get back to my dream land as the kids brought in their Lego to play in the room. Then….

“Mom….my, gooot blood…”

That broken sentence woke me up like a pail of cold water splashed on my sleepy face. Opened my eyes wide, jumped onto my feet and searched for my glasses.

Keatkeat shirt and long pants were covered with blood, which dripped down from his mouth, which actually started from his nose.

Yes, it’s another nose bleed again. Maybe because he cried too much yesterday, maybe because the weather was too cold and he had been sneezing too much in the night which could have ruptured his old wound, or maybe it’s both. Whatever it is, I had to stop the flow.

After the experience I got from here and here, I was more composed. This is something that I am so used to. Not that he bleed very often, that would be scary. But whenever he has a bad runny nose for too long, this happens.

It was hard to switch from a sloppy self to a fast speed momentum machine in a split second, but the Mommy spirit in me did a perfect change. I covered his nose with tissue to soak up the blood, preventing it from flowing down to his mouth, while I use my index and thumb to add pressure to his nose bridge.

Keatkeat is used to this too. So our cooperation was perfect team. But the flow was too heavy, his mouth was full of blood, he knew he can’t swallow it because it will cause him to vomit, he knew it, he experienced that before. He signal me that he could no longer control the contents in his mouth.

“Binbin pass me a dustbin!” Yes I still have a 3 year old assistant who has been sitting still and watching the bloody scene. This was too much for this little boy, I could tell. Because he walked pass the dustbin without realising it! “Binbin! The dustbin is over there!!!”

Instructed Keatkeat to spit into the dustbin, then carried him to the toilet. He was a super kid, completely calm. He rinsed his mouth as I continue to add pressure to his nose. As if everything was not hectic enough, “Mommy I want to poo-poo” said my younger boy.

“But Mommy, I want to shh- shh…” said Keatkeat.

My priority was Keatkeat so I was prepared to let Binbin poo in his pants. Ignored Binbin totally and carried Keatkeat down from the inverted pail which he was standing on, pulled down his pants and positioned him to pass urine.

“MOmmy! My poo-poo want to come out already!” cried Binbin

“Ok, Ok….almost done!” I snapped.

When my elder one was done, I lowered the toilet bowl seat-er, then the baby seat-er and scooped up Binbin, sat him down for him to go ahead with his poo business.

Got back to the still bleeding Keatkeat, continued to add pressure to stop the flow. It’s getting better….the flow is not as scary now. Carried my boy back to his mattress….just then….

“Mom -mmy,  I fin-nished!” Binbin sang these 3 words with his usual tune that goes like this fa-mi-fa-mi-so.

“Yes, coming. I am changing Gor-gor’s shirt.” I snapped again.

In less that 3 seconds, “But, Mom-mmy, I fin-nished!” My little vocalist sang again! That’s him, he needs immediate attention, which I wasn’t prepared to give at that very moment!

Stacked up the adults’ pillow and let Keatkeat rest on it, half sitted, half lied down, to prevent the blood from flowing backwards, down his pipe that leads to the tummy. That was the biggest mistake I made the very first time he had nose bleeding. I learnt the hard way and I remembered it well.

“Mommy, I look like a patient now.” said my boy.

“Yes Baby, you ARE a patient now…. Ok let me go settle your brother, before the neighbours complain about him.”  Hopped onto my feet, leaped to the toilet to clean my smelly-stinky kid who has been singing the same line with the same tune over a hundred times….

Then back to my elder one again to check if the flow has stopped completely. Stayed with him for 15mins before I pronounced him, “Ok, you are discharged, free to go play now.”

I was exhausted, but fully awake at the end of everything! What a waste! It was a perfect weather to cat nap for at least another hour.  What a way to start my morning! Sigh….

My day started off great, I was all pumped up to post all the things which made me smile from cheek to cheek the moment I opened my eyes to greet ‘today’ ,”good morning!”

I hoped, I thought, I believed with all my heart that this would be one of those days that even a terminally ill person would miraculously be fully cured. So I waited till night falls, hoping to accumulate more happy events, good news, joyful moments to write down for today’s post. I’ve even thought of the title, it shall be ‘I can’t be happier’….but I was wrong.

It’s been raining today, every where in Singapore is soaking wet, chilling wind are trying to sneak into the semi-closed windows of my house, turning my floor into icy ground, as if it isn’t hard enough for my bleeding heart to continue pounding, I’m hardly catching my breath with my block nose now.

On our way home from a happy trip, which I don’t have the mood to give details of that now, Keatkeat did something which made Allan’s and my heart stopped….

Keatkeat and Binbin have gained our trust several months ago that they are capable of taking care of themselves at the back seat. As our back seat only have one door, it was a rule, set by me, for Binbin to get into the vehicle first, then Keatkeat will follow. When Keatkeat is in, he would naturally close the door and locked it.

The kids appreciate the space we give them. They enjoy owning the back area all to themselves. They are thankful that we trusted them and gave them their freedom in return of their good behaviour.

It’s been many months, Keatkeat have proven to be someone whom Allan and I are very proud off. Someone who can guard the door and not let the mischievous little monkey brother of his get close to the door nor the lock. Keatkeat has proven himself over and over again that he is a very reliable guard dog.

About 100m away from our home, Allan was driving at 80Km/h, suddenly the door light came on. Allan thought the light might have gone faulty after going through a bumpy road. But no! Wait, there were a gush of strong wind coming from the back of our seats.

Loud noises from exterior were sending an alarm to Allan and I. We know why the door light came on suddenly, it’s not by accident, it’s not faulty, it’s because the back door was opened! Keatkeat did something that he couldn’t even explain why he did it. Oh 4 year old! How unpredictable can you get?!

I screamed,“Keatkeat! Closed The Door!” But the tiny hand couldn’t control. His hand was not strong enough to fight against the gush of wind rushing into the vehicle. I shouted, almost right after I screamed at my boy, “Allan! Stop the car!” I was so glad this didn’t happen at the expressway. I couldn’t imagine what would have happened if we didn’t or rather couldn’t stop at that very moment when we realised the door light did not come on by mistake.

I jumped out of my front seat, slammed the door shut. Hopped into the back without even the need to swing open the door (anymore) and slammed it just as hard.

“Keatkeat! Why did you do that?!” He shrugged his shoulders. “Do you know you could have flew out and DIE on the spot! And you will never see Papa, Mommy and Binbin ever again! YOU want that?!” Shook his head with his big eyes staring at me, still completely stunned at the sudden change from laughing Mommy to a yelling Mommy.

After we parked at the multi-storey car-park. Allan grabbed Keatkeat by the wrist and warned, “I must REALLY let you know what a dangerous thing you have done. What a terribly wrong thing you have done. You will get IT when you reach home.”

When we do get home, with the door shut behind our backs. Allan reached for the 30cm long ruler, sat on the sofa, leaning forward, like a tiger ready to pound on its prey.

Allan: “Come here! Do you know how dangerous it was? Do you know how painful it can be if you flew out? You don’t know, I know you don’t know, so I must let you know how painful it can be. Give me your hands.”

If you have read my article on ‘Think! Before you react to your child’s misbehaviour‘, you would know that I do not agree with inflicting pain of any kind to the child as a punishment. But I didn’t attempt and didn’t intend to stop him, because it is important, to me, very important that the child must always see Papa and Mommy as ONE.

Before we had kids, Allan and I have discussed this issue before. No matter what, we must never disagree with each other in front of our kids. Either parent should not take sides. It gives the kids an impression of a devil and angel. Hence, resentment will begin. I grew up in such a family and I hate to give my children that kind of family.

Before I stopped my retail business, Keatkeat and Binbin were under the care of my MIL daily. But we make an effort to bring them home every single night after we close our stall and bring them back again in the morning.

Keatkeat has phobia towards ruler because my brother-in-law, who stays with my MIL, ever hit Keatkeat with ruler before, not once but a few times. My BIL will confess that he hit them because of whatever reason.

So when Allan asked Keatkeat to stretch out his hand. He cried out loud, grasped his two hands tightly in-front of his tummy and kept saying, “Noooo….no….no…don’t want…don’t want….”

Allan: “I will count to 3. If you still don’t stretch out your hands, I will beat twice on each hand instead of once on each hand. 1….2…..”

Keatkeat unwillingly raise up his right hand and WHAMMMed! The ruler hit the palm filled with perspiration caused by fear. Keatkeat wailed at the top of his voice. He was choking. He clasped his right palm with his left. It must have been really painful, he urinated on the floor.

Allan: “So now do you know how painful it is? If you fly out just now, it would be even more painful than this! I need you to remember this for the rest of your life! Never, Never open the door when the vehicle is moving! Now Give Me Your Other Hand!”

Keatkeat: “Nooo…no…Sorry Papa. Sorry Papa….I’ll not do it again….Sorry…” Still catching his breath.

Allan: “No! You must learn it the hard way for this mistake! You will only remember after you feel the pain. This is something that must never happen again, so I must MAKE you remember! Now give me your other hand!”

I was wiping away Keatkeat’s urine. I was wiping hard as if the harder I wipe, I will be wiping this bad memory off his mind. I took off his wet shorts and cleaned his legs. I wanted and wished to clean away any unhappy thoughts that could be popping up in his little mind like uncontrollable popcorn, popping out of the pan. I tried, I tried….

Allan: “I’m gonna start counting again. Raise up your hand! 1…..2…..”

Keatkeat raise 3 inches and retrieved 1 inch back. He was afraid. He has never seen his dad this furious and loud before. He was terrified. He could not imagine bearing the pain on the other unhurt sweaty palm.

Allan: “Higher, raise higher. Now!”

Keatkeat raised up his hand in total fear of what could come if he disobeyed and WHAMMMed! Came the ruler hard on his left hand. He screamed. Choking even harder. Warning to vomit out his dinner. Throughout the whole event, I insisted that Binbin watched it. Learn from it and Remember this moment, that it will never happen to him.

I cleaned the shaken boy thoroughly. He was too weak to even bathe. I wiped his perspiration and tears. Changed him into clean clothes, hopping that the dryness and fragrance from the detergent could give him some sort of comfort.

I walked away to the kitchen without a word of comfort. That’s how Allan and I have agreed upon. The comforter should always be the one who caused the discomfort. I washed his soiled clothes at the basin but kept my ears opened for new improvements in the living room.

Allan scooped up his sobbing child. The kindergartner did not resist. The young one rested on his dad’s chest as the man pull him closer and tighter.

In the softest but sternest voice, the dad said,“I love you Keatkeat. I don’t want you to feel pain. But I need you to remember how dangerous it was to open the door, that’s why I beat you. Ok? Understand?”

After hearing a confirming yes from the 4 year old, Allan wiped away the last tears at the edge of his boy’s red eyes. In less than a minute. The 2 male were chatting about playing Lego. How amusing?!

The dad refused because he hasn’t had his dinner yet. The half-smiling boy came to his Mommy and asked, “Mommy, can you play with me?”

I brought my boy to the bedroom. Sat him on the soft mattress and wanted to hear him. I am that kind of a person. I like to know what goes INSIDE the person more that what it appears on the outside. I want the victim to fully understand why such unpleasant thing happens and how it could have been avoided.

Me: “Keatkeat, Are you angry with Papa?”

Keatkeat: “No.” Without even the need to think.

Me: “Why?”

Keatkeat: “Because he sayang (hug and coax) me after that.”

Me: “Do you think Papa is wrong to beat you?”

Keatkeat: “No. He wants me to remember.”

Me: “Remember what?”

Keatkeat: “Remember that it is dangerous to open the door when the car is moving. I can die.”

Me: “Do you think if Papa did not beat you, but just scold you, would you remember?”

Keatkeat: (Paused for a second) “No. I will forget. So Papa beat me is correct.”

Can you tell me, how NOT to love a boy like this? I pulled him closed and hugged him so tight, he had to reject my affection, “Mommy, I can’t breathe!”

The man came in after his quick dinner and asked his wife, “Are you angry with me?”

Me: “Angry? No….not angry”

Allan: “But you disagree….”

Me: “It doesn’t matter what I think….because your son fully understands why you did what you did.”

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If you really took the time off to read this from beginning till end. I thank you with all my heart. It’s not something that will make you put on a smile for the rest of the day, but you survived the super long post, reading my heartfelt words…..I thank you!