All About Your Child

Over the past few days of visiting different relatives, parents always gather around to talk about their children and the hottest topic this round was ‘When is the right time to teach your child about money?’ After I heard stories about my relatives’ children on the way the kids handle their money in school, I started to give my boys money education.

Kid no. 1, 8 years old, Primary 2

The parent went to the school canteen and wrote down all the prices of the food sold in all the stalls. The kid is given $1.50 per day to school. Everyday, she come home with $0.00 left.

Parent ask what did she spend on, she said a couple of things, but the amount did not tally. Conclusion: Parent believe the child is lying. Result: Scolding and Canning.

Parent punished her by reducing her pocket money by $0.10 every-time she lie about how she spent her money. Now she is left with only $0.70 per day.

Parent tried to use the reward system lately. They suggested to double up the total amount of whatever the kid can save by the end of the week. For example, if by Friday, the kid have a remainder of $1.00, the parent would give her an additional $2.00 as a reward. Result: The kid still comes home with $0.00 at the end of the week.

Parent have been hearing alot of stories from their own friends, like “the child may use it to buy stickers but keep them in school, so the parent will not know”, “the child may have bought other stationery but asked their friends to safeguard for them, so that the parent will be kept in the dark”, “the child may have lend the money to someone else and didn’t want the parent to know,”.…..stories like such kept going into the head of the parent.

My question to the parent: “How did you, as parent, handle your money? Do you spend whenever you see something that you like? – Yes.

Do you save your money and tell your child the importance of saving? – No.

When she was young, do you buy almost everything she asked for? – Yes.

Do you know that she is just trying to mimic whatever she see in you for the past 7 years? Now you do not allow her to buy whatever she likes and worse, you punish her by cutting her allowance, you confused the child because what you do and what you say is different. So how do you expect your child to do whatever that you want , when you yourself is not doing it?”

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Kid no. 2, 7 years old, Primary 1

The child cannot differentiate between all the denomination of the coins. Hence, when she gave a 50cents to the stall owner for a 20cents slice of cake, she just walked off without waiting for the change of 30cents.

It was after a couple of days in school before the parent realised this terrible fact! They kept complaining that they can’t believe their child is so stupid.

Now the child has $1.00 per day, all in coins, for school. Comes back with some remainders. When the parent ask what did she spend it on, she said nothing! “How could you spend money on NOTHING?!” screamed the parent.

The child still said she did not buy anything at all. Result: Canning.

After almost a week, they think that their child may not be lying after-all. The parent start to believe that the money was actually stolen by other classmates. So they asked, “Where did you put the money?” – “In the purse” “And where did you put the purse?” – “In my school bag, just like what you told me to do.” “Even when you are not in class?!” – “Yes.”

They complained again, saying that they can’t believe their child can be this stupid.

My question to the parent: “Have you let her handle money before she went to school?” – of course not! she is too young to handle money

“Then when do you think she is old enough to handle it? Like now? If you have never let her handle money before, how in the world would she know that there are coins and dollars; and what is the value of each coin?!” – ……………….

“Your child is nothing but an obedient child. You told her to put the purse in the school bag and so she did. Now you tell her that she is stupid by doing that? Can you see how confused she is?” -……………………

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So many times in life, we see young children doing funny things, ridiculous actions, unbelievable acts and we made the child accountable for the actions. Yet we have forgotten that children are the best mimics of the world. And who do they mimic? People who are closest to them…..

Before you scold your young child for doing something you don’t approve, why not hold your tongue for a few seconds and think what could have caused him to that in the first place, do you as a parent, have a part to play?

I noticed that there is a great change in parents’ attitude towards their child when their child starts schooling.

I have seen so many parents from a playmate to the child changed into a disciplinary master. Rather, even before they put on their school uniform for the first time, the child has probably noticed a big change in their parents’ behaviour.

Its no longer,”yes, child, what do you want? what would you like? would you like to do this or that?”

It has become,”child, sit here…. do this…. do that….. hold the pencil the right way….. why are you eating with your left hand….sit up right….why is your line crooked…draw a straight line….don’t colour outside the picture….and the complain list goes on….” And these complaints were voiced out either at the top of the parents’ voice or in a scolding manner. Do you really need to raise your voice?

Every-time I see such a scene, one big question (to the parents) always comes to my mind :‘Were you that perfect when you were at that age?’

Children learn as they grow, their skills improve as time passes, practice makes perfect, right? So what’s the hurry? Why do these parents expect their child to do the perfect stroke the very first time they write their first number or first alphabet? Or expect the child to get a score of 95/100 for every examination paper. To me, its ridiculous.

After so many years, and now that I am a parent of 2 myself, I finally understand why parents pressurize their kids so much when they are about to start school. The list below is true and scary to me, I often remind myself never to fall into the trap:

Parents do not want their child to appear more stupid than other children in class. Parents do not want their child to feel inferior in class. Parents wants to be proud of their child, so the child must be the best in class. Parents worry that their child may not be promoted to the next level. Finally, parents want to hear praises (not on the child) about them, how well they have trained their child.

Your child will never appear stupid in-front of anyone, unless you feel he is stupid. Your child will not feel inferior unless someone did a comparison, are you the one that is actually making him feel inferior because you compared him with someone else? How you feel about him matters more than anyone in the world.

Your child should always be the pride of your life, for the simple reason, he is your child; not because he did well in school or came in first in any competition. What about children who are born handicap? Their parents still feel proud of them. Just because they are their kids.

If your child’s limit has reached and he still fails to be promoted to the next level, there is nothing you can do. Academic results are not everything. There are alot of successful people or even millionaires who were once a school drop-out. Academic results do not equal to success in life. Train your child to have a mind to succeed in life not just on papers.

All the above expectations on their child is a result of the parents’ pride, their own pride. Seriously, there are so many parents out there who have unfulfilled wishes and they want their child to fulfill their wishes for them with unrealistic expectations on the poor child. Its a sad truth and its still happening.

Dear parents….‘Patience’ is the word. Some kids learn faster, some kids just happens to be slower. Even a rubber-band has its limits. Overstretch it and it snaps. Its the same for children. When that happens, its really difficult to get the child to love school work or even feel like going to school again. Do you know when to release your grip? Give the child some space to breathe.

So often we read in the newspapers, children at a young age, committed suicide just because they received their examination result slip and the results were not as good as the target set by the parents. Imagining that they will be scolded or beaten up, their little minds just decided to give up their precious life.

We do best in whatever we love to do. If the parents do not cultivate a love for school or a love to learn in their child, the child will just do the needed-to-do homework without absorbing it. Hence when it comes to the examination period, he will not do as well as he should have because the love for it is not there; when there is no love, there is no memory.

After teaching so many children in my life, be it during the days in the child care centre or personal tutoring, everything goes back to the basic : “How much do you understand the child? What is his learning capability? What will make him want to learn more? What is his limit?”

Your child is perfect, when he is perfect in your heart. Do you really understand your child well enough?