All About Your Child

Singapore is still not getting the number of babies needed for the population levels to remain stable without extra measures like ‘importing’ foreign talents to stay in this Garden City.

60,000 babies are NEEDED each year to make this a possibility. In other words, it needs a fertility rate of 2.1 babies per woman so that the population can replace itself naturally.

The number shows 39,935 babies were born in 2008 which is the highest number since 2002, 40,760 babies. The latest number includes the babies from the 1 million foreigners who work and stay in Singapore.

Singapore’s population is only 4.84 million and with the massive new job opportunities popping out from the opening of Marina Bay Sands^™, more immigrants are expected to make Singapore their home.

Marina Bay Sands^™ would be a place with three cascading hotel towers , retail stores, trendy Celebrity Chef restaurants, endless entertainment at the theatres, the hottest night clubs and a Las Vegas-style casino. Business visitors will also enjoy the extensive Meetings, Incentives, Conventions and Exhibitions (MICE) facilities featuring state-of-the-art technology, highly flexible exhibition halls, and a convention centre that can host over 45,000 delegates.

While everywhere else is talking about recession and retrenchment, Singapore is offering opportunities to secure your rice bowl, would you come over? I think the attraction is obvious.

Well, the Marina Bay Sands^™ will be up and running late 2009 or maybe early 2010, so we shall see how the new influx of foreigners could help with the number of babies produced.

As I write this, I find it really weird, to be conditioned subconsciously in the mind that with better living standards, babies can be produced ‘more naturally’???

Babies are born because a married couple wants to build a family, irregardless if they are rich or poor, isn’t it? Though money is definitely an issue to consider in sustaining a family’s expenses, it is still not the main consideration, isn’t it?

Anyhow, I will just sit back and see how the impact of this new landmark would have on the number of babies born when they do the count in year 2010.

Ever had problems getting your kids to keep their toys? I used to think that to get children to keep their toys after play is as hard as asking them to climb up a ladder hands-free.

My mindset was completely changed after working at the child care centre. It is a matter of making it into a habit, a routine, a die-die-must-do task. The key of the game – never do it like a chore.

Tip 1: Get 1 or 2 big storage boxes or containers just for their toys. When the toys can no longer stay in the box, even after trying their balancing skills in plying them up above the edge of the box, its time to throw.

Make it a practice to throw away toys that they hardly play with just before their birthdays. All parents know how easily toys pile up after each birthday celebration.

Be careful when it comes to throwing toys away. Never ever throw away a toy the child insists on keeping. Always ask, “Shall we throw this away?” Some may say, “Children want to keep All their toys.” That is not true.

Once the guideline is set and the children understand the reason for throwing some toys away; they willingly pick out toys they are not interested in playing with anymore. When there are fewer toys around to keep, it looks less tedious to the kids.

Tip 2: Get them to sing the Barney Clean Up Song. This less than 10 seconds song somehow has a magical touch. The more times the children sing, the faster their hands move. Who knows? Maybe this 20 year old Purple Dinosaur (just got to know that Barney is celebrating its 20th anniversary this year) does create songs that stimulate the kids’ mind.

Tip 3: Do the countdown. This is best when you need them to speed up and when the mess spreads across the ENTIRE HOUSE! Usually a 10-count should do the job, but if there are small pieces like jigsaw puzzles and Lego, then (to be fair) give a 20 or even a 30-count.

Tip 4: Never help your children. Always guide them, “Ok, after you have kept the cars, pick up the race-tracks.” Helping your kids will either cause them to slacken and/or create a mindset of “Mommy will keep it herself or for me, anyway.”

Tip 5: Never say, “I’ll come back and check on you.” Though not helping with your hands, it is important that you sit through the whole process with them. To the kids, they are doing it because you told them to and simply because they love you. So if you disappear to do your laundry or read the newspapers, they would feel that their effort is not appreciated.

Keeping toys by themselves, indirectly teaches them a very important virtue – responsibility. You play, you keep. You mess up, you clean up. Being accountable for your actions is one very valuable lesson.

Tip 6: Be generous with your compliments.

When your kids do what was instructed, say “Good Boy or Girl!”

When they choose to use both hands to pick up more than just 1 toy at a time, praise them, “That’s clever, you pick up so many toys at a time.”

When you can tell that they are feeling the strain or not motivated, encourage them, “You are doing very well.”

When they start to throw a tantrum in the middle of it, encourage them, “You are doing great, I am so proud of you, it is almost done. Just a few more pieces over here.”

Try not to keep saying the same words like, “Good boy or girl” throughout the whole process. Kids like to hear new stuff, so be creative with your compliments.

Tip 7 When the children have completed the whole process, praise them “Good Job. Look at the whole place now, it is so clean and neat. You kept them so fast. Now everyone can walk around without the fear of stepping on the toys, damaging them and hurting their feet. I am so proud of you.”

It is very important to point to the kids the significant difference before and after. Keywords like ‘clean’, ‘neat’ and ‘fast’ will stay in the children’s brain as the basic criteria they should maintain for the next round.

It is also a must to let your children know that what they did, do not only pleases you alone, it makes everyone else happy. This trains their mind to think of others in their actions.

Toys being the main part of their daily enjoyment, by saying the above sentence, you make known to them that their favourite toy is in danger of getting ‘hurt’ too, if the toy is left lying around. They would want to ‘protect’ their toys from harm and hence remember to keep them after play.

Tip 8: When all the toys are kept, always say, “I am so proud of you.” It is often good to give a small reward. Be it a hug, a kiss, a tiny M&M chocolate, a drink that they like or whatever that pleases the little ones. Rule of the thumb – never promise to give the reward before the task is assigned. This will give them the wrong motivational factor.

Tip 9: Never request your children to do it when they are in a bad mood, feeling tired or are in the mist of throwing a tantrum. You think they will cooperate? Not a chance!

Tip 10: Make if fun. Find a big cardboard. You can help by holding the cardboard and tilting it to create a slide where the landing area is the toy box. Now your kids can put all the toys which they picked up from the floor and slide them down into the toy box. Now it has became a game and they will love it!

Tip 11: As for the next playtime, suggest that your kids keep whatever they are playing at that moment first, before they bring out another toy from the toy box. This is not a must because such rule limits the children’s creativity in playing in a different way by combining different toys together.

To sum up the pointers, get your children to keep their toys at a time when they are in a relax mood, stick through it with them with lots of praises and make them feel their effort is worthwhile by giving a reward at the end.

Different people uses different ways to make their children keep their toys. The question is are they willing to do it? My MIL uses the cane and lots of other threats to get the toys off the floor. What’s your method?

I noticed that there is a great change in parents’ attitude towards their child when their child starts schooling.

I have seen so many parents from a playmate to the child changed into a disciplinary master. Rather, even before they put on their school uniform for the first time, the child has probably noticed a big change in their parents’ behaviour.

Its no longer,”yes, child, what do you want? what would you like? would you like to do this or that?”

It has become,”child, sit here…. do this…. do that….. hold the pencil the right way….. why are you eating with your left hand….sit up right….why is your line crooked…draw a straight line….don’t colour outside the picture….and the complain list goes on….” And these complaints were voiced out either at the top of the parents’ voice or in a scolding manner. Do you really need to raise your voice?

Every-time I see such a scene, one big question (to the parents) always comes to my mind :‘Were you that perfect when you were at that age?’

Children learn as they grow, their skills improve as time passes, practice makes perfect, right? So what’s the hurry? Why do these parents expect their child to do the perfect stroke the very first time they write their first number or first alphabet? Or expect the child to get a score of 95/100 for every examination paper. To me, its ridiculous.

After so many years, and now that I am a parent of 2 myself, I finally understand why parents pressurize their kids so much when they are about to start school. The list below is true and scary to me, I often remind myself never to fall into the trap:

Parents do not want their child to appear more stupid than other children in class. Parents do not want their child to feel inferior in class. Parents wants to be proud of their child, so the child must be the best in class. Parents worry that their child may not be promoted to the next level. Finally, parents want to hear praises (not on the child) about them, how well they have trained their child.

Your child will never appear stupid in-front of anyone, unless you feel he is stupid. Your child will not feel inferior unless someone did a comparison, are you the one that is actually making him feel inferior because you compared him with someone else? How you feel about him matters more than anyone in the world.

Your child should always be the pride of your life, for the simple reason, he is your child; not because he did well in school or came in first in any competition. What about children who are born handicap? Their parents still feel proud of them. Just because they are their kids.

If your child’s limit has reached and he still fails to be promoted to the next level, there is nothing you can do. Academic results are not everything. There are alot of successful people or even millionaires who were once a school drop-out. Academic results do not equal to success in life. Train your child to have a mind to succeed in life not just on papers.

All the above expectations on their child is a result of the parents’ pride, their own pride. Seriously, there are so many parents out there who have unfulfilled wishes and they want their child to fulfill their wishes for them with unrealistic expectations on the poor child. Its a sad truth and its still happening.

Dear parents….‘Patience’ is the word. Some kids learn faster, some kids just happens to be slower. Even a rubber-band has its limits. Overstretch it and it snaps. Its the same for children. When that happens, its really difficult to get the child to love school work or even feel like going to school again. Do you know when to release your grip? Give the child some space to breathe.

So often we read in the newspapers, children at a young age, committed suicide just because they received their examination result slip and the results were not as good as the target set by the parents. Imagining that they will be scolded or beaten up, their little minds just decided to give up their precious life.

We do best in whatever we love to do. If the parents do not cultivate a love for school or a love to learn in their child, the child will just do the needed-to-do homework without absorbing it. Hence when it comes to the examination period, he will not do as well as he should have because the love for it is not there; when there is no love, there is no memory.

After teaching so many children in my life, be it during the days in the child care centre or personal tutoring, everything goes back to the basic : “How much do you understand the child? What is his learning capability? What will make him want to learn more? What is his limit?”

Your child is perfect, when he is perfect in your heart. Do you really understand your child well enough?

Give your child the best.

Although most parents know that breast feeding is the best choice, but the perceived inconvenience, previous attempts failure and lack of knowledge on the actual advantages that breastmilk have caused many newborns to be denied benefiting from breastfeeding.

In the beginning, it may be frustrating and may take some effort to get it started right, but once the perserverance has passed the test, you are on your way to make a big difference in you and your baby’s life.

Breastfeeding creates a special bond between you and your baby. Every mother’s milk has a unique smell to a baby. This enhances bonding between the mother and baby. In fact this is a great help to promote behavioural development of the baby. Bottle feeding is merely providing food and even then, not necessarily the best food.

All the right kinds of fat in breastmilk comes in higher quantity but is more easily absorbable than formula milk. These include Omega fatty acids, such as DHA and AHA, which enhance your baby’s brain and vision development when they needed most.

Breastmilk contains more carbohydrates compared to formula milk to meet your baby’s needs.

Breastmilk contains less protein than formula milk, but this protein is of a form that is more digestible for the sensitive stomach. All the protein from breastmilk can be absorbed by your baby, unlike formula milk.

The proportion of the nutrients, vitamins and minerals in breastmilk changes with the needs of your growing baby up to 6 months of age. Formula milk proportion stays the same and are often less easily absorbable.

The amount of water in breast milk is just right to satisfy your baby’s thirst, thus, when you breastfeed your baby, you do not need to give water at all. The proportion of water in formula milk is dependent on how much you put in.

There are more than a hundred ingredients in breastmilk that cannot be created with human hands or brain. These are important for your baby’s complete development.

The anitbodies in breastmilk help your baby fight against infection. These are absent in formula milk. Bottle fed babies are more likely to suffer from diarrhea, ear, lung and urine infections, increases anxiety and visits to the clinic.

The taste of breast milk varies according to the mother’s diet while formula milk taste the same all the time. Thus, breastfed babies are more ready to try new food during weaning then bottle fed babies.

In the long run, breastfed babies are less likely to develop obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes when they grow up.

The best part is the mother gets to return back to her pre-pregnant weight more quickly because more calories are burnt when producing breast milk. Breast feeding also protects the mother from breast cancer.

Everyone during their childhood is bound to be afraid of something. The dark? The thunder? Insects?

How would you normally handle such a situation? When the lightning strikes, your child runs to you with his hands pressed on hard on his ears, saying “Mommy, I’m scared, mommy…I’m scared…”

Most parents would naturally hug the child and say “Don’t worry its just the thunder. It will not hurt you.”

Then goes another lightning and your boy stays in your arms to get as much security as he could. Are you going to let him stay that way till the rain stops? What if it rains the whole day, wouldn’t you want to get rid of his fear?

First, you must understand that your child is not a coward when he is afraid of something. He is just being unsure of what is going to happen.

Explaining is the cause of his fear, in this case, the thunder, is important. Let him know why there is thunder, why do thunder sound loud?

Then, change his fear to something that all kids love – FUN! I did this tactic on my boys, 4 and 2 years-old. It worked. There were several things they were afraid of at first, but now the feeling of fear against these things are long gone.

Thunder ~ we turned it into an outburst of acting silly. When the thunder came, I started to make funny noises and flap my hands in mid-air. Did it for a few times, the kids started to laugh, then they followed. So now it has become a thunder dance, whenever the lightning flashes, they are up on their feet getting ready for the outburst of energy. And when the thunder really came, my kids would be making funny sounds and swinging their whole body uncontrollably. And when its gone, they sit down and wait patiently for the next one.

Dark ~ we simply get illumine sticks. Lots of them. Allow them to stay in the dark to play with the illumine sticks.Get them to explore the dark with a torch light. Let them know that it can be fun in the dark too. For children who fear the dark, its a lot of reflection on the parents or caretakers. Children by nature are not afraid of dark. The fear is usually due to the misconception that parents give to their child through stories, like “ghost always comes out in the dark”, “there is a monster waiting for you in the dark room”. Beware of what you teach your kids. You may unintentionally introduced fear through your actions and words.

When the parents show that the thing that the kids are afraid of is actually fun, the kids just follows, remember children are natural mimics.

Is your child afraid of something?

Kids are the best models for “monkey see, monkey do.”

Parents are children’s idol. Your child loves you, adores you, respect and may even fear you, all jumbled up…Often, they just copy what you do, how you do it, what you say, how you say it, without really thinking why.

To them, since you are their idol, whatever you do MUST be right, or cool, or safe, or fun…They just want to be like you. Unknowingly, even after they grew up, they still behave the same way, more or less, as you.

Whenever I see my boys doing things the way I do, or even speaking in my style; I can’t help but rememeber the story told by T. Harv Eker in his book, The Secrets of The Millionaire Mind….

http://www.secretsofthemillionairemind.com/a/?wid=567860

“A woman who prepares a ham for dinner by cutting off both ends. Her bewildered husband asks why she cuts off the ends. She replies, “That’s how my mom cooked it.”

Well, it just so happened that her mom was coming for dinner that night. So they asked her why she cut off the ends of the ham. Mom replies, “That’s how my mom cooked it.”

So they decided to call Grandma on the phone and ask why she cut off the ends of the ham. Her answer? “Because my pan was too small!”

See? Kids just copy what they see. So please, dear parents all over the world, including myself, watch how you behave, what you say in front of your kids. They are so observant and learn so fast. Before you know it, your style is rooted in them.

Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.
~David Bly

Almost everyday, I can see from the newspapers that a child is reported missing. I think it is important to let your child be safety smart when he knows how to articulate his words.

My heart is aching as I type this down…. I lost Binbin in a shopping mall before. At that time, Binbin was only 26 months old. I was paying for his father’s birthday cake and when I was done, only Keatkeat was beside me.

Keatkeat was too busy looking at the cashier putting the cake in the box, he didn’t notice where or when did Binbin walked away.

We searched the entire basement 1 of Jurong Point Shopping Mall, I just refused to believe that Binbin would dare to go up the escalator on his own. I was fighting back my tears, my heart was pounding harder as I dashed in and out of every shop without any sight of Binbin.

I was just too “Ahhhhh…” that I didn’t even thought of going to the information counter to report the missing child. It was the security guard that grabbed my arm and said, “are you ok? Can I help?”, then I realised how flustered I was.

Immediately went to level one information counter and gave a full description of Binbin. Rushed back down to B1 to continue my search, its really not easy to find a kid that was only 0.8m tall on a busy Saturday in a shopping mall.

A few minutes later, my phone rang, the caller told me that my child was found and is waiting at the info counter.

My tears just flowed when I saw how hard Binbin was crying. Hugged him, kissed him and kept saying, “I love you very much, please hold my hands at all times…”

For kids below 4 years old, its good to write the parents phone numbers, at least, on a piece of paper and stuff it in his pocket or get a small tag, hang over his neck like a necklace.

For kids above 4 years old make them memorise you and your spouse’s handphone numbers and the home address. Teach him to use the telephone.

Let your child know that when he realise he is lost, he must stay exactly where he is and explained that it will be easier to look for him faster. Or inform a security guard, if he sees one, that he is lost.

Teach your child that other than the security guard, any other stranger who tries to coax your child to follow him, your child must yell, “I don’t know you, you are not my mother or father, go away!”

These tips are not excuses for parents to be inattentive to their children when they are outdoor, rather it pays to arm the child with these basic safety knowledge when emergency arise.

How many of you feel that your child is not close to you? Refuse to share his thoughts with you? Or doesn’t even want to sit down and have a chat with you?

Seriously, if your answer to the above questions is Yes, Yes and Yes! There are 7 questions you really need to ask yourself. As parents, its our responsibility to give our child all the love and care they deserve, if you have not been giving the basic to your child, please do not expect much from them.

Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~Jesse Jackson

1- How much time do you give your child? Your child feel loved when you spend time with him doing things he love. Playing, reading, singing, watching cartoons or simply just acting silly at times. Everyday, set aside a ‘child-bonding time’.

During this time, please, put your work, your worries and all other committments aside. Be fully involved. Through actions, your child will definitely draw closer to you.

If there is a day you cannot spend time with your child, give him a call, not to inform him, but to chat with him just for a few minutes to show that you are sorry and you miss him.

If ever you made a promise to your child and you could not fulfill it, please make it up to him. This is very important. You are teaching your child integrity by fulfilling your promise in another way. For example, you promised to be present in his school sports day and you could not make it. Make it up to him, by bringing him to a place he enjoy or have dinner with him in a special restaurant.

2- How often do you talk to your child? Communicate is the word. Not one-way talking where you talk and your child listen. But rather let your child speak and you listen. Give opinions, feelings and ideas and not rebuke and lecture.

I have always emphasized, understanding your child is the essence to an enjoyable parenting life. But how can you understand your child if he wasn’t given a chance to let you come into his world and share his world with you?

Communication is not just a talk and listen process, it includes body language too. When was the last time you hug your child, give him a pat on the back or a kiss on the cheek? Actions speaks louder than words. And never forget to tell him, “I love you”.

3- When was the last time you laugh with your child? Laughing together over the same thing shows that the two of you really enjoy each other’s company. That is definitely a plus point in bond building. Take time to play with him. Its not the toys that matters, its the enjoyment that counts. The bond that you are building now will last a long time even as your child matures.

4- How involved are you in your child’s problems? Remember, your child looks up to you. In the early years of his life, especially when he starts to go school, there will always be obstacles that he finds it hard to get over.

Always listen to the whole story, repeat the problem back to your child to make sure that you do understand first, before giving suggestions. Never pre-judge.

Help to develop your child’s ability to solve problems too, by asking him about his feelings, his view and any possible solutions he has thought of. Allow your child to think through each solution, ask him what he thinks would be the likely consequences to each option.

Decide on the most appropriate solution together. A closer bond is built when the two of you can overcome the problem as a team.

5- When was the last time you complement your child? All humans love to hear nice words said about themselves. For children, praising them not only lift up their spirits, but also act as a great motivator to continue to do good in the eyes of his parents.

Please praise him with all your heart without a ‘but’ at the end of the complement. For example, “I love your colouring, but why is the elephant pink in colour?” Its more like throwing a wet blanket. Be clear of what you are complementing him of. Instead of saying, “good boy”, try to say, “good job, you kept all your toys back into the box, its so neat now.”

6- How sensitive are you to his feelings? Do you notice that your child is not smiling? Do you notice that he is not behaving as he always does? Or is he exceptionally joyful today? Ask him what is the thing that is causing such a reaction in him.

Let him talk about his feelings, listen to him, make sure you understand his feelings by saying, “it seems to me that you are unhappy with your teacher for scolding you in front of the whole class.” Let him have a chance to clarify his feelings, if your understanding was wrong. Your actions here is really telling him that you want to understand him better.

7- How much due freedom are you giving your child? Some parents are just too busy with their work and could not be bothered about their child. Other parents are too afraid that their child will get themselves in any trouble and gave no room for independence.

In all things, balance is important. You can let a young child to play at the playground with his friends under supervision. A teenager can be given more freedom in his activities but with the parents keeping track of his whereabouts and the friends he is with.

Remember, it takes two hands to clap when it comes to building any relationship. It will always be easier for the parents to start bridging the gap early than for the child to say, “Mummy, can you spare me some of your time?”