All About Your Child

I wanted to reply every single comment for the previous post. But I realized everyone was so concerned. So Instead of replying every single comment, I thought maybe I should just post the answers as today’s post.

There are SEVERAL reasons why everything turned out so terrible. Hopefully by answering all the comments for yesterday’s post, everyone will get a clearer picture…

Jasmine: “funny thing is why does your SIL willing to have 3kids when she can’t even teach/handle/take care of them…now the kids & your MIL are the ones suffering…indirectly also get you involve too…sigh..”

None of the 3 kids were planned for. All were unexpected. When they had Zeng Yee, the first child, my parents-in-law ended their 20+ years of hawker life. The 2 old folks took care of Zeng Yee as their full-time job. My MIL told my SIL not to worry about Zeng Yee and that she can continue to work.

I stayed with my PIL and my BIL and SIL after I was married for the first year. That’s why Zeng Yee and I are so close. I will play with her whenever I’m at home and help to take care of her occasionally when my MIL is busy in the kitchen.

Then Mun Yee came to earth. Or rather she managed to survive after 3 months of intense suffering - see her birth story here. But my SIL was not happy. She had always wanted a boy. My BIL and parents-in-law (PIL) favour boys more than girls. So she has always wanted to try for a boy. But my BIL did not want, but somehow by accident AGAIN, Weidong was born.

Everything happened so fast. And over the years, my SIL and PIL have more and more “silent arguements”, they are unhappy with each other, but they just don’t talk about it. My SIL has also done many things to piss my PIL off like what she did in this post.

Yes, I would agree with you that MIL is suffering but to SIL, it is NOT. SIL is angry that MIL didn’t treat her better because she finally bore my MIL a grandson (its funny how she thinks) and SIL will NEVER quit her job cos she doesn’t want to stay at home to face the two old folks the whole day. SIL thinks that since the 2 of them have looked after 4 kids at the same time before, now that she have 3 kids to look after and Zeng Yee is already 7 and Mun Yee-4, it shouldn’t be a big issue at all. (the 4 kids were my 2 sons and my SIL’s 2 girls -when I was still in retail line)

I have told SIL (by the way, I’m SIL’s counsellor *wink* she calls me whenever she face problems) that it was different. Years ago, MIL was slightly younger, more energetic and her diabetes and high blood pressure have not attack her yet. Now she is on medication everyday, aged that much more…its not comparable. But SIL will just brush me off by saying, “no! its because you bore her 2 grandsons first, that’s why she was willing to make the sacrifice…” *faint*

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LZmommyDoes their Mom knows what’s happening to her 3 kids? Poor girl to always get the blame for everything… Hope this will not affect their siblings relationship…

Yes her mom, which is my SIL, knows! Even when SIL is at home, when she has no work, MIL treat them that way too. My MIL will act exactly the same way. Because the kids are with my MIL more than with my SIL, they stick to my MIL even though SIL is at home. So there isn’t any difference if SIL is at home or not. So SIL will stay in the office and deal with the ordering of the cards business.

My SIL’s perfect excuse was, “The kids doesn’t cling on to me, there’s nothing I can do right?”

Since young, Zeng Yee was with my MIL, sleeps with my MIL, eats with my MIL….MIL IS HER MOMMY! And because of all the differences between PIL and SIL, my MIL would often say things like this to Zeng Yee, “Your mommy is stupid. Brainless. Cannot even get simple things done. Always irritate your father….and blah blah blah….”

Zeng Yee’s mind was poisoned since young….its sad…very sad…but the worse part was SIL NEVER PROVE to Zeng Yee that she is not like what MIL said about her! So to Zeng Yee, its true and now that she is 7 years old, she have eyes to see it for herself…and she dislike her mommy to the core, almost! Among everyone (13 of us not including Zeng Yee), my SIL is ranked number 2 from BOTTOM UP!

Because of Zeng Yee’s reaction towards her, SIL was determined not to let history repeat itself for her 2 other kids - Mun Yee and Weidong. The only BIG CHANGE she did was - sleep with the 2 of them at night. And that made Zeng Yee feel that SIL and BIL only love her younger sis and bro, not her…that created a thicker, icier wall between Zeng Yee and my SIL.

Whenever the kids fight, SIL will DEFINITELY take sides. SIL will always say its Zeng Yee’s fault! That’s why Zeng Yee hates Mun Yee like hell! By the way, Mun Yee is ranked 3rd from the BOTTOM.

I always HUG Zeng Yee whenever I can. I shower her with more love. I think she needs it more than any other kid in the house.

THE MOST HORRIBLE THING is, my MIL thinks that she may die any moment so she is FORCING Zeng Yee to hate her by pushing her away, being NOT NICE to her, scold her that much more and all those awful stuff. But that’s just wrong! Zeng Yee is sooooo hurt! My MIL did all that because she doesn’t want Zeng Yee to cling on to her so much, ‘cos she knows that when she dies, Zeng Yee would be devastated!

MIL hopes that by pushing Zeng Yee away, Zeng Yee will feel her granny doesn’t like her anymore and runs to her Mommy! BUT NO! Zeng Yee, clinged onto my MIL that much more or the little girl will come to me, every sunday, I’m her sunday-mommy.

All of us told MIL that its wrong, but like I’ve said in the previous post, she doesn’t want people to tell her otherwise.

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Erin oh, I don’t think I could go without hurting her pride.

Erin, I could be dumb and deaf about almost anything. But when it comes to kids-related matters, I’ll get it off my chest…

But there was this time…*sigh* I made my MIL cry!

Allan told me he had seen my MIL cry twice in all his life. The first time was when my 2nd BIL (NOT Zeng Yee’s dad) moved out to his new home as he was preparing for his marriage. The second time was caused by ME! (I’m so powerful, ya? I made the tigress CRY!)

When MIL told Allan and I that she didn’t  think she was able to take care of 5 kids when Weidong was still in SIL’s tummy (5 kids were my 2 boys, Zeng Yee, Mun Yee and Weidong), she told us to think of a plan.

Allan and I decided to get a maid, ‘cos our retail biz starts from 11am to 10pm, so Child Care Centre timing doesn’t suit us. But MIL made a big hoo-har about it. She called me up EVERYDAY, even when I was serving customers, she refused to put down the phone. She was getting on my nerves!

MIL saw too much ‘bad news’ from the TV about maid abusing the kids or even cause death to the kids…blah blah blah….so we said, ok, child care centre then. She is STILL not happy! She say, other children will spread germs to her beloved Grandsons. She never knew that SIL’s tummy was a boy then, she was all out to protect her grandsons from any harm, she favoured boys more than girls, remember?

So she called me day in day out. There was this time, when we went there late at night to fetch the kids after our stall is closed, she insists that we bring our tired body into her house and talk it out. I was tired and pissed from getting her calls everyday, repeating the same old gruesome stories of maid abusing the kids…blah blah blah…

…and so I shouted, “OK OK, THAT’S ENOUGH! NOT GETTING A MAID ALREADY! DON’T NEED TO SAY ANYMORE!”

…the next morning, when we brought the kids over before we went to setup our stall, my MIL was pale as a sheet of paper, her eyes were swollen, tears were flowing down…

my (quiet) FIL insists that we come in and soothe the old woman. FIL said MIL had been crying all night. Did not even sleep at all!

Why?

Because I shouted at her! *sigh*

So since then….all eyes were on me, the moment I open my mouth. All were ready with their bows and arrows, aiming at me, every time I reply my MIL something…

You see, I was more or less the favored daughter-in-law, ‘cos there wasn’t in-laws conflicts. My mom left and my dad was dead, so all she needs to handle was just the sweet-nice-amiable ME! So when I shouted at her, she couldn’t take it…

That’s why I’ve kept my silence and watched my words since then….*sigh*

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Angie: “ No way i am going to leave my child with a caregiver like this…”

Angie, so after all the above, do you see that SIL never thinks that its a choice. It was a MUST! SIL thinks that it is a MUST for PIL to take care of her 3 kids since ALL OF THEM are staying under the same roof!

At this point, maybe alot of you may think, what the hell is BIL doing about all these then?! BIL have suggested getting a maid. He said to my MIL, “with you around, you won’t need to worry about maid abusing the kids already right?” But my MIL still refused! She said she did not like the idea of having a stranger in the house. ….*sigh*

you see, that’s my MIL, she gives us the ‘problem’ but is never satisfied with ANY solutions given.

so since then, BIL have NEVER mentioned this again and couldn’t be bothered about her complains - about how tough it is to take care of 3 kids at her old age of 62 and blah blah blah…

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Ling: “hmm … is ur MIL stress taking care of 3 grandchildren on her own? usually they like to reply back when we question abt their parenting style.”

yes girl, she is stressed up! But her pride is on the upperhand. She doesn’t want to let other’s feel she is incapable. So though she complained so much, she never admitted that she is stressed even though we questioned her.

and yup! Old folks being old folks, they think they have ate more salt than we have ate rice, so they always thinks that they know much better than us…

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Crazymumma: “ Oh dear. It sounds just chaotic. Do you ever have to leave your girls alone with her?”

Crazymumma, you meant my boys is it? If you had read the above, you know I’ve been leaving my boys there till my little nephew, Weidong was born. And yes she did hit them too, even though both my boys were not even 3years old then…..

but there’s nothing we could do then, we didn’t find any alternatives till we were up against the wall, that’s how I became the FULL TIME SAHM now….

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Imelda “child abuse must have to stop from the parents, so the children won’t do it to their future children as well.”

I grew up in an ‘abusive’ family and I’ve have super close friends in such families too….and if you had known me much earlier, my blog posts are often around this topic…

I wouldn’t say my MIL is abusing the kids, she just couldn’t bring down her pride and seek help…

But yes, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the danger is there. The very first time you lift a finger on someone, it slowly eats into you and then it became a habit, then it became natural and worse it became a MUST to inflict pain on the person in order to soothe the uneasiness in one’s heart…its scary, I grew up in such horrible 4 walls…where there’s no escape….

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june: “I really can’t comment much because she is your MIL…
having said that, i hope the kids will not cause so many problems cos your MIL will be very stressed up thus, resorted to this style of parenting “

Oh girl, don’t worry about giving comments, everyone has different views and concerns, I accept all comments even if they are ‘unpleasant’ to my ears, I still keep them in my comment box…but no spam please! So spammers you are never going to get your butt to sit on my blog!

like I’ve said before, the ‘creator’ of most problems is usually the 4 year old, complain queen, Loh Mun Yee….*sigh*

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Thank you everyone!

Today’s Family Gathering was a roller coaster ride, with the kids of course, I’m their Sunday nanny remember?

When I reached there, Zeng Yee and her younger sis Mun Yee were in the Study Room playing with PC games, completely ignoring the mess on the floor. You see, my 1st BIL is in the cards-printing business, so the study room is like a storeroom cum office. Millions of cards, be it in boxes or loose pieces, are on the shelves, the tables and the floors stacked up real high…

Me: “What Happened?! Why are all the cards (loose pieces) scattered all over the place? I could hardly step in…”

Both girls: “It was Weidong (their 1year old brother)! He pushed the whole stack of cards on the floor.”

Then I went for my lunch, right after which, my MIL demanded that the 2 girls switched off the PC by shouting from the kitchen, her usual practice, which is right at the other end of the house, so she wasn’t aware of the mess.

Then my eldest niece, Cheng Han arrived with his dad alone (my SIL didn’t come today), around the time when lunch was almost over.

We were playing ’school’, I’m the student of cos, Cheng Han and Zeng Yee took turns to be the teacher. Just when everyone was happy, my MIL SAW the mess in the room and went mad!

MIL: “Zeng Yee! Mun Yee! Go and clear up the mess right NOW!”

My helpful eldest niece, Cheng Han went into the room and in less than 2 seconds, the complain queen, Man Yee came out crying. Went straight to my MIL and said, “Jiejie (sister) don’t let me keep…boo hoo hooo…”

Next moment, the 7year old and 8year old came out and shouted, “Mama (granny) its done!”

MIL: “So fast?! I don’t believe. I’ll go check later.”

Mun Yee was completely upset with my MIL’s response (the little 4year old wanted my MIL to scold her sis), ran into the bedroom and cried even louder. As seconds passed, the sound of the crying increased in volume, it went louder and louder and louder, its her usual style of getting attention.

We couldn’t be bothered, so we went back to our little pretend game. While we were pretending to go for a school trip, everyone was getting in line with all our bags on our back,  my MIL semi-ran-walk out of the kitchen to the living room, grabbed Zeng Yee’s hair, pulled her (backwards) by the hair as she reached for the cane and the moment she got hold of that long stick made from bamboo, she whacked Zeng Yee hard on the butt.

Without saying anything, MIL brisk-walked into the bedroom and all we heard were several whipping sound and the yelling Mun Yee.

MIL: “You wan to cry is it? I will let you cry even louder!” as she caned the 4 year old Mun Yee.

I knew my MIL is in the unstable emotional state AGAIN. Actually it happens ALMOST every sunday. So I signalled my boys and my eldest niece, Cheng Han to the sofa and we squeezed together as we see the angry old lady came out from the room, shouting at Zeng Yee, who is already crying loudly as she stroke her painful butt.

MIL: “I told the 2 of you to clear the mess, why didn’t you allow meimei (younger sis) to clear the mess?!”

Zeng Yee: “Its NOT ME!!! Its Jiejie (pointing at my eldest niece). Meimei told you that “Jiejie don’t allow her to keep”, there are 2 jiejie(s), why did you insist that it is ME!? You didn’t even ASK AND YOU HIT ME!”

(MIL is someone who REFUSE to lose in any argument and will never ADMIT that she is the wrong in front of others, but when it comes to 1-to-1, sometimes she does say things like, “I didn’t know…so you can’t blame me…”)

MIL (though knowing she hit Zeng Yee for the wrong reason, she finds other excuses for beating her): “You messed up the whole room, of cos’ I’ve got to beat you! 7year old already and yet still not sensible!”

Zeng Yee: “Its NOT ME!!!! It was WEIDONG!”

You can see the sorry look on my MIL’s face but being a proud person, she just refused to say she is in the wrong.

MIL: “But you and Mun Yee were in the room the whole morning playing computer. Of cos’ the mess is done by the 2 of you…..Errr…I didn’t even see Weidong go into the room…”

Zeng Yee: “Of cos’ you didn’t see!!!! You are in the KItchen all morning! How would you know!!!?”

MIL: “How dare you talk back?! No respect for me! So rude! How can you talk to me in this manner?! Where’s your manners? You want me to beat you more, is that it?”

Zeng Yee: “You are always like that. Never ask and always assume that its me!”

MIL: “Damn You! Still have no regards for me as your elderly is it?! Need more canning to wake you up right?”

See? That’s my MIL…when she got nothing else to say, she will say ridiculous stuff like these…

I used to speak up for my little Zeng Yee, I’ve mentioned before that she is more like a daughter to me than a niece. ‘Cos we are just sooooo close! Zeng Yee dislike her parents and the granny (my MIL) who brought her up is like ‘that‘, so she turns to me for almost all ‘inside‘ problems.

But I no longer step into such situations anymore, because my MIL will scold me for nothing. Remember NO ONE is allowed to bring her pride down and tell her that she is in the wrong….

So I asked Cheng Han, “Is it true that you didn’t allow Mun Yee to keep the cards on the floor?”

Cheng Han: “No. I went in and help to keep the cards. But Mun Yee was unhappy that I kept that section of the mess WHICH SHE INTENDED to keep. Then she just ran out and cry.”

Somehow I expected this. Mun Yee is someone who always put the blame on others and she is always the first one to complain about anything under the sun, yet most of the daily troubles in the family were started by her.

Anyway, hours later, when Allan arrived after his appointment with his client, we were all back to the happy mood again.

I told Allan what happened. He said, “Cheng Han and Mun Yee were at fault.”

He turned his face to the ‘helpful one’ and the ‘complain queen’, “You (Cheng Han), why must you be a busybody? Being helpful is good when your help is needed. But when you aren’t needed, this is what happens….. And YOU (Mun Yee), you think by crying, Zeng Yee Jiejie will be beaten, but in the end what happened? You get beaten too! So what’s the point of crying. Crying only cause yourself pain. And every time you cry, Jiejie is always the one taking the pain from the cane. You are very happy is it?”

Mun Yee: “Jiejie is not a good girl. She always make me cry….”

Zeng Yee: “I don’t like you. I hate you. Go away….don’t take my colour pencils and my stickers and…”

Mun Yee: “Then you don’t play with my small piano and my blah blah blah…..”

That’s how my MIL manages the 3 kids Zeng Yee (7), Mun Yee (4) and Wei Dong (1) EVERY SINGLE DAY in that 4 walls…..though her 3 sons often tell her that her ‘grand-parenting’ style is wrong, she would reply, “That’s how I brought up the 3 of you and did the 3 of you ‘turned bad’? No! So, there is NOTHING wrong with what I’m doing now….”

Tough nut, yes?

Binbin didn’t sleep till 1am last night. Nope, no tantrums, nothing out of the ordinary. He was just too excited and happy yesterday because everything went smoothly for him the whole day, that was the caused of his insomia.

He did so well for his very first attempt on ‘Bowling Buddies’ on my Facebook, got a couple of spares. His face was glowing with pride as he slowly fell asleep. Come to think of it, my Facebook games are played by everyone else except me, the owner of the account…Allan loved the games and was so addicted to it, which got the kids involved in it too and now Keatkeat is so good in the ‘Bowling Buddies’ that my sis opened a Facebook account just for him a few months ago….

When Binbin was truly in dreamland, my tummy was growling so loud I couldn’t ignore. So I got up, wanted to eat some Cheese Rings to shut my tummy up, but it went on with its protest till I had my bowl of instant noodles.

So Allan and I watched one of his favourite show ‘Dirty Jobs’ on Discovery Channel as I gobbled down that bowl of hot noodle soup. When that was done, I was too full to sleep (I do have a problem, don’t I…hmmmm…).

We kept switching channels till we saw a (repeat telecast) local Mandarin comedy variety program called ‘Conscience Found’ (in English).

The topic was on parenting. They acted out how parents through common practises slowly but surely spoiled their child, unknowingly. When they finally realised it, it was too late to turn back the clock…the show ended with this sentence…

(translated in English)
Kids are adorable,
but there are moments when they could be a pain in the ass too.
If we are too lenient towards them,
the consequence may turn out to be lamentable.

What are your thoughts about the above? I’m on the brink of breaking my angel-like patience with my 4-year-old Keatkeat already. Yes, I’ve mentioned before the characteristics of a 4-year-old. I thought I was prepared for it. Afterall, I’ve taught 4-years-old before and that was a whole bunch of them when I was in Child Care.

But then I realised that IT WAS DIFFERENT when it comes to your own kids, its just NOT THE SAME….you witness the change from a little angel to a little ‘devil’, someone who used to listen and goes with your whims and fancies has changed into someone who is all out to irritate you and when your confront him:

Me: “Keatkeat, why did you do this?”

Keatkeat: *Shrugged his shoulders*

Me: “Do you know by doing this, you will irritate me?”

Keatkeat: “Yes.”

Me: “Then why did you still do it?!”

Keatkeat: *Giggled* “I don’t know.”

Me: “You think it’s funny to this or it’s funny to irritate me?”

Keatkeat: *Giggled more*

(Then the man of the house would step in)

Allan: “Don’t need to talk to him, he never learns, let him feel physical pain, that’s how he will learn.”

Me: “Keatkeat, I don’t like to scold you and I don’t want to beat you like Papa, can you please (beggingly) stop all these nonsense?”

Keatkeat: “Sorry Mommy.”

Just when you have forgotten about the issue, he did it again in another way!!!! *Urgghhhhh* Then before I can open my mouth, Allan whacked him….you think that solved the problem? NO!!!!! ‘cos when the pain on the skin is long gone, Keatkeat is up to his mischief AGAIN! That’s how difficult a 4-year-old can be!!!!

So to me, those words of advice I saw at the end of the programme set me thinking….its not only about your parenting style its about changing your parenting style to suit the changing development stages of your child as he goes through self-exploration and changes in his personality before he is moulded and ‘take-shape’ permanently as a grown-up - that’s the challenging part!

Being a parent is having to wake up at 5am in the morning with eyes half open and mind still asleep, holding a dustbin infront of your coughing child, ready to catch whatever vomits that is going to come splashing out of his mouth like the merlion.

Then due to over-exertion, your little flesh and blood couldn’t hold his bladder and water came out from below at the same time as semi-liquids spat out from the mouth (OF COS THEY ARE OF DIFFERENT SUBSTANCE)

And you’ve got to wash the bedsheet, the bolster cover, the pajamas even before the sun is up. Clean him up real good to make sure he doesn’t smell like an unwashed toilet bowl and finally gave up your own bed for him to rest while you hang the washed mattress out of the window, waiting and hoping for the sun to do its magnificent work on that wet mess real soon.

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Being a parent is having to go through a conversation like this:-

Kid: “Mommy, why Henry’s Mommy buys toys for Henry even though its not his birthday?
Mommy (who is determined to stick by her principal): “Is Henry’s Mommy your Mommy?”
Kid: “No.”
Mommy: “Would you like to be Henry’s Mommy’s Son?”
Kid: “No.”

Mommy: “But if you become her son, you don’t need to wait till it’s your birthday to have toys.”
Kid: “I don’t love her, I don’t want to be her son.”
Mommy: “So do you love me?”
Kid: “Yes”
Mommy: “Do you want to continue to be my son?”
Kid: “Yes”

Mommy: “So if you love me and wants to continue to be my son, what should you do?”
Kid: “Listen to you.”
Mommy: “So what did I say about buying toys then?”
Kid: “You will buy toys only on my birthday.”

Mommy: “Agree?” (Sticking out the pinky finger)
Kid: “Yes” (Hooking his pinky onto the mommy’s pinky finger)

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Being a parent is having to harden your heart to give appropriate punishment at the appropriate time.

And after 5 minutes of ‘Quiet Time’, you come back and see the younger one was actually having fun (while being punished) with his tiny feet in his PaPa’s shoes and then you extended another 5 minutes as you get that pair of big shoes far from his reach.

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Being a parent is having to come up with a new story every night, with a good morale behind it and eventually made your little one cry because of your talented story-telling skills (*laugh* thick-skinned! But Binbin DID CRY over one of my made-up stories) and then wake up in the morning with wet kisses all over your face, good enough for a saliva-facial-treatment.

Being a parent is having to give up your leisure time, your me-time, you and your hubby’s lovey-dovey time and be the idol of your children completely.

Being a parent is having a couple of additional white hairs, a number of awful night rests, a hundred of worries, a thousand of laughters and a lifetime of bonded-love.

Panda eyes, worn-out body, additional stress, endless worries, challenging kiddy issues IN EXCHANGE FOR a bond so strong that only GOD could separate it (which HE would never do), this GAME OF PARENTING I’m all in! Are you in this with Me too?

(This is a continuation from the previous post. I strongly suggest that you read the previous one before going on to this…or else, you might be going “Huh?”, “How come?” , “What was that?”, “Why” as you read along) So please go ahead and read the previous post first….

The old folks say, “Its because he (Binbin) is a ‘2-eyed’ (on the top of his head) kid. ‘2-eyed’ kids are ALWAYS a difficult child.”

The superstitious say, “He could have been disturbed by the ‘unclean‘, hence he doesn’t rest well for so many days, afterall we ARE 10 days into the one month long Hungry Ghost Festival. Go wash him with ‘hong hua’ leaves and he will be fine.”

The logicalist say, “He may have over-played during the day or just before he sleeps, that’s why he can’t rest well.” (Hey it was many days ok! Not just one day, so I disagree with this)

Whatever it is. This HAD TO STOP. After what happened on the previous night. This morning at 1am, he started yelling again while I was blog hopping to finish off my 300+ posts-yet-to-be-read…

Remember my hint? I wasn’t asleep, so I wasn’t pissed. I was ready to play the waiting game. My mind was all set and geared up to the challenge.

I stepped away from my PC and walked towards the bedroom, he was jumping up and down on my bed with his knees bent. I asked him, “Are you ok? What happened?”

“Ahhhhhh…….MMaaaaaMMeeeee, I Want You!” he yelled in response.

“OK, I’m here. Come, Mommy hug you.” As I moved towards him, he backed off and hit his back against the wall and started banging himself against it.

It became my turn to back-off, till it was 1 meter away from him, that’s when he stopped the banging but still in the tantrum condition.

I kept quiet. I waited. I waited for him to speak first. I waited for him to tell me what he was truly unhappy about. He knows me well. He knows I am waiting for the answer.

After 2-3mins, he stopped moving. He stopped yelling. He stared blankly on my crumpled bedsheet. After another 2-3mins, he fell asleep.

I walked away, back to my PC. Managed to type but another 5 alphabets and it started again! He was banging and screaming.

“Yes Binbin? What do you want? Milk?” I begged for an answer, but completely at peace mentally, ‘cos I wasn’t sleepy.

“Yaaaeeeeeesssssss!” answered unwillingly and in an absolute angry tone, as if he felt he have lost in the Mastermind game whereby I read his thoughts so well.

Allan prepared his milk, but half the usual quantity, fearing that he may wet the bed at night if he fell asleep again while sucking his bottle.

Upon seeing his milk bottle, he yelled and started another tantrum which have stopped some seconds ago, “Don’t want! I don’t want! Waaaaaahhhhhh!”

I put it aside, without a word and again, he sat there motionless for minutes and dozed off in a sitting position with his legs bent backwards. So I went to my PC again, this time I managed to get another sentence on the comment box and there goes my 3 year old again at the top of his voice, whining away in attempt to wake all my neighbours.

I took the milk and put it in front of his face without saying a word. He backed off again. This time he stuffed his little bum into the gap between my bed and the wall. At that corner, he continued to cry, to whine, but much longer this time, as if to fight his tireness in order not to doze off again, but he failed. He slept with his bum stuck in that tiny gap between the bed and the wall.

Again I walked away, but this time, before I was even seated, he screamed, “I WANT MORE MILK MILK!”

OH! So that’s what he wanted. So I went to prepare a NEW bottle of milk, ‘cos the previous one prepared by the dad was way too cold for consumption already.

I put it in front of his face. He took it. Yeah! I thought. But I celebrated too early, the next moment, he threw it on the mattress and wet his own bed when the milk spilled out. I glared at him. Still keeping my mouth closed. I’m not gonna shout, not gonna yell and definitely not gonna do what I did yesterday.

Allan knew it was NOT a normal tantrum, he got up and took charged, he wanted me to stop the waiting game, he wanted to do the hard way, but gently. He carried the struggling kid to the kitchen. As Binbin kicked and beat his dad, the man was determined to get the unfamiliar kid out of the bedroom in fear of waking up the elder one who was happily talking in his sleep.

Binbin grew tired of struggling, ‘cos he knows in term of strength, he was bound to lose to his dad. He rested his tired body completely on the chest of his dad. Allan started to ask questions, “Binbin, we want to help you feel better. But if you don’t tell us, we can’t help you.”

“I DON’T WANT YOU!!! GO AWAY!! i WANT MOMMY!!!” screamed my boy.

But Allan know his little boy too well, he knew that it was a trick, he just want to fly out of his clutches. Allan refused to let go even though Binbin was kicking and beating even harder than before on the big-walking-punching-bag.

Allan suggested that I should switched on the Playhouse Disney channel for him, he thinks that that may calm him down. I obeyed. He carried the child to the living room from the kitchen and rested him on the sofa.

He quietened down and demanded angrily, “I WANT MY BABY BOLSTER AND MY CUTE LITTLE BABY!”

I did as commanded by my little sergeant. He lied down on the sofa, hugging his bolster and his little bear, sucking his milk with his eyes glued on the TV. I NEVER ALLOW THAT!!! Allan knew I was unhappy but he gave me the eye-signal, “just for this time, ok? just this one time…”

Allan was extremely exhausted, it was 3am in the morning, he went to bed and snored in seconds. I went back to my PC and typed yesterday’s post. When I was through, I heard the sound of the TV being switched off. Little foot steps were approaching me and when I turned my head, the little rascal was smiling at me, “Mommy, can you switch off the PC, I need to sleep already.”

That was the sweetest sentence ever for the entire day! He slept in less than 5mins, but I was wide awake still. I continued my blog hopping and at 4.30am, it was Keatkeat’s turn, he was up sneezing, mucus were all over his mattress cover and pillow case, my poor Allan was woken again!

We cleared up the mess but Keatkeat wouldn’t stop sneezing. I gave him the runny nose medicine and stayed beside him till he was back in dreamland again. By then at 5.30am, I was exhausted, that’s when I switched off my PC and went off to bed…

Its 9.45pm now, almost time for bed for the kids. My fingers and toes are crossed real tight. Will today be the 3rd day in a row, to have another crazy night with my 3 year old? *sigh* Will you keep your fingers and toes crossed for me too?

Yes parenting is probably the most challenging job in the world, ‘cos the person(s) you are dealing with is your own flesh and blood,

In order to get out of a situation like working under an awful superior OR being in a job that sucks energy out of you more than the satisfaction it gives you, is just a resignation letter. But you can NEVER tender that letter to your child or children, or CAN YOU, like putting them in a box and leave them in the middle of a forest, eh?

It’s been days….I’ve lost count, that my 3 year old Binbin hasn’t been sleeping well. Tossing and turning in the middle of the night. Climbing up to my bed from his mattress and kicking his dad’s butt to the ground to ‘rightfully‘ own that spot next to me.

All these is fine, is tolerable, is rather understandable too. A nightmare would wake me up and when that happens, I would love to lie close to the person I love most or feel most secure with, in order to get myself back to dreamland again.

But yesterday (08.08.08) was a true nightmare, or rather an early wake up call from my little rooster. It was 6am in the morning, the sky was still as dark as my hair. Binbin started screaming and yelling at the top of his voice after he fell off the bed.

I hugged him, in attempt to console him and calm him down, at the same time to check if there was any injury or cuts, HE PUSHED ME AWAY! I was thinking, “Did he think that I was the one who pushed him off the bed?”

He continued his yelling, hey, my super-elastic-patience-band was on the verge of snapping. Afterall, I haven’t been getting well deserved rest ever since the 2 days of 12 hours of standing in the heat AND the tossing and turning of this little rascal every night. I wonder if this act was a punishment for me for leaving him alone with his dad and brother for 2 days. I wonder.

I coaxed him, I begged him with my eyes half-opened, “Yes Binbin, what is it? What do you want?” He was starting a tantrum, a real tantrum with kicking and banging and throwing stuff around…THAT WAS IT! I SNAPPED!!!

“Look here!!! You woke everyone up in the middle of the night just to see you throw a tantrum?! I can’t accept this! I’m gonna count to 3 (Binbin is too familiar with this, he knows that at the end of 3 counts, if he doesn’t answer my question, I will be out of his sight. The dearest person in the whole world out of his sight is the worst punishment for this little boy of mine. I hardly need to get to this for my elder son), TELL ME WHAT DO YOU WANT??!”

Without even saying “1″, he yelled, “I want glucose water!”

Fine! I’ll get you that! I get cooled down the moment the kid talks to me. I’m this kind of parent. You can throw a tantrum, you can whine, but at the end of it, you must tell me the reason behind the tantrum, behind the whining, that’s me. Don’t ever try to go non-stop on that, I’m not into that kind of game!

I got his glucose water, handed it to him. Did you think that was it? NO! He shove my hand away and knock his bottle off! Boy oh Boy, I was pissed. Hey I was very sleepy ok?! Can’t I be pissed? He wanted the glucose water, I gave it to him. Without drinking it, he slapped it off my hand!

THAT’S IT! You want a tantrum? I’ll give you a TANTRUM! I was slapping every pillow around me! I was even yelling! Oh yes I was! I stared at him and screamed at his face, “LIE DOWN AND DRINK YOUR GLUCOSE WATER RIGHT NOW!!!” This is a side of me that you probably could never have imagine, I guess! Don’t wake me up from my sleep for no reasons- that’s the hint! The only people I want to apologize to are my poor neighbours……but the crucial question is Did It Work???

It did!!!! Though in total shock and still in tears, he was still able to pick up the bottle and suck that sweet drink down his throat. It’s an open secret that sucking calms a baby and it still does for a toddler. Before he could even finish the 100ml off, he was fast asleep till 11.15am.

———————————————————————————-

Today or rather NOW, he did it again, but I was wide awake before he even started his rounds again. It started at 1am….now, it 3.30am. My tactic was very different today, (remember the hint? ‘cos I wasn’t asleep yet)

But I’m really tired now and he is finally willing to talk now. He just walked up to me to tell me that he wants to sleep, like as if nothing happened for the past 2 hours.

I’ve got to go get him and myself some rest….today’s story is more exciting…but I’ll leave it till the sun is up in the sky before I rant blog about it…so good night everyone….

I thought it was bad enough for me on Sunday with aching back and legs from Thursday’s and Friday’s 12 hours of standing in the heat, just to help my friend - but I was wrong. It was worse, as I recall, I guess it was one of the worst Sundays I had over at my parents-in-law’s house.

It was a crying day for children. Little one year old Weidong was having phelgmy cough and it irritated the little guy alot. He was either wailing away or throwing tantrums.

I went off to get my printer back from the repair shop for an hour, double-checked with my boys before I left, to see if they wanted to come along, they rejected without hesitation; but when I came back, Binbin was going crazy, uncontrollably knocking his small body all over the place, ya, the werewolf which we were once so familiar with came alive again, it took a slap on his leg from Allan (after 45mins of coaxing didn’t work) before he was even willing to talk.

Then the ultimate came when my 2nd niece, ZengYee insisted that my eldest niece, ChengHan stole her magnifying-glass box.

My MIL who is more like a mother to ZengYee than a grandma, scolded the crying ZengYee for being a proud girl, always wanting to show others what she has. My MIL repeatedly said, “If you didn’t show it to ‘others’, how would they have chance to take it from you?”

“Hey! That’s not right!” was screaming out of my heavy head, but never came out of my mouth. By saying that sentence, ain’t you (my MIL) indirectly saying that ChengHan did steal?!

(A little background story - ZengYee has always been under the care of my MIL. She hated her own parents mainly due to the way MIL treats my eldest sis-in-law, ZengYee’s mommy. Yes, its a very sad fact. Kids learn fast. They are sensitive creatures. And when her care-giver hates something or somebody, she follows like an obedient dog. That’s why ZengYee is more like a daughter to my MIL than her grandchild)

That sentence did not only poke into me like durian spikes, it stabbed straight into my 2nd sis-in-law’s heart, ChengHan’s Mommy. She stood up and started to pour out everything inside ChengHan’s bag. She even emptied her own bag to prove ChengHan’s innocence right before the very eyes of ZengYee.

“See! There is NOTHING like the magnifying-glass box in any of HanHan’s bag or mine! So Jiejie (big sis) did NOT steal your thing!” screamed my 2nd sis-in-law.

Then she continued her search in the entire house, looking for something that she haven’t even seen it herself - the magnifying-glass box. No one knew how it looked like. Even ChengHan hasn’t seen the box before.

My MIL knew my 2nd sis-in-law was pissed and quickly remarked, “Aiya, don’t need to look for it already. I must have swept it away and threw it into the dustbin. Don’t need to care about her (ZengYee), it must have been swept away by me yesterday lah.”

But that was not comforting to 2nd sis-in-law at all. She feels that MIL was just covering up (she told me during the 1hour chat over the phone yesterday) She was determined to find the box! She was determined to prove that ZengYee was lying. She wants to stop ZengYee from maligning ChengHan once and for all. Yes, ZengYee did put blame on ChengHan several times before, but the word ‘STEAL‘ has never appeared and that word is Serious! A word that should never be said without prove.

I told ZengYee to show me the magnifying glass, so that I know at least how big the box is. The thing about ZengYee is, when she starts to cry, she doesn’t talk or rather, she could NOT speak properly when she is half choking at her own tears, so nothing could be understood, hence there was no way to ask for a description of the box.

Then I saw something reflected the sunlight. It was a translucent rectangular box which looks like a perfect fit for the small magnifying glass, smaller than my palm. It was lying there motionless, hearing all the commotion, watching quietly at the chaos that was going around, right below Weidong’s Sarong bed.

I semi-ran over and picked it up. Shove it infront of the still-crying ZengYee, “Is this the box?!” She nodded without a word or a smile, took it from my hand and kept it in her bag.

“Aiya, you didn’t keep properly. It was not JieJie who steal it lah. (OMG! She actually did believe that ChengHan steal it!?) Quick! Go say sorry to Jiejie.” But ZengYee never did say sorry till 3 hours later, just before ChengHan left, in a most unwilling tone.

Oh my! I’ve loved ZengYee like my own ever since she was born. And Yes, I’m ranked number 2 in her heart (she told me herself). But she has changed ALOT ever since she started Primary 1. She has become very petty, uncooperative, more stubborn than before and worse, she starts to tell lies and put blame on others for her own negligence.

I used to be the only one who could open the door into her heart, because my MIL is either scolding or hitting, but now, she has even shut herself from me. I’m worried for her emotional growth. I’m concerned about her mental well-being. But till she opens up again…only then I can help her…

Now my 2nd sis-in-law has given up on her. She told ChengHan that she should never touch ZengYee’s things and if ZengYee refused to play with her, just don’t play with her. That shouldn’t be the way cousins should treat each other, isn’t it? Furthermore, it’s only once a week.

I understand that 2nd sis-in-law is just trying to protect her own child, but….there are other ways to solve this problem…there are…but her mind and heart is locked towards ZengYee.

It’s going to be ugly, awkward and really uncomfortable for future Sunday Family Day….and THIS coming Sunday is my Father-in-law’s ‘Lunar’ Birthday…..*sigh*

I was curious yesterday to know how you guys feel about bringing kids for hospital visits….Totally agree on the germs and virus part…today there was a new ‘neighbour’ beside my FIL, he had tuberculosis before and it seems that he is back to the hospital to check if the illness came back to re-visit him again.

When I heard that from my FIL, I was shocked. Tuberculosis is a highly variable communicable disease, how could the hospital allow him to stay in such ‘normal’ wards?! Anyhow, the moment we knew about this, my eldest BIL and SIL brought all the kids down to get some tibits, and kept them entertained with the nibbles for as long as they could.

I’m really unhappy with the ‘way’ this hospital handled certain things, especially towards my FIL. He can eat solids on his own without vomiting or getting choked, but they still put drips on him, causing him to have terrible water retention. His hands are like boxing gloves and legs are like baby elephants. Over the last 8 days in hospital, he has gained 10kg!!! - ALL WATER, as he hardly get to eat solid food till yesterday afternoon.

My frustrated MIL requested to get the drip off my FIL but was rejected. Their reasons were: “we still need to give him the antibiotics every 6 hourly, and we could only get it into the body through the drips…”NOW THAT’S SOMETHING NEW to me (at least).

We were all concerned, so we stayed longer than usual, but the 6 kids were getting impatient at the lobby. So I (the usual kids’ nanny for every Sunday’s family gathering at my parents-in-law house) went down and played quiet games with them, while the others continued to stay with my FIL.

We played the guess-which-finger-tapped-on-head game, count the number of cars passed by the drop-off point, count how many people wore a-particular-coloured top (this kept them entertained the longest, ‘cos all I need to do is just change the colour), count how many people carry a basket of flowers get into the lift and the usual scissors-paper-stone.

Of cos’ the un-unison toilet visits helped to kill much time off too. Before long, the adults were down and ready to leave. Keeping kids entertained is easy, but keeping kids entertained with their voices down is tough, when they are such easily-excitable-creatures….

What do you do to keep the kids’ volume down but at the same time making sure they are not bored? One rule to this question - no electronic hand-held games please….

So I guess, I’ll not be bringing my boys there till my FIL’s ‘new neighbour’ is discharged or relocated.

(Thank you all of your concerns, well-wishes and prayers, especially imbeingheldhostage, thank you for keeping my FIL in your prayers still)