Whose Side are You on?
Child, Parenting March 11th, 2009For those who had been following this blog for more than a year would know that my MIL and my eldest SIL have been having issues since the day she joined the Loh Family. Both are staying under the same roof.
MIL is a woman with a very strong character. One who does not admit defeat. One who does not seek help from others, ‘cos to her, its a sign of weakness. One who does not throw in the white towel till she couldn’t stand on her feet (literally).
3 years ago, MIL was taking care of 4 very young kids, all below the age of 5. My SIL’s 2 girls and my 2 boys. Because of her character, she refused to say that she is too tired and landed up with a stroke for the 3rd time.
It was around the same time, eldest SIL was pregnant with her 3rd Child, MIL knew that she can’t be stubborn anymore, she had to admit that she is too exhausted. She must surrender.
Yet, MIL’s favoritism towards boys is so extreme, she suggested SIL to quit her job in order to take care of her 2 girls, while MIL take care of my boys. Of cos, it was never agreed by my eldest BIL and his wife.
That’s how I became a stay at home mom.
Over the past 1 year, MIL has been requesting SIL to quit her job, be a stay at home mom too. For someone who is so strong willed to bow down her head and say that sentence was a jaw-dropper for all of us who knew her too well. MIL knows herself, she knows with her old age and with her deteriorating health, she could not hold on for long.
But b’cos of the 2 woman’s grudges against each other, SIL refused to quit to stay at home. Yet SIL had no choice now, ‘cos she was retrenched last week.
MIL was hopping with joy. Called me on Friday and said how happy she was that SIL was retrenched; that she can finally get to rest and have more time for herself.
Yet last Sunday, MIL complained to me that she is upset when BIL insisted that SIL MUST find a job after my FIL have recovered from the scheduled operation in April.
MIL could not understand and could not accept that her own son take her weak health so lightly. It was so hard for her to admit that she NEEDED a break, yet when she finally pulled down her pride, she is still not given the benefit.
BIL explained that his support-engineer salary alone could not support the family of 7. But somehow, MIL choose not to believe. She even suggested that SIL could continue to run the card printing business (their sideline) from home. MIL really wants to take a break from the kids.
BIL suggested to put the kids in a full-day child care centre, but MIL said “NO“. She had heard too many negative reports on child care centres. She DOES NOT TRUST OUTSIDERS!
BIL is very much like his mother, once he has decided on something, he sticks to his decision. So now, both are upset.
Whose Side are You On?
March 12th, 2009 at 4:45 am
There’s no right or wrong with family, just a whole lot of trouble. It’s hard too, when family needs each other. When we depend on each other and yet come to the table with different ideas and perspectives, well, that’s when Sunday’s are interesting, right?
March 12th, 2009 at 5:01 am
It’s tough when both family members are being stubborn. I don’t think your MIL has the right to make your SIL become a stay-at-home mom. If they can’t afford it, they can’t. But ultimately it’s the parents’ decision of what to do for child care. If it were me, I’d put my kids in day care so as not to endanger her health–but maybe that would be war in the family!
March 12th, 2009 at 9:12 am
in this time of recession around the globe, must think of how to support a family of 7. if your BIL feels that he cannot support based on his salary alone, it could be best that your SIL find a job to supplement.
lings last blog post..Our Home-Cooked Meal #8
March 12th, 2009 at 10:00 am
I think that your SIL and your BIL are in charge of their own children and should not rely on an ailing MIL.
March 12th, 2009 at 11:04 am
perhaps it’s the time to hire a live-in maid and everyone lives happily ever after?
March 12th, 2009 at 11:27 am
hi there, happens to drop by and say hi! btw, do u stay ard Yishun?
March 12th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Both sides also have their point….but no joke when older people get weak….got problem will be worse.
What about the other side of the family?
March 12th, 2009 at 11:45 am
childcare is the obvious solution!! pardon me, if she doesnt trust childcare, she would need to bite the bullet and take care of the 2 young kids. otherwise, if your SIL and BIL think that childcare is the solution of (1) allowing SIL to go to work (2)MIL have a break, i see no reason why she shd impose her will on others. that is unacceptable to me.
angies last blog post..Bento #72, #73
March 12th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Angie,
its 3 kids now.
3 years ago was 2 kids.
*sigh* actually very sad to say lah…. but the one who is complaining is also the same person who is creating the problem.
she complains that she is too tired.
yet when they suggested the child care, she refused.
that’s her!
she only accept her own suggestions, no other suggestions is consider good. *eyes rolled*
March 12th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Ann,
my SIL is a Malaysian,
so the other side of the family is in Malaysia…*sigh*
March 12th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
AndrewJune,
Aiyo!!!!
The suggestion of having a maid created an even bigger hoo-haa!!!!
She thinks that the maid will have too easy a life, cos’ the maid will only be taking care of kids.
My MIL do not trust anyone except herself, in terms of cleaning the house or cooking for the family.
In fact, MIL thinks that she will be taking care of the maid!!!
cos’ need to cook for her, wash her clothes… blah blah blah…
she even have such imaginations that the maid will steal money or torture the kids when she is bathing!!! *faint*
She is the one shouting “I’m tired”, yet she is the one who do not feel good allocating duties to other family members or anyone for that matter. *eyes rolled*
March 12th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
levine,
no girl, I don’t.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
what a complicate problem. Why don’t put your SIL’s children just in daycare. In here we have a daycare to put our children if necessary. But yeah, must pay. But at least it will help solve the problem, maybe. I believe ur MIL is tired now.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
this is always in the dilemma, i think they should communicate well
March 13th, 2009 at 2:32 am
I run away from sides… all that negative energy :-(
March 13th, 2009 at 3:03 am
hmmm…based on your replies, maybe she just need some attention!
4malmals last blog post..Staying True to First Principles
March 13th, 2009 at 5:07 am
Could your BIL pay you to take care of the girls, thus keeping it in the family but you could earn some cash too ?
March 13th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Ksm287,
guess what?
he ever consider ‘hiring’ me as a tutor for his 3 kids because the kids are attached to me…
yet my MIL say he is NUTS!
we are one family,
we shouldn’t be paying each other!!! *hmmm…..*
March 13th, 2009 at 8:35 am
4malmal,
Ya Babe!
Right on Bull’s Eye!!!!
That’s my MIL!!!
March 13th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Thats tough. I think they have to choice but to send for childcare and to explain it to her the best they can.
mumsgathers last blog post..Steamed Yin and Yang Cake
March 14th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
i think its very inconsiderate of your BIL and SIL. They should not treat your MIL this way. if they wanna have babies, they should be prepared to look after them and not dump the kids to the poor old lady. Moreover, your MIL already told them that she is tired.
Blessed moms last blog post..Baby @ Week 31
March 20th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Well I think it is awful to force someone to keep your kids if she is past the point of being able. I think your BIL should respect your MILs desire for rest but I think your MIL should respect your BILs decision for daycare if that is his choice. It would be nice if there were some middle ground. Hope it works out!