Do You Want Your Child to be Truthful?
Parenting June 2nd, 2012It seemed like an obvious question.
However, I noticed that many parents cannot handle the truth said by their children.
Parent’s ego gets in the way and started defending themselves when their children could point out their flaws.
Parents start apologising to strangers when their kids point at them and said something unpleasant BUT TRUE!
“Don’t say that!” snapped the parent.
Let me give you a real life incident:
The four of us were waiting for the lift together with another family of four. We had two boys each. The mother and I started giggling and exchanging friendly glances when we noticed that her two boys and my two boys were playing the same ‘chopsticks’ game.
[Lift came]
In the lift, we started a conversation:
The mother: “Are they twins?”
Me: “No. (pointing at Keatkeat) He is in Primary 3 and the other, Primary 1.”
Immediately her elder child, who was in Primary 4 asked, “Why is the elder brother not taller than the younger brother?”
The mother: “Hey boy, don’t say that. Very rude.”
I looked at her and said: “Kids always tell the truth and there’s nothing wrong with that. No worries. Anyway, he (aka Keatkeat) is used to such comments already.”
The parents looked at me with _______ expression. I do not know how to describe that look. A mixture of disbelief, resentment and disapproval. Followed by awkward silence. When they reached their level, a small grin between the mother and I was exchanged before they walked out of the lift.
To me, it confuses the child. You want them to tell you the truth, yet when they say the truth, you reprimanded them and say they are rude and should not say it.
Why is truth = rude?
Regardless if its children or adults, truth = truth. If you do not like to hear the truth, just because it is not pleasing to your ears, it still does NOT = rude.
Children live in a very simple world. Yes means yes and no means no.
Very often, a young child’s complicated behaviour is due to the parents’ conflicting parenting styles, rules and belief system.
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Today, my niece commented on one of my photo posted on Facebook. It was a photo of me and my friend, whom she does NOT know.
She remarked: “y u all two so ugly.”
I laughed it off by replying: “because you so pretty lor! *laugh*”
She is in the stage of finding a voice for herself.
At the same time, it is also a stage whereby she would purposely say things that are alarming enough to get attention.
I was NOT offended by her remark, however this short comment of hers sparked a lot of questions from my Facebook contacts.
“Who is this girl?”
“Why is she so rude?”
“Does she know your friend?”
“If she does not know your friend, how can she say such rude remarks?”
“Must educate her cannot say other people ah.”
My respond was the same to these 5 caring people.
“I LOVE kids, becos they are what they are.
no fake, no act.
say what’s in their heart/mind.
which is why I laughed it off in my reply comment to her.
I do not want to educate her, becos it will backfire. she is NOT in that age yet to understand what is streetsmart.
i want the truth to continue to flow.
which is why i am feeling ok about it.
just shocked and worried that she might mess with the wrong person the next time (if there IS a next time though).
she has to learn that way….especially knowing her character…
*wink*”
To me, everyone has the right to comment anything they want. If you like to hear nice things only, then the ‘cruel’ social media may not be a place for you.
Terrible comments had been received in my blog before too.
Did I remove them? No!
Did I scold them? No!
Is it even worth to start an argument? No!
Everyone has their own opinions.
When yours is not inline with mine, does that make you right and make me wrong, and vice versa?
No.
It is just a difference in opinion.
I understand the 5 caring people are worried that she may mess with the wrong person in future. Indeed, my niece is very lucky to say those words to me and THIS friend of mine, who has one of the BIGGEST HEART I have ever seen in my life so far. So she is NOT offended either.
I can foresee that if my niece had said that comment to ladies who are sensitive to their outlooks, nasty words might had flew at my niece already.
I do not like to be an overly protective parent, neither will I be an overly protective aunt.
Some things just need to be learned the hard way, before it can go INTO THE CHILD’S HEAD.
*smile*
June 8th, 2012 at 11:03 am
Hi, there is a thin line between being rude and being truthful…To each his own…..Even though you have tried to be neutral about the whole thing…there is a slight element of judging other parents….just my view….truthful not rude !
June 11th, 2012 at 5:09 pm
I don’t know but i just feel that this is an incorrect way to teach kids. Don’t you think that it’s better to teach your kids to comment in a more constructive manner? And if they’ve nothing to say, it’s better not to say anything at all? it’s these kind of kids that will turn into adults who just goes around making obnoxious, rude remarks and thinks that this is acceptable behavior.
If someone is rude to you, are you just going to brush it off and say “oh they’re just being truthful”? I will call it NO MANNERS.
June 14th, 2012 at 12:59 am
Yen,
its perfectly ok that our parenting methods are different.
I’m replying you because you asked a question before you end off your comment.
There is a very thin line between rude and truthful.
I think this human is pretty but you think its ugly. We are both right, because we have different views.
My niece thinks that my friend and I were both ugly in that photo, its her view.
To her, that’s from HER heart. Anything from the heart is true.
When people tells me something straight in the face about something they view negatively of me.
To me, its their view. Perfectly fine.
I do not need to win them over or start to ‘make’ them see the good side of me.
Its is TOTALLY Unnecessary.
Because we are all different. Which makes the world NOT boring.
But to me, rude is often in the unspoken words.
Its the action.
For example, yesterday I was in Batam. I was standing infront of a mirror and basin in the public toilet, combing my hair.
The lady who was using the basin beside mine, after washing her hands, stepped over, squeeze between the basin and my body and stood infront of me and started touching up her makeup using the mirror which I was using.
There was nothing wrong with the mirror nor the basin she was using initially, but she just choose to block my view for no reason. Well, no words were spoken, I just walked out of the toilet.
I call that action rude.