All About Your Child

Ever had problems getting your kids to keep their toys? I used to think that to get children to keep their toys after play is as hard as asking them to climb up a ladder hands-free.

My mindset was completely changed after working at the child care centre. It is a matter of making it into a habit, a routine, a die-die-must-do task. The key of the game – never do it like a chore.

Tip 1: Get 1 or 2 big storage boxes or containers just for their toys. When the toys can no longer stay in the box, even after trying their balancing skills in plying them up above the edge of the box, its time to throw.

Make it a practice to throw away toys that they hardly play with just before their birthdays. All parents know how easily toys pile up after each birthday celebration.

Be careful when it comes to throwing toys away. Never ever throw away a toy the child insists on keeping. Always ask, “Shall we throw this away?” Some may say, “Children want to keep All their toys.” That is not true.

Once the guideline is set and the children understand the reason for throwing some toys away; they willingly pick out toys they are not interested in playing with anymore. When there are fewer toys around to keep, it looks less tedious to the kids.

Tip 2: Get them to sing the Barney Clean Up Song. This less than 10 seconds song somehow has a magical touch. The more times the children sing, the faster their hands move. Who knows? Maybe this 20 year old Purple Dinosaur (just got to know that Barney is celebrating its 20th anniversary this year) does create songs that stimulate the kids’ mind.

Tip 3: Do the countdown. This is best when you need them to speed up and when the mess spreads across the ENTIRE HOUSE! Usually a 10-count should do the job, but if there are small pieces like jigsaw puzzles and Lego, then (to be fair) give a 20 or even a 30-count.

Tip 4: Never help your children. Always guide them, “Ok, after you have kept the cars, pick up the race-tracks.” Helping your kids will either cause them to slacken and/or create a mindset of “Mommy will keep it herself or for me, anyway.”

Tip 5: Never say, “I’ll come back and check on you.” Though not helping with your hands, it is important that you sit through the whole process with them. To the kids, they are doing it because you told them to and simply because they love you. So if you disappear to do your laundry or read the newspapers, they would feel that their effort is not appreciated.

Keeping toys by themselves, indirectly teaches them a very important virtue – responsibility. You play, you keep. You mess up, you clean up. Being accountable for your actions is one very valuable lesson.

Tip 6: Be generous with your compliments.

When your kids do what was instructed, say “Good Boy or Girl!”

When they choose to use both hands to pick up more than just 1 toy at a time, praise them, “That’s clever, you pick up so many toys at a time.”

When you can tell that they are feeling the strain or not motivated, encourage them, “You are doing very well.”

When they start to throw a tantrum in the middle of it, encourage them, “You are doing great, I am so proud of you, it is almost done. Just a few more pieces over here.”

Try not to keep saying the same words like, “Good boy or girl” throughout the whole process. Kids like to hear new stuff, so be creative with your compliments.

Tip 7 When the children have completed the whole process, praise them “Good Job. Look at the whole place now, it is so clean and neat. You kept them so fast. Now everyone can walk around without the fear of stepping on the toys, damaging them and hurting their feet. I am so proud of you.”

It is very important to point to the kids the significant difference before and after. Keywords like ‘clean’, ‘neat’ and ‘fast’ will stay in the children’s brain as the basic criteria they should maintain for the next round.

It is also a must to let your children know that what they did, do not only pleases you alone, it makes everyone else happy. This trains their mind to think of others in their actions.

Toys being the main part of their daily enjoyment, by saying the above sentence, you make known to them that their favourite toy is in danger of getting ‘hurt’ too, if the toy is left lying around. They would want to ‘protect’ their toys from harm and hence remember to keep them after play.

Tip 8: When all the toys are kept, always say, “I am so proud of you.” It is often good to give a small reward. Be it a hug, a kiss, a tiny M&M chocolate, a drink that they like or whatever that pleases the little ones. Rule of the thumb – never promise to give the reward before the task is assigned. This will give them the wrong motivational factor.

Tip 9: Never request your children to do it when they are in a bad mood, feeling tired or are in the mist of throwing a tantrum. You think they will cooperate? Not a chance!

Tip 10: Make if fun. Find a big cardboard. You can help by holding the cardboard and tilting it to create a slide where the landing area is the toy box. Now your kids can put all the toys which they picked up from the floor and slide them down into the toy box. Now it has became a game and they will love it!

Tip 11: As for the next playtime, suggest that your kids keep whatever they are playing at that moment first, before they bring out another toy from the toy box. This is not a must because such rule limits the children’s creativity in playing in a different way by combining different toys together.

To sum up the pointers, get your children to keep their toys at a time when they are in a relax mood, stick through it with them with lots of praises and make them feel their effort is worthwhile by giving a reward at the end.

Different people uses different ways to make their children keep their toys. The question is are they willing to do it? My MIL uses the cane and lots of other threats to get the toys off the floor. What’s your method?

I noticed that there is a great change in parents’ attitude towards their child when their child starts schooling.

I have seen so many parents from a playmate to the child changed into a disciplinary master. Rather, even before they put on their school uniform for the first time, the child has probably noticed a big change in their parents’ behaviour.

Its no longer,”yes, child, what do you want? what would you like? would you like to do this or that?”

It has become,”child, sit here…. do this…. do that….. hold the pencil the right way….. why are you eating with your left hand….sit up right….why is your line crooked…draw a straight line….don’t colour outside the picture….and the complain list goes on….” And these complaints were voiced out either at the top of the parents’ voice or in a scolding manner. Do you really need to raise your voice?

Every-time I see such a scene, one big question (to the parents) always comes to my mind :‘Were you that perfect when you were at that age?’

Children learn as they grow, their skills improve as time passes, practice makes perfect, right? So what’s the hurry? Why do these parents expect their child to do the perfect stroke the very first time they write their first number or first alphabet? Or expect the child to get a score of 95/100 for every examination paper. To me, its ridiculous.

After so many years, and now that I am a parent of 2 myself, I finally understand why parents pressurize their kids so much when they are about to start school. The list below is true and scary to me, I often remind myself never to fall into the trap:

Parents do not want their child to appear more stupid than other children in class. Parents do not want their child to feel inferior in class. Parents wants to be proud of their child, so the child must be the best in class. Parents worry that their child may not be promoted to the next level. Finally, parents want to hear praises (not on the child) about them, how well they have trained their child.

Your child will never appear stupid in-front of anyone, unless you feel he is stupid. Your child will not feel inferior unless someone did a comparison, are you the one that is actually making him feel inferior because you compared him with someone else? How you feel about him matters more than anyone in the world.

Your child should always be the pride of your life, for the simple reason, he is your child; not because he did well in school or came in first in any competition. What about children who are born handicap? Their parents still feel proud of them. Just because they are their kids.

If your child’s limit has reached and he still fails to be promoted to the next level, there is nothing you can do. Academic results are not everything. There are alot of successful people or even millionaires who were once a school drop-out. Academic results do not equal to success in life. Train your child to have a mind to succeed in life not just on papers.

All the above expectations on their child is a result of the parents’ pride, their own pride. Seriously, there are so many parents out there who have unfulfilled wishes and they want their child to fulfill their wishes for them with unrealistic expectations on the poor child. Its a sad truth and its still happening.

Dear parents….‘Patience’ is the word. Some kids learn faster, some kids just happens to be slower. Even a rubber-band has its limits. Overstretch it and it snaps. Its the same for children. When that happens, its really difficult to get the child to love school work or even feel like going to school again. Do you know when to release your grip? Give the child some space to breathe.

So often we read in the newspapers, children at a young age, committed suicide just because they received their examination result slip and the results were not as good as the target set by the parents. Imagining that they will be scolded or beaten up, their little minds just decided to give up their precious life.

We do best in whatever we love to do. If the parents do not cultivate a love for school or a love to learn in their child, the child will just do the needed-to-do homework without absorbing it. Hence when it comes to the examination period, he will not do as well as he should have because the love for it is not there; when there is no love, there is no memory.

After teaching so many children in my life, be it during the days in the child care centre or personal tutoring, everything goes back to the basic : “How much do you understand the child? What is his learning capability? What will make him want to learn more? What is his limit?”

Your child is perfect, when he is perfect in your heart. Do you really understand your child well enough?