All About Your Child

Today’s Family Gathering was a roller coaster ride, with the kids of course, I’m their Sunday nanny remember?

When I reached there, Zeng Yee and her younger sis Mun Yee were in the Study Room playing with PC games, completely ignoring the mess on the floor. You see, my 1st BIL is in the cards-printing business, so the study room is like a storeroom cum office. Millions of cards, be it in boxes or loose pieces, are on the shelves, the tables and the floors stacked up real high…

Me: “What Happened?! Why are all the cards (loose pieces) scattered all over the place? I could hardly step in…”

Both girls: “It was Weidong (their 1year old brother)! He pushed the whole stack of cards on the floor.”

Then I went for my lunch, right after which, my MIL demanded that the 2 girls switched off the PC by shouting from the kitchen, her usual practice, which is right at the other end of the house, so she wasn’t aware of the mess.

Then my eldest niece, Cheng Han arrived with his dad alone (my SIL didn’t come today), around the time when lunch was almost over.

We were playing ‘school’, I’m the student of cos, Cheng Han and Zeng Yee took turns to be the teacher. Just when everyone was happy, my MIL SAW the mess in the room and went mad!

MIL: “Zeng Yee! Mun Yee! Go and clear up the mess right NOW!”

My helpful eldest niece, Cheng Han went into the room and in less than 2 seconds, the complain queen, Man Yee came out crying. Went straight to my MIL and said, “Jiejie (sister) don’t let me keep…boo hoo hooo…”

Next moment, the 7year old and 8year old came out and shouted, “Mama (granny) its done!”

MIL: “So fast?! I don’t believe. I’ll go check later.”

Mun Yee was completely upset with my MIL’s response (the little 4year old wanted my MIL to scold her sis), ran into the bedroom and cried even louder. As seconds passed, the sound of the crying increased in volume, it went louder and louder and louder, its her usual style of getting attention.

We couldn’t be bothered, so we went back to our little pretend game. While we were pretending to go for a school trip, everyone was getting in line with all our bags on our back,  my MIL semi-ran-walk out of the kitchen to the living room, grabbed Zeng Yee’s hair, pulled her (backwards) by the hair as she reached for the cane and the moment she got hold of that long stick made from bamboo, she whacked Zeng Yee hard on the butt.

Without saying anything, MIL brisk-walked into the bedroom and all we heard were several whipping sound and the yelling Mun Yee.

MIL: “You wan to cry is it? I will let you cry even louder!” as she caned the 4 year old Mun Yee.

I knew my MIL is in the unstable emotional state AGAIN. Actually it happens ALMOST every sunday. So I signalled my boys and my eldest niece, Cheng Han to the sofa and we squeezed together as we see the angry old lady came out from the room, shouting at Zeng Yee, who is already crying loudly as she stroke her painful butt.

MIL: “I told the 2 of you to clear the mess, why didn’t you allow meimei (younger sis) to clear the mess?!”

Zeng Yee: “Its NOT ME!!! Its Jiejie (pointing at my eldest niece). Meimei told you that “Jiejie don’t allow her to keep”, there are 2 jiejie(s), why did you insist that it is ME!? You didn’t even ASK AND YOU HIT ME!”

(MIL is someone who REFUSE to lose in any argument and will never ADMIT that she is the wrong in front of others, but when it comes to 1-to-1, sometimes she does say things like, “I didn’t know…so you can’t blame me…”)

MIL (though knowing she hit Zeng Yee for the wrong reason, she finds other excuses for beating her): “You messed up the whole room, of cos’ I’ve got to beat you! 7year old already and yet still not sensible!”

Zeng Yee: “Its NOT ME!!!! It was WEIDONG!”

You can see the sorry look on my MIL’s face but being a proud person, she just refused to say she is in the wrong.

MIL: “But you and Mun Yee were in the room the whole morning playing computer. Of cos’ the mess is done by the 2 of you…..Errr…I didn’t even see Weidong go into the room…”

Zeng Yee: “Of cos’ you didn’t see!!!! You are in the KItchen all morning! How would you know!!!?”

MIL: “How dare you talk back?! No respect for me! So rude! How can you talk to me in this manner?! Where’s your manners? You want me to beat you more, is that it?”

Zeng Yee: “You are always like that. Never ask and always assume that its me!”

MIL: “Damn You! Still have no regards for me as your elderly is it?! Need more canning to wake you up right?”

See? That’s my MIL…when she got nothing else to say, she will say ridiculous stuff like these…

I used to speak up for my little Zeng Yee, I’ve mentioned before that she is more like a daughter to me than a niece. ‘Cos we are just sooooo close! Zeng Yee dislike her parents and the granny (my MIL) who brought her up is like ‘that‘, so she turns to me for almost all ‘inside‘ problems.

But I no longer step into such situations anymore, because my MIL will scold me for nothing. Remember NO ONE is allowed to bring her pride down and tell her that she is in the wrong….

So I asked Cheng Han, “Is it true that you didn’t allow Mun Yee to keep the cards on the floor?”

Cheng Han: “No. I went in and help to keep the cards. But Mun Yee was unhappy that I kept that section of the mess WHICH SHE INTENDED to keep. Then she just ran out and cry.”

Somehow I expected this. Mun Yee is someone who always put the blame on others and she is always the first one to complain about anything under the sun, yet most of the daily troubles in the family were started by her.

Anyway, hours later, when Allan arrived after his appointment with his client, we were all back to the happy mood again.

I told Allan what happened. He said, “Cheng Han and Mun Yee were at fault.”

He turned his face to the ‘helpful one’ and the ‘complain queen’, “You (Cheng Han), why must you be a busybody? Being helpful is good when your help is needed. But when you aren’t needed, this is what happens….. And YOU (Mun Yee), you think by crying, Zeng Yee Jiejie will be beaten, but in the end what happened? You get beaten too! So what’s the point of crying. Crying only cause yourself pain. And every time you cry, Jiejie is always the one taking the pain from the cane. You are very happy is it?”

Mun Yee: “Jiejie is not a good girl. She always make me cry….”

Zeng Yee: “I don’t like you. I hate you. Go away….don’t take my colour pencils and my stickers and…”

Mun Yee: “Then you don’t play with my small piano and my blah blah blah…..”

That’s how my MIL manages the 3 kids Zeng Yee (7), Mun Yee (4) and Wei Dong (1) EVERY SINGLE DAY in that 4 walls…..though her 3 sons often tell her that her ‘grand-parenting’ style is wrong, she would reply, “That’s how I brought up the 3 of you and did the 3 of you ‘turned bad’? No! So, there is NOTHING wrong with what I’m doing now….”

Tough nut, yes?

Binbin didn’t sleep till 1am last night. Nope, no tantrums, nothing out of the ordinary. He was just too excited and happy yesterday because everything went smoothly for him the whole day, that was the caused of his insomia.

He did so well for his very first attempt on ‘Bowling Buddies’ on my Facebook, got a couple of spares. His face was glowing with pride as he slowly fell asleep. Come to think of it, my Facebook games are played by everyone else except me, the owner of the account…Allan loved the games and was so addicted to it, which got the kids involved in it too and now Keatkeat is so good in the ‘Bowling Buddies’ that my sis opened a Facebook account just for him a few months ago….

When Binbin was truly in dreamland, my tummy was growling so loud I couldn’t ignore. So I got up, wanted to eat some Cheese Rings to shut my tummy up, but it went on with its protest till I had my bowl of instant noodles.

So Allan and I watched one of his favourite show ‘Dirty Jobs’ on Discovery Channel as I gobbled down that bowl of hot noodle soup. When that was done, I was too full to sleep (I do have a problem, don’t I…hmmmm…).

We kept switching channels till we saw a (repeat telecast) local Mandarin comedy variety program called ‘Conscience Found’ (in English).

The topic was on parenting. They acted out how parents through common practises slowly but surely spoiled their child, unknowingly. When they finally realised it, it was too late to turn back the clock…the show ended with this sentence…

(translated in English)
Kids are adorable,
but there are moments when they could be a pain in the ass too.
If we are too lenient towards them,
the consequence may turn out to be lamentable.

What are your thoughts about the above? I’m on the brink of breaking my angel-like patience with my 4-year-old Keatkeat already. Yes, I’ve mentioned before the characteristics of a 4-year-old. I thought I was prepared for it. Afterall, I’ve taught 4-years-old before and that was a whole bunch of them when I was in Child Care.

But then I realised that IT WAS DIFFERENT when it comes to your own kids, its just NOT THE SAME….you witness the change from a little angel to a little ‘devil’, someone who used to listen and goes with your whims and fancies has changed into someone who is all out to irritate you and when your confront him:

Me: “Keatkeat, why did you do this?”

Keatkeat: *Shrugged his shoulders*

Me: “Do you know by doing this, you will irritate me?”

Keatkeat: “Yes.”

Me: “Then why did you still do it?!”

Keatkeat: *Giggled* “I don’t know.”

Me: “You think it’s funny to this or it’s funny to irritate me?”

Keatkeat: *Giggled more*

(Then the man of the house would step in)

Allan: “Don’t need to talk to him, he never learns, let him feel physical pain, that’s how he will learn.”

Me: “Keatkeat, I don’t like to scold you and I don’t want to beat you like Papa, can you please (beggingly) stop all these nonsense?”

Keatkeat: “Sorry Mommy.”

Just when you have forgotten about the issue, he did it again in another way!!!! *Urgghhhhh* Then before I can open my mouth, Allan whacked him….you think that solved the problem? NO!!!!! ‘cos when the pain on the skin is long gone, Keatkeat is up to his mischief AGAIN! That’s how difficult a 4-year-old can be!!!!

So to me, those words of advice I saw at the end of the programme set me thinking….its not only about your parenting style its about changing your parenting style to suit the changing development stages of your child as he goes through self-exploration and changes in his personality before he is moulded and ‘take-shape’ permanently as a grown-up – that’s the challenging part!