All About Your Child

How in the world would the child know how to behave, if he was never taught. ~ F.W.L.

I was in the retail line selling handmade accessories for about 6 years. I was always moving around from one pushcart, some of you may know it better as trolley carts, to another all the time.

As usual I was at my stall rearranging my display…suddenly a small hand pop up beside me, snatched a charm bracelet and started playing with it. He was happily swinging it in the air as if he was a cowboy. Oooops! He lost grip, the bracelet flew and hit a passerby.

The mummy was right beside me, busy choosing earrings for herself. She saw her son’s action from beginning till the end and all she did was kept chanting, “Ah boy, stop playing with auntie’s (refering to me) things”, over and over again.

The mummy’s reaction towards the son’s behaviour was really unbelievable! When my bracelet hit the man, who happened to be his unlucky day, the mummy didn’t even say sorry! She just said plainly, “See…. You hit someone already… go pick up the bracelet and bring it back…”

I was in total shock! In my mind, I was thinking, how could you be soooooo oblivious to this type of behaviour! Its simply untolerable!

By the way, the boy did not pick it up, he just ran to look for his dad, who was busy talking to someone else. I went over to pick up my ‘abused’ bracelet from the floor. The beads broke.

Guess what? When I looked up, the family was no where gone. Ahhhh…what a terrible upbringing mindset….

Pleasssseee! If your child ever do anything similar to what happened to me, please save the ‘whatever thing’ from the hands of the ‘playful one’, before you decide what you want to do to the child.

Essential things to consider during disciplining:

Right Timing
Discipline should be meted out straight away as it strengthens the effect. But is should not be done with anger

Be specific in pointing out the behaviour that is not acceptable
This will help your child to know what action is unacceptable and its consequences

Deal with the behaviour, not the child
Avoid comments that belittle, eg. ‘You are stupid’. Deal with the action without putting the child down.

Deal with the present
Do not constantly refer to your child’s past mistakes as it becomes a form of nagging and may impose guilt on him.

Seek to be reconciled with the child
After disciplining your child, take time to talk with him and let him know that he is loved despite the wrong he did

It is normal for children to misbehave at times. Witnessed this in Great World City, a shopping centre in Singapore on a typical weekend…

Great World City is generally a “quiet” shopping mall… the silence was broken abruptly when I heard a boy screaming at the top of his lungs, way before he appeared infront of me.

He was screaming sooooo loudly that I could hardly hear anything except “I WANT THAT…..”

When he came in sight, he slammed himself on the floor! Rolling and “swimming” on the floor with his hands and legs moving in an uncoordinated manner; as he kept his eyes on his mummy as she walks away from him.

The boy looked 4-5 years old. The dad and grandmother was right behind him.

The mum made her stand by saying “NO! I am not getting that for you!”

The dad was too concern with his pride, said “Carry him up, he is making a scene here, everyone is looking at us!”

The grandmother tried to coax the child and scold her daughter-in-law at almost at the same time, its actually quite comical to see how fast her tone changed from a pampering tone (to the boy) and then to a blaming tone (to the child’s mum) and then back again to the nice and sweet granny…. “Aiya….Just give him what he wants, don’t let him cry like that….”

After about 10mins of “show”, the father couldn’t stand the eyes of the onlookers, grabbed the child, lift him up, placed him over his wide shoulders and walked off towards the direction of the mummy, who is long gone out of sight. Awww….

We can see 3 different views of handling a child misbehaving in public…. if you were in such a situation? Your child is making a hell of noise, everyone is looking at you, your spouse and your in-law are shouting at you…. what would you have done?

Tips in Disciplining Your Child

Parents should try to agree between themselves when dealing with children – There should be some general agreement on family rules and the consequences if these rules are broken. If possible, you should discuss what you would do with your child before the situation arises.

Parents should avoid disagreeing regularly in the child’s presence – Frequent disputes will confuse your child and discipling actions become ineffective. Your child may also manipulate the disagreements to his advantage.

Parent should take control and manage their child – Some parents are afraid to control their child. This lack of control may give the child opportunities to manipulate them.

Rules for children should be clear – This will help your child to know what is expected. Consistent enforcement of these rules is also important, otherwise your child’s behaviour may become erratic. However, rules should be reviewed and modified periodically so that they are appropriate for you child’s growing needs.

Back to the basics….look back at Understanding your child’s development pattern. Understand your child, in order to know how to handle him/her more efficiently….its a skill, you need practice.