Do You Feel So About Your Child?

Parenting, quotes

I converse in Chinese more than English with Allan and among my close friends. However reading Chinese words takes alot out of me. Seriously, it really sucks out a good amount of energy from me. I am so thankful that I managed to pass my Chinese language every year during schooling time.

Yet, today, I made an EXTRA effort to finish reading this Chinese poem I saw on the Internet because it is really meaningful:

For my readers who do not read Chinese words, let me try to translate the above in English:

Told You but Don’t Listen
Listened yet Don’t Understand
Don’t Understand yet Don’t Ask
Asked already yet Don’t Do
Did already but Done Wrongly
Did Wrongly yet Don’t Admit
Admitted Mistake but Don’t Correct
Corrected yet Not Convinced
Unconvinced yet Don’t Voice Out

Do you feel so about your child sometimes?

Do you know that that is how our children feel about us sometimes too?

Parenting is a two way thing.
Are you behaving the way YOU want YOUR CHILD to behave in the first place?

How often does your child say: “Mummy/Daddy come! I want to show you this.”
And your answer is “Wait ah! Let me finish ‘this’ first.”

How often do you tell your child: “Ah boy/Ah girl, go bath now.”
And his/her is “Wait ah! Let me finish building this Lego aeroplane first or Let me finish watching this cartoon first.”

Can you see?
Its the SAME!

So the next time your child answers you in that way, ask yourself, did you respond to your child, in the same way too, when he/she wanted you to do something?

Do you like it?

If not, then its time to CHANGE YOUR HABITS, before you have the right to change your child’s habits.

Setting a GOOD ROLE MODEL for our children is not as easy as ABC, because we are humans and humans are GREAT at finding excuses.

Children are God’s gift to us, to make us a better Parent,…. a better Person.

Are you UP TO THE CHALLENGE?!?
*wink*

 

 

Do You Feel So About Your Child?

Copyright © 2007-2016 All About Your Child. The contents on this blog are the sole property of the author, Angeline Foong, and may not be used or reproduced in any manner without consent. All Rights Reserved. No Comments »

If I had only one child, I think I would be a better Mom…

Parenting

Will ANY PARENT dare touch the deepest spot in their heart and say they treat every child equally?
ZERO favouritism?
REALLY???!!!

Well, when I was pregnant with my second one, I told myself that I should never treat one child better than the other because I had already seen myself displaying favouritism even BEFORE I became a mother myself.

As a part-time teacher in a child care centre many years ago, I hopped from one class to another whenever, or rather wherever a teacher took an emergency leave; and when every teacher is healthy and well, I am permanently in the class of 5-6 years old.

Out of 20+ kids, I am nicer to some and they are usually the obedient ones, and my patience usually runs out faster for the uncooperative group. In short, I do show favouritism.

However, after being there for 3 years, I must admit that it was the naughty, loud-spoken and always getting punishment from the full-time teachers type of students, whom I missed the most.

Now that I had been a mother to two for 7 years+, I saw my ugly self surfacing again.

I am tired of scolding my elder one, yet, there is hardly a time he can give me a peace of mind. Whenever he makes me angry, sad or worried, I would run to my younger one and hug him and he would hug me right back, even tighter.

(Talking about hug. Kitkit hardly hugs me or rather, I am AFRAID to be hugged by him. There had been too many cases that made it seem like whenever we are close to each other, we are bound to hurt each other physically.

He would either suddenly raise his head and knock onto my chin and makes me bit my own lip or tongue and I would end up having ulcer the next day OR I would accidentally scratch him with my fingernails somehow, OR he would have a sudden big action and our bones or skull would knock each other. I know it sounds crazy, but these had been happening in the past.)

I needed that comforting assurance from Binbin, that I still have a child who makes me laugh more than frown. One who constantly shows me that my love for him is deeply felt and appreciated all the time through the endless kisses and hugs that he gives so often.

In the past, I had said horrible sentences like, “Look at Binbin, he is younger than you, but he knows when is the right time to do what! Can you see that I hardly scold him, because he listens to instructions and does what needs to be done on his own without us telling him!”

Comparison sentences like such had been hurting my Kitkit over the past 8 years.

Every time after such negative comparative sentences are made, I would beat  myself up (internally) instantly and sometimes would changed the sentences to “Kitkit, PLEASE! You have done this SAME THING so many times already. You have been scolded because of this SAME THING so many times too. I know you do not like to be scolded, so can you PLEASE STOP!?!”

No more ‘Binbin‘ used in the sentences.

This year, 2012, has been a year of GREAT changes for me. In fact, some of the changes are SO MASSIVE the results are quite alarming, both personally and as a Mother.

Ever since we sold our house and had set aside money for EVERYTHING that is needed to do up our NEW DREAM HOME, finally we are able to use some to spend on ‘rectifying‘ the health of Kitkit.

Remember this post : “Child Chiropractor“, on how we met a Chinese Female Chiropractor?

Whenever I meet someone new and have the chance to meet often or keep in contact thereafter, I will always have this belief that this person comes into my life at this point because of a higher purpose.

To me, every new person that I come to know, even acquaintances whom I have more words to say to than just a simple “Hi” or “Bye”, is God sent. There is a reason why I would meet this person, at this place, at this time.

Yes, it WAS this Chinese Female Chiropractor that gave me a paradigm shift towards Kitkit’s behaviour, attitude and mannerism.

Let me help you recall, she said: “He is suffering in this body.”

*heart sank*

If YOU are sick, would you behave as if you are in a happy mood?
If YOU are unwell, would your attitude be good?
If YOU are in pain, would you still hold your posture well?

And the answer to all the above is A RESOUNDING “NO!”

Yes, that is my Kitkit.
Or should I say, that WAS my Kitkit.

I did not know that he was suffering in that body of his.
That short sentence from the doctor pierced right into my heart as my mind flashed images of me scolding him for not sitting properly, not walking properly, always in a daze, not being able to keep still…etc…. only after those sword-like words from the doctor did I know that it was PAINFUL for him to keep still in any position for long!

My son, in pain, yet had to endure the yelling from his Father, scoldings from his Mother… I feel so horrible!!!

After that, my attitude towards Kitkit took a 180 degrees change! Not only did I hardly scold him, I started to PRACTISE hugging him several times a day and not getting myself hurt. Everything started to change for the better between Kitkit and I since the month of May.

Yet, at the same time, things started to get sour between Binbin and I. Nothing has changed in my attitude towards Binbin, but Binbin could sense and see that I am different towards his GorGor now.

Jealousy hits!
Sibling quarrels increased!
Remember I mentioned that after the MidBrain Activation Program, in the post “Your Child Needs This“, sibling fights reduced greatly.

However sibling rivalry came back STRONG after my change in May and I started to side Kitkit more. Thus, I ended up scolding Binbin frequently. He became EXTREMELY difficult to manage whenever his brother is around.

Yet, when his brother is in school, my loving, understanding, obedient Binbin comes alive again!

Yes, a monster when his GorGor meets him after school at 6pm
and
an angel when his brother is in school.

It had been so emotionally draining for me.

“I NEED TO STRIKE A BALANCE, FAST! NOW! INSTANTLY!” I kept screaming at myself in my head. Its so loud, it echoed back!

Mid August, I made an effort. No, I made A HELL LOT OF EFFORT to WATCH MY BEHAVIOUR and attitude towards the two of them.

I either do not scold any of them or I scold both.
I either do not give any punishment or I punish both.

I tried!
I am still trying!
Sometimes I nailed it!
Sometimes my bullet missed!

Things turned out so much better this month.
Yes, I can SEE, HEAR, FEEL the difference.
I would continue to maintain, if not, improve further on my parenting method towards my two wonderful gifts from heaven.

Being a Parent to more than one child definitely takes more than just patience.
It takes skill, LOTS OF IT.
It needs knowledge, PLENTY OF THAT TOO!
And most importantly,
It needs PRACTISE!!!

Then again, if I had only one child, I think I would be a better Mom… now that I think of it, thank goodness, my dream of having 4 kids did NOT come true, or my hair would all turn white the day the fourth one is born!

*huge laugh*

If I had only one child, I think I would be a better Mom…

Copyright © 2007-2016 All About Your Child. The contents on this blog are the sole property of the author, Angeline Foong, and may not be used or reproduced in any manner without consent. All Rights Reserved. No Comments »