All About Your Child

It is normal for children to misbehave at times. Witnessed this in Great World City, a shopping centre in Singapore on a typical weekend…

Great World City is generally a “quiet” shopping mall… the silence was broken abruptly when I heard a boy screaming at the top of his lungs, way before he appeared infront of me.

He was screaming sooooo loudly that I could hardly hear anything except “I WANT THAT…..”

When he came in sight, he slammed himself on the floor! Rolling and “swimming” on the floor with his hands and legs moving in an uncoordinated manner; as he kept his eyes on his mummy as she walks away from him.

The boy looked 4-5 years old. The dad and grandmother was right behind him.

The mum made her stand by saying “NO! I am not getting that for you!”

The dad was too concern with his pride, said “Carry him up, he is making a scene here, everyone is looking at us!”

The grandmother tried to coax the child and scold her daughter-in-law at almost at the same time, its actually quite comical to see how fast her tone changed from a pampering tone (to the boy) and then to a blaming tone (to the child’s mum) and then back again to the nice and sweet granny…. “Aiya….Just give him what he wants, don’t let him cry like that….”

After about 10mins of “show”, the father couldn’t stand the eyes of the onlookers, grabbed the child, lift him up, placed him over his wide shoulders and walked off towards the direction of the mummy, who is long gone out of sight. Awww….

We can see 3 different views of handling a child misbehaving in public…. if you were in such a situation? Your child is making a hell of noise, everyone is looking at you, your spouse and your in-law are shouting at you…. what would you have done?

Tips in Disciplining Your Child

Parents should try to agree between themselves when dealing with children – There should be some general agreement on family rules and the consequences if these rules are broken. If possible, you should discuss what you would do with your child before the situation arises.

Parents should avoid disagreeing regularly in the child’s presence – Frequent disputes will confuse your child and discipling actions become ineffective. Your child may also manipulate the disagreements to his advantage.

Parent should take control and manage their child – Some parents are afraid to control their child. This lack of control may give the child opportunities to manipulate them.

Rules for children should be clear – This will help your child to know what is expected. Consistent enforcement of these rules is also important, otherwise your child’s behaviour may become erratic. However, rules should be reviewed and modified periodically so that they are appropriate for you child’s growing needs.

Back to the basics….look back at Understanding your child’s development pattern. Understand your child, in order to know how to handle him/her more efficiently….its a skill, you need practice.

Based on a true story.

A Father just bought a brand new car, drove into his garage, get out and look at it from every angle. He saved for a very long time… to own a car. He put his hands on the top of the bright red vehicle, slowly sliding his palm across. His face was glowing with excitement and satisfaction.

Just as he was still admiring his new love, his little boy came over, tapped on his trousers and called “Papa”. The father looked down at his son, lifted him up, swings him around, hugged him and said: “Look, son, we finally have a car, shall we go for a drive?”

“Let me inform your mummy first”, said the father. He placed his son down and instructed that the boy wait for him there with the car.

After awhile, as the happy man and his wife was heading back towards his car, he could hear a very distinct sound coming from the garage…’dong’ ‘dong’ ‘dong’. He ran over to make sure that his son was not hurt in anyway.

To his disbelieve, his child was holding a small hammer, pretending to be a mechanic, hammering away as he was going around the car! There were dents all over the automobile. He could not believe his eyes. As he sees the child continues, his shock turned to anger.

In a split second, he shouted at the boy. The child was startled, looked at his dad with a blank face, as he sees him charging over. The father grapped the hammer and the child’s hands, without any hold back, he hammered his childs’ hands with all his might as he screamed:” you like to hammer my car? I’ll show you how it’ll feel when the hammer is on you…”

The mum grapped the mad man, pushed him down to the floor….rushed her bleeding son to the hospital. The 3 years old boy’s fingers were crushed, the palms had to be amputated.

As he lies on the hospital bed, he saw his father’s tears, the child comforted the father: “Papa, don’t cry, I’ll buy you a new car when I grow up. I promise to be a good boy from now on. When I am a good boy, my hands will grow back, right?” After hearing the words of his only child, the father went home and committed suicide.

Below is a report extracted from World Health Organisation

How many times have you shouted at your child because of your negligence? In this case, the father could have carried him along to inform his wife. If so, would this misfortune be avoided? I have seen mothers raising their voice when they saw their child holding a marker, scribbling on the wall and the furnitures. In the first place, why was the marker within the reach of the children? Change your tone, not your volume.

How many times have you smacked your child because you were in a bad mood? Bad day at work? Tireness? Learn to manage your anger. Your child can never learn the right way if he was never taught how to do it right. Don’t vent your anger on your child, respect his ignorance. Respect that every action that a young child does is not meant to do harm. In this case, the child was just playing, pretending to be a mechanic. Did you know that the very 1^st time you hit your child, may result to an uncontrollable problem?I am aware of this danger because I was a victim and witnessed many of my friends who are much worse off than me. It usually starts off with a small slap on the palm, then the body, the face and it progress on to using objects to inflict pain.

It always begin as a warning to stop the child from doing what the parent didn’t like; then it became a habit and eventually it became natural; without you even noticing it! It’s dangerous to even start to lift a finger on your child.

Tip to discipline a child:

There are many ways to discipline your child. Over here, I would like to share a way for handling more serious misbehavior (children aged 2-10 years).

ü Use “quiet time” to stop a child from misbehaving. Ensure that this method is used for children who are old enough to understand its purpose.

ü Explain to the child that “quiet time” is a period for him to reflect on bad behavior. Tell the child why his misbehavior was unacceptable. Point out the correct behavior expected.

ü Let the child stay in a safe, isolated and boring place at home for a short while (1min for every year of the child, up to a maximum of 5mins). The child is to keep quiet and is not allowed to join in any activity. Never use a cupboard or storeroom for the “quiet time”.

ü If the child refuses to stay in the room or leaves the chair he is supposed to be on during “quiet time”, bring him back. You may even need to shut the door till he quietens down or behaves.

ü You must be prepared to persist with this technique and not talk to your child or give him any attention until “quiet time” is over.

ü After “quiet time”, talk to the child to ensure that he has understood your explanation. Reassure the child that he is loved.

ü Do not talk about the incident again. Encourage your child to find something else to do and praise him for this as you watch him.

ü If the behaviour occurs again, you will have to repeat “quiet time”. As the child learns the “quiet time” routine, he becomes quiet more quickly and “quiet time” is needed less often.

All children behave as well as they are treated.

– Jan Hunt