I am a terrible mommy. The one week school break is almost half gone and what have I done for my dear Keatkeat to make the school holiday an enjoyable one? Nothing!

I had planned to bring him to here and there, for a swim, for an hour each day or at least alternate days at the playground. I have done none of that. I didn’t tell him any of these stuff that had been haunting my mind. I would feel worse if I did told him, ‘cos his strong sense of justice would make him say hurtful sentences like this one, “You broke your promise!” and that’s the last thing I want to hear from my boy.

Blame it on the weather – It has been raining since Saturday, the very first day of the school holiday till this very moment as I am typing, the sky is has been crying. So what have I learnt? Don’t plan for outdoor fun only, need to plan for indoor games too.

Blame it on wrong timing – I am too upset over the death of Bear-nin I have no mood for happy things and who suffer as a result of my poor management of emotions? My kids. Instead of giving my kids (more than usual) laughter and smiles for the 9-days of holiday, I covered their rainbow skies with dark clouds (just like the ones outside my windows now). They don’t need, they shouldn’t be so caught up with the melancholy in me.

Sorry boys, Mommy did you wrong. Ok, so from this very moment on, I will try my best to make the rest of the school break an enjoyable one for the 2 of you, especially you Keatkeat. And boys, thank you so much for being so understanding towards your gloomy mommy over this week. You 2 have shown so much maturity, in fact way too much maturity from a 2-year-old and 4-year-old. Amazing!

The feeling is horrible when you know you have failed to bring joy to your children. Isn’t it true? The feeling of guilt is like leeches sucking out every ounce of blood in you. Ouch!