Take a close look at these: –

(for people visiting my blog for the very first time : Keatkeat is my elder son. My boys are 18months apart. Binbin is 3 and Keatkeat is 5 now)

Things Binbin could do at 3 years old and Keatkeat could only perform at 4:–

  1. Feed himself with a spoon.
  2. Grip the pencil correctly.
  3. Able to wipe and blow his nose without help.

Things Binbin could do at 3 and Keatkeat could only perform at 5:-

  1. Colour a picture with minimal white spots (un-coloured areas).
  2. Able to comprehend the meaning of syllabus. The parts in a word. eg. Crocodile has 3 syllabus and bus has 1.
  3. Able to hop 2 steps or more with one leg.
  4. Initiate to say Goodbye or Hello to his teacher.

Things Binbin could do at 3 and Keatkeat still could not:-

  1. Can concentrate on assignments when there is a distraction.
  2. Able to clean his bum PERFECTLY after toilet visits.
  3. Catch a ball with 2 hands.
  4. Throw a ball towards the person.
  5. Can complete a task without the need to repeat.
  6. Able to bathe himself well, without signs of soap or shampoo on body.
  7. Kick an approaching ball.
  8. Head an approaching ball.

Should I be worried? NO!

Am I affected by these? YES!

Keatkeat baby, if you ever get to read this when you are older, please don’t get me wrong. This post is NOT to show how inferior you are. This post is to show How your daily behaviour keeps poking into my wound. The guilty feeling that was in me, still in me and probably stay there for as long as I live.

Your slower development is not your fault. Its mine. Because of mommy’s committment to my retail business. I didn’t really spend time with you. To train up your motor skills OR to build up your social skills when it was time.

I could not turn back the clock. Its irreversible. My lack of time has affected you this MUCH. Something that I never thought coming. I thought: You will be fine in the hands of Grandpa and Grandma. Not seeing you for days, for several nights would be ok.

Its only too late to know that it was a Mistake. Grandpa and Grandma loves you too much (being first grandson), they do everything for you. Feed you, bathe you, clean you up… they will help you in anything, so long as you don’t need to lift finger.

A mistake too big and too tough for me to ‘speed’ your growth, so that you could be what you ‘should be’ at your age. But mommy is trying every day ok? It takes more than patience alone; something that your Papa would rather sigh over it, whenever he sees your brother could do it better.

Keatkeat, grow at your pace. A pace that’s comfortable for you, even though it means more people would think that Binbin is ‘Gorgor’ (elder brother) and not you.

Keatkeat, mommy’s heart hurts to see you discouraged… but I’m going on this journey with you, so please don’t give up, no matter how discouraged you are… don’t give up, no matter how much better Binbin does…. don’t give up…..