All About Your Child

For most of you who have been ‘regulars’ here know what kind of person my MIL is. Whenever I talk about her, I’m never stingy on details *laugh*, but I don’t exaggerate ok!

Today when we were over there, as usual on Sundays, I witness something that made my heart feels good…. errrrmmm….even though I’m NOT supposed to…

My eldest BIL, whose family stays with her, is the ONLY one in the family who dares to shout at my MIL if he does not agree with her. And here’s the drama for today: –

Little 1 year old Weidong was playing with the sliding door that separates the kitchen from the living room. My MIL was worried that her grandson would accidentally hurt his fingers as he slides back and forth. After much scolding and warning the little cutie didn’t stop, she slapped his tiny hands. Weidong cried.

Few minutes later. When my BIL went into the kitchen, his son went back AGAIN to slide the door. This time, it wasn’t back and forth. He closed it completely, turned his head and gave a cheeky smile at all the spectators. I was waiting for a big reaction from my MIL.

Instead of another slap on his hand or scolding, my MIL laughed and clapped her hands, “You naughty boy, locked Papa in the kitchen eh?” *laugh*

My BIL slided the door opened and as he stepped out, he raised his voice at my MIL, “If I’m Weidong, I’ll be so confused! When I slide the door a moment ago, you scolded me and hit me. The next moment you are clapping and cheering. How in the world would I know if it is right to play with the door or not?!”

As usual, my cannot-be-defeated MIL started to answer with her nonsensical reasoning, “Just now he was sliding it back and forth. Now he didn’t, he just close it….”

Without giving her a chance to finish, my BIL snapped, “Aiya, you just don’t want to lose, just don’t want to admit that your actions are wrong. To Weidong, be it sliding the door back and forth or just close it, its the same! He still has his hands on the door!”

MIL felt she was embarrassed infront of the whole family repeated her case again, but my BIL just walked back into the bedroom without a word, because he knows her too well. She just doesn’t want to admit that she is wrong. Since her target was not interested in the argument, she turned to the forever-harmless FIL and started her long speech. As usual, FIL didn’t say a word, just sat there and listen to all her ramblings…. *laugh*

I’m happy because I wanted to say that too! But it wouldn’t make much impact as compared to my BIL, ‘cos he is talking about his son, whereas Weidong is just my nephew…. *laugh* I’m evil in this sense…. Not that I like to see my MIL being yelled at, but its always entertaining to see her and my BIL, the 2 most temperamental beings in the family having a drama like this. *laugh*

After my post yesterday, my sis had a chat with me over the issue.  She was there when EVERYTHING happened, yet she was unclear of the hidden reasons behind Allan’s and my reactions. If she can’t even ‘see’ it when she was right there in the house, I think most of you didn’t too…

I feel the need to clear up the grey areas, even though I may seem to be Over-Doing this…its just me, I can’t bottle-up all the unhappiness, I need to ‘vomit’ them out till I’m completely well again! So here goes….

To Allan, SPEED is priority. To me, COMPLETION is more important. I don’t care if you finish your bowl of rice in 1 hour or 2 or even 3! So long as you finished it. My concern is the child has to be full. The child should ENJOY his food and not eat under stress!

To Allan, its a waste of time to sit at the dining table for 1 hour. But to me, WHOSE TIME IS IT ANYWAY? Its the kids’ time NOT yours!! And kids like to spend their time in enjoyment! Ok, sometimes when we do dine out, Allan finds it frustrating to sit there and wait for them to finish their food. His frustrations can explode when he sees the table beside us have already changed 3 groups of diners! To him, he could have used that precious time to print his flyers, call his clients or look through documents. FINE! I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT! But Monday was DIFFERENT!!! We were at home! He could print his flyers, call his clients or look through documents! So WHOSE TIME IS BEING WASTED THEN???!!!!

To Allan, if the kids get to choose what they want to eat, then there is NO excuse for eating it slowly. To me, able to choose what they want to eat gives them the enjoyment of eating! My MIL ever scolded me for giving the kids the power to choose what they want to eat. The old-fashioned woman thinks that we, as parents, should decide for the kids and not let them have freedom of choice at this age. So when the mother of my hubby thinks that way, you know the kind of conditioning that has been instilled in his mind. But to @#$% with that! Even adults can’t really swallow food they don’t like, why should children be deprived of the choice of food?! Anyway, Allan gave in to me on this issue after many many meals 2 years ago.

To Allan, the kids cannot drink and eat at the same time; drink ONLY when all the food is gone. To me, that was not how I was brought up. It took 2 years after dating him to change my eating habits. Surprisingly, my MIL always provide a small bowl of soup with rice for every kid during our Sunday Family day there. To my MIL, soup is fine, but not other beverages, not even plain water. I did a search on the net once and sad to say, its true that drink-as-you-eat do harm your gastric. Oh well, my gastric is terrible and who knows, maybe that might just be the cause of it. So for this issue, I gave in to him. So, kids don’t get to drink till they finish their food. He said, “If I could be brought up that way, there shouldn’t be a problem for our boys.”

To Allan, we need to train our boys to eat faster when they are still young, so that when they are in Primary school, they would be able to finish their food during the short recess period. To me, OH PLEASE!! When there is peer pressure, miracles can happen!! There isn’t a-teeny-weeny-bit in me worrying over this issue!

To Allan, feeding them can speed up their eating. To me, that’s creating laziness in them! My MIL (I have to keep mentioning her because the Allan he is TODAY is because of how my MIL brought him up) scolded me several times, saying that I should NOT allow them to feed themselves, because they take a longer time to finish and when the food is cold, its “moh-yek” (not nutritional for the body – in Cantonese) anymore. She kept saying that my niece was ALWAYS fed by HER (my MIL) at home, but after attending school she could feed herself so well now! OH PLEASE! My niece’s kindergarten provides food, like porriage or marcaroni and they are given 15mins to eat. So like I’ve mentioned above, when there is peer pressure, MIRACLES DO happen! But my boy’s school do not! They bring their own snacks and they are only given 5mins to eat! Oh please be fair when YOU (my MIL) make a comparison! *Urrrggghhhh*

Wouldn’t feeding them cause you MORE FRUSTRATIONS??!! Cos’ you are STUCK there and had to keep repeating, “Bite! Chew! Swallow! Eat Faster! Move Your Mouth!…” all the time! So why not just let them eat at a pace they are comfortable with and you are free to do your own stuff!?

Some parents prefer to feed their kids because they don’t like the mess created after the meal. But to me, cleaning is never an issue at all. I don’t mind the mess, with rice on the floor and the chair, oh, which kid doesn’t, at this age?! I did when I was that young (I believe)!

To Allan, chasing him out of the house is as good as sending a signal that he is not wanted and that (supposedly) should inflict some pain in the kid. To me, how can that ‘signal’ be sent across when the DOOR is kept opened and he could actually watch you working at the computer??!!! If that was the signal YOU (Allan) want to send, then the door should be closed! But then again, we can’t! So that’s why I flared up! Why in the world introduce a punishment that doesn’t make the kid come to a realisation of what is wrong?!! Keatkeat was enjoying his punishment!!!! And this punishment reminded my sister of a terrible childhood event. Go see her comments for yesterday’s post, under ‘Angela’. Allan knows about her experience and YET he doesn’t seem to ‘see’ the danger!

I am soooooo glad he didn’t eat lunch and dinner with us yesterday, after the big commotion on Monday. Cos (although) the kids took 1 and half hour to finish their rice, they had their meal, laughing and chatting with each other. You see, dear Angie, its not that I gave my boy MORE than he could manage, but he just prefer to eat at a slow pace. But still, I want to thank you for the suggestion. At least that shows how much you cared. Thank you, everyone of you, for your supportive words and wonderful suggestions too.

Though they took a long time to FINISH their food, they are happy! They are full! They have their little tum-tum (tummy)! And I like that~!

See the BIG PROBLEM here? The problem is NOT WHAT punishment should be given. The BIG PROBLEM is : Allan is punishing my boy for something which I think is PERFECTLY ALRIGHT! Now THAT’S the problem! I don’t want my boy to be punished for eating slowly!!!!

*Deep Breath* Its so stressful eating with him since one and half month ago. I MEANT ME! I feel so stressful eating with him and I hate that feeling!!! Does he know? He does! Like I’ve told you guys, I can’t bottle-up my unhappiness, I must let the person know how I feel, or I’ll RATHER jump down from an overhead bridge at the highway and let the cars knock me around like a pinball till I die horrendously!!!!