All About Your Child

Parenting is a wonderful journey if the adults learn to think out of the box when they are handling their children.

Every child is different. One parenting style may work for one and not for another kid. It is a struggle (for me) for parents who have more than one vibrant young in the family and none of them can be brought up using the same parenting style. Then (I) the parents have to deal with the “Why so unfair?!” issue.

Am I confusing you?

Let me give you an example. Binbin is great at working on his own and Keatkeat needs companionship.

So when I see Keatkeat sit still and do his work by himself without the need for someone to be physically beside him, my heart leaps with joy.

I would want him to know that I am very pleased with him and for me, a BIG BEAR hug is how I encourage him to CONTINUE this good behaviour. BUT IT IS A WRONG MOVE, ….towards Keatkeat.

When I hug Binbin in the MIDDLE of his work to show him how happy I am with him, he would speed up even more, concentrate even more and complete his work with a perfect score. For Binbin : My hug = Booster. *grin*

However, when it comes to my elder son, My hug = Interruption. *faint*

Same physical gesture, at the same time, MEANS TOTALLY DIFFERENT THING to different kid.

Yes, Keatkeat would COMPLETELY STOP doing his task and start chatting with me. *slap forehead*

So when Keatkeat sees me hugging Binbin in the middle of his work, Keatkeat would say, “Why didn’t hug me?! So unfair.”

Ever since then, I learned NOT to hug both when they are in the midst of their school work, lest I get myself into the debate of prejudice. So now, I hug them when their task is completed.

Hugging your child or ANY CHILDREN is very important. Never stop hugging your child. A hug is more powerful than any beautiful adjectives you can say through your lips.

• Hug = Love
• Hug = Empathy
• Hug = Moved/Touched
• Hug = Sympathy
• Hug = Encouragement
• Hug = “I’m so proud of you”

Have you hug your child today? When did you last hug your child? What transcended through that hug of yours? Most importantly, did you hug at the right time…… to the right child?

Parenting Tip for Today : Hug at the right time

Ever since we moved to this temporary accommodation, I have been feeling hungry easily. The fragrance from my neighbour’s kitchen travel to mine thrice a day! I think she or he must be a great cook, but my hubby thinks otherwise because the smell seems the same to him every day. *laugh*

Anyway, since then I started to have my lunch at the same time as Binbin, which is 11am+, before he goes to school, thus leaving Keatkeat and Allan to have their own lunch.

Today, after Allan and I fetched Keatkeat from school, Allan asked: “Keatkeat, what do you want to eat? Mummy is not eating with us.”

Keatkeat: “Again?! Mummy, why do you eat so early nowadays?”

Allan [interrupted before I could answer]: “She feels hungry ok?”

Keatkeat: “Mummy, I want you to eat with me. For many days already, you did not eat lunch with me.”

Me: “Why do you want me to eat with you?”

Keatkeat: “Because I like lor! BUT WAIT! If you are REALLY hungry ah, then for goodness sake, go eat. I don’t want you to go hungry and wait for me.”

Me [chuckled]: “So confusing. One moment, you want me to eat lunch with you. Next moment, you want me to eat when I am hungry. Why did you change suddenly?”

Keatkeat: “Because I don’t want to get scolded by Papa. Later he blame me for making you go hungry, just because I ask you to wait for me to eat.”

Allan: “Of ‘Cos I will scold you! If Mummy don’t eat when she is hungry, she will have gastric pain. Very painful ok?! Its like people take your intestine and pull it.”

Keatkeat: “Ok lah ok lah. Mummy go eat with Binbin lah.”

Me [giggling]: “Ok ok…. I know how I can eat lunch with you and NOT feel hungry while I wait for you to come out from school. I shall start eating breakfast.”

Deep in my heart, I am grateful that Keatkeat voiced out his feelings of neglect. Constantly, I need my child to tell me how he feels, even without the need for me to ask.

Therefore, in order to achieve that aim, when I became a Mummy, I keep reminding myself that whenever my kids tells me what is in their hearts, I must either ‘act’ on it, ‘make changes’ to it or pay more attention to whatever issue it may be.

No bad remarks to be given to hurt their ego, nor negative comments, even if it is not inline with my values system. Only reason it out. Now that he is 8 years old, reasoning has become a very effective way of instilling good values.

Only then will they continue to feel comfortable telling me their deepest thoughts and feelings.If I do not do so, soon enough they will think “its no use telling Mummy or Papa what I think and feel, ‘cos they don’t bother to do anything about it, or worse, might get scolding. So I think, keep quiet better.”

With all my heart and will, I refused to let such a day come and the only way I can prevent that is to continue to tune my parenting style with each growing phase of theirs.

I want them to continue to open up and tell me, even when I did not ask…

Open Up, Tell Me! even when I didn’t ask…