All About Your Child

This has always been a debate.
However, you would not know till you try.
Most importantly, every child is different.
There is no right or wrong, but this is my view.

To me, reward is better than punishment IF MOTIVATING is the main reason.
The kids followed me to my Body Fat Loss class on Wednesday. I wanted to make sure that I get no interruption from them when I was sharing infront of the class, so while we were in the car, on the way to the venue, I said: “Kiddos, you MUST ‘leave me alone’ when we are there. Do not talk to me, if you have any request, go to Papa. If the two of you are able to do that, I will give the two of you a surprise tomorrow, ok?”

Kitkit: “Orh. Ok. I hope its not ice-cream.”
Binbin: “Ok. Are you going to bring us to a place?”

Me: “You’ll know tomorrow. IF you can do what I said earlier.”

I could have changed the sentence to “If you two did not do that, I will punish the two of you.”

Its just a change of words, but the impact on the kids will be very different.
One, is Motivated to get the surprise.
The other, is Fear of not doing it right.

I do not want my children to live in fear.
I like them to feel motivated and have the mindset of looking forward to the future.
Hence, I choose to give reward and not to threaten with punishment.

And they behaved soooooooooooo well!!!
So much so that one of my Singapore Partners came over and said: “Your boys are good. Very well-behaved. Volunteered themselves to help out and do their own things without disturbing.”
(oh well, they brought UNO and some small toys.)

Hearing praises of my children from another mummy’s mouth is so wonderful!!!

As a result, I bought each of them a small gift.
Nothing much, but I know they love fixing things, so this was a great gift for them!

Binbin loved it so much, he did this fluffy green heart for me right before he slept last night. Hooked it on my shirt and said: “Thank you for the surprise. I like it.”
Aaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwww……….
*Heart Melt*

Reward your child or Punish your child?
What’s your parenting style?

Reward vs Punishment

I read a very simple, yet very meaningful passage over the internet today.
If you flare up at your child often, you may want to read the following article.
As the passage was written in Chinese and most of my readers are English-speaking, I thought of doing a translation here for my English readers.

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God gave me a task.
HE wanted me to have a stroll with a snail.
I was unable to walk fast,
The snail tried its best to crawl, but its progress was so slow?
I hurried it, I shouted at it, I blamed it.
The snail looked at me with eyes filled with apologies,
as if saying: “I am ALREADY TRYING MY BEST!”

I pulled it, I tugged it, I even have the thought of kicking it,
The snail was wounded, sweating all over, panting hard, moving forward….

Totally baffled, why did GOD want me to bring a snail out for a stroll?
“Oh God! Why?”
The sky was silent.
*sigh*
“Maybe God is out catching snails.”
“Fine! I shall let go of the leash then.”
“Since GOD does not care anymore, why should I?”
“Just let the snail crawl, while I stay to sulk.”

“Hhhmmm…I can smell the fragrance from the flowers, so there’s a garden here.”
“I can feel the wind, didn’t realise the breeze is so comforting.”
“Wait a Minute! I can hear the birds singing, the sound of insects too.”
“I can see a beautiful sky filled with stars!”
“Why haven’t I had such an experience before?”

I realised, maybe I had been wrong all along?
God’s intention was to let the snail take me out for a stroll.

Moral behind the story:
Teaching our kids is like having a stroll with a snail.
Walk the growing journey of our children with them. (enjoying every moment)
There will be hair-pulling and frustrating moments,
Nonetheless,
Its our children showing us the most beautiful things in life subtly.

Our children’s eyes are filled with truth,
Our children’s perspectives are unique,
Parents should try to slow down our pace,
Put aside our subjective ideas,
Enjoy the beauty of life with our children,
Listen to the voice inside their hearts,
Take some time off,
Look away from your seemingly endless busy schedule,
Your child would not be the only one who will benefit from this. (you will too)

We can hold our tongue so well infront of our bosses, who satisfy our short term material needs.
Yet, we cannot do so to our own flesh and blood, who completes us and satisfy our long term emotional needs.
Zip our lips.
Pause.
Listen.
Let the children speak…..

I want to record this here as a reminder to myself too….
*silence*

For those of you who are great in your Chinese language, you may want to go to the link below to read the actual article:
http://goo.gl/LWdqnw

Is Your Child the ‘Snail’?