All About Your Child

My blogger friend, Adeline, shared this beautiful post on Facebook. I think it fully describes how every parent feels…..

My child,

When I get old, I hope you understand ‘n have patience with me
In case I break the plate, or spill soup on the table because I’m losing my eyesight,
I hope you don’t yell at me.
Older people are sensitive, always having self pity when you yell.
When my hearing gets worse ‘n I can’t
hear what you’re saying, I hope you
don’t call me ‘Deaf!’
Please repeat what you said or write it
down.

I’m sorry, my child.
I’m getting older.
When my knees get weaker, I hope you have the patience to help me get up.
Like how I used to help you while you
were little, learning how to walk. Please bear with me, when I keep
repeating myself like a broken record, I hope you just keep listening to me.

Please don’t make fun of me, or get sick of listening to me.
Do you remember when you were little ‘n you wanted a ballon?
You repeated yourself over ‘n over until you get what you wanted.
Please also pardon my smell. I smell like an old person.
Please don’t force me to shower.
My body is weak.
Old people get sick easily when they’re
cold. I hope I don’t gross you out.
Do you remember when you were little? I
used to chase you around because you
didn’t want to shower.
I hope you can be patient with me when
I’m always cranky. It’s all part of getting
old. You’ll understand when you’re older.
‘n if you have spare time, I hope we can
talk even for a few minutes.
I’m always all by myself all the time, ‘n
have no one to talk to.
I know you’re busy with work. Even if you’re not interested in my
stories, please have time for me. Do you remember when you were little? I
used to listen to your stories about your
teddy bear.

When the time comes, ‘n I get ill ‘n
bedridden, I hope you have the patience
to take care of me. I’m sorry if I accidentally wet the bed or
make a mess.
I hope you have the patience to take
care of me during the last few moments
of my life.
I’m not going to last much longer, anyway.

When the time of my death comes, I
hope you hold my hand ‘n give me
strength to face death. ‘n don’t worry..
When I finally meet our creator, I will
whisper in his ear to bless you. Because
you loved your Mom and Dad.

~ this is for my Keatkeat and Binbin too

At this moment, year end examination is in the process in many schools. Keatkeat’s first paper was on 13th September and his last paper would be on 1st November, which is one day before his birthday. *clap clap clap* Lots of breaks in between. Total 7 ‘examinable’ days.

Conversations between parents outside the school gate often includes,
“What do you do to your child during exam time?”
“How do you help him to prepare for exam?”
“No TV;”
“No Play;”
“Let him/her do past years examination papers;”
“Specially get past years examination papers from those Top Primary School for my child;”
“Let him/her keep practicing his/her weaker subjects, no time to waste;”

Then the conversation would change to,
“Kids nowadays are so pitiful. So much to learn and to do.”
“No choice. Have to do it. Or will fail exam then become a useless fellow in future.”

I am sorry.
For me, totally disagree.
Your child has lots of work to do because you gave your child more work to do on top of school work.
Your child does not need grades from school to become a useful human being in future.
There are so many millionaires and successful people out there who were school dropouts. So grades are NOT the ONLY determinant factor.

I know of a child who did badly in school and all that the parents know is ‘throw‘ the child in a tuition centre or engage private tutor, when in the beginning the parents did not play a good role in teaching.

Remember my previous post “Your Child is Not Stupid“, I said “Your Child Is Not Stupid, Its You Who Does Not Know How To Teach Effectively.”

Revision is not for examination only, but a daily routine.
I do not believe in cramming for exams at the eleventh hour. Because it creates unnecessary stress on the child and it causes the child to fear exam.

Every day, I would give my boys, Primary 2 and Kindergarten 2, worksheets for all 3 subjects; English, Mathematics and Chinese. Unless they have homework from school, then the revision for that particular subject will be missed. For example, if there are Chinese and English homework from School, then I will only give him revision for Mathematics.

After revising each subject, a 30mins break is given before the next revision for the next subject begins. When all three subjects had been revised, its play time all the way till lullaby hour. I am a strong believer in striking a balance between fun and work. Study time is just as important as play time. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

Ever since I became a Mummy, I speak to my children in English because from Mathematics, to Science, to Geography, to History, to Literature, to Art n Crafts, to Home Economics, to Technical Studies, to Chemistry, to Biology, to Physics and every other possible subjects (except Mother Tongue: Chinese); ALL teachers teach ALL subjects using English language (except for Mother Tongue).

Therefore I strongly believe that English is more important than Chinese and any other subject. English must be the foundation. When your child’s English foundation is poor, it will affect every other subject that will come along the way throughout Primary and Secondary education.

Therefore to me, English should be emphasized the day my children were born, in order to build that foundation.

With that said and WITHOUT any conflicting emotions in me at all, when my children goes to Primary School, all 3 basic subjects: English, Mathematics and Chinese, should be given the same effort IN TERMS OF REVISION. Once the English foundation is built, time used on revision for all subjects should be equal.

Revision is not for the sake of getting good grades for exams. Revision is a lifelong process. What you see less, read less, speak less, you will forget. True?
Therefore, revision should be done on a daily basis and NOT for tests or examination period only.

When revision is done daily, your child will not feel unnecessary stress during exams or tests. Unnecessary stress causes more careless mistakes because the child tends to over-think when answering the questions.

Exams are NOT Stressful. The Stress on the child comes from the Parents. Its how the parents paint the ‘exam picture‘ to the child, that makes the child fear exam.

“I want you to get 90/100 for all subjects.”
“I don’t want to see any careless mistakes on your exam paper. I will punish you for every careless mistakes made.”
“Don’t fail this paper or I will NOT give you ________, which you want, as a punishment.”

Is the child studying for knowledge, or studying to please the parents, or simply to prevent being punished?

These unnecessary stress may lead to poor health, poorer concentration or may even lead to peeking/copying during exams.

Studying is not scary.
School is not boring.
Studying is not to find a good job but to increase knowledge.
School is a place to learn to handle different levels of human relationships and improve on discipline.
Studying in school is supposed to be Fun for children and not something that the child feels reluctant to go to.

I have said it before and I will say it again:
I LOVE EXAMINATIONS!
There are so much things to look forward to!

• During exams period, there is no proper lesson because all the curriculum had been completed.
• During exams period, there are hardly any homework.
• During exams period, there are so much more free time.
• And the best part is AFTER exams its SCHOOL HOLIDAYS!

*clap clap clap*

And I am instilling this ‘look-forward-to-exam’ attitude into my boy and that little fellow has no problem absorbing that! *laugh* ‘cos once the exams are over, he celebrates his birthday!

So to my son, exams or not, there is no difference and I would like to keep it that way. Without unnecessary exam stress, he is at his best. *Grin*

Parenting my 7 year old has been nothing but a a bed of roses with untrimmed thorns.

Bed of roses ~ totally amazed at how independent he has become and how he used that to help out in the family.

As for thorns, they are still making me bleed every single day.

In fact, ever since he started Primary school education last year, it has been an uphill struggle. My patience were tested over and over again. My creative parenting ideas were slammed with failure.

Am I defeated?
Well, I am not throwing in the towel yet.
It is a stage that every child has to go through. I have been there and done that too. Yes, this stage will pass. But my question is, this is also a stage where parents have to start molding the child, how can I let my child makes the most out of this stage without burning myself out?

ATTITUDE is the focus for any parent parenting 7 year old.

Attitude of the child, as well as attitude of the parent, both are just as important. When you think badly of your child, he will react even worse. So parent’s attitude is crucial too.

For the very first time, he challenged me…

He was doing his comprehension worksheet. It was a long answer and the two lines given on the worksheet were obviously insufficient for him to write his answer, no matter how small (the wordings) my 7 year old could write.

So I suggested, “Draw one more line in between that two lines, so that you have enough space to write the answer.”

Totally ignored me.
Keatkeat started to write the answer in super small handwriting.

I continued, “If you choose to write without drawing the extra line and if the space is insufficient, you will need to erase and write again.”

Showing Extreme Frustration, he picked up the ruler, clutched his pencil and drew a ‘here!-give-you-your-line.-now-shut-up’ kind of line. Totally crooked, slanted line; even though the ruler was placed on the paper. Then he glared at me, “Nah! Here’s your line!”

“Don’t give me that attitude!” I snapped.
I erased the awful line and said, “Fine! If you choose to write without drawing the extra line. Go Ahead!”

In the end, he could not squeeze his full answer in. In fact, he needed TWO extra lines to be drawn.

He looked at me after completing his sentence and said, “Ok! So you were right. Happy now?!”

Me: “Why did I ask you to draw the extra line?”
Keatkeat: “So that I can write the answer.”

Me: “After writing so much and realised you do not have enough space. How do you feel?”
Keatkeat: “Angry.”

Me: “When you were erasing your half written answer, how do you feel?”
Keatkeat: “Angry!”

Me: “Why are you angry?”
Keatkeat: “Because you are right again!”

Wow! Do you see that? My 7 year old wants to be ‘RIGHT’ or rather ‘BETTER’ than his Mother.

A clear sign of growing up. Significance and achievements have become a priority to him, regardless who he is against with.

Me: “What is the difference between an adult and a child?”
Keatkeat: “Age.”

Me: “An adult is older, which also means an adult has made more mistakes than a child. Yes?”
Keatkeat: “Yes.”

Me: “And from mistakes, we learn. Without making mistakes, we cannot be smarter. Yes?”
Keatkeat: “Yes.”

Me: “So why do you think I am right most of the time?”
Keatkeat: “Because you learn from your mistakes.”

Me: “Yes, I was once a child like you too. I was once a 7 year old. I made the same mistake as you in the past. I learnt from it. So I could tell that you needed to draw extra lines between that two lines given on the worksheet. Who do I want to help? Myself?”
Keatkeat: “No. You want to help me.”

Me: “Good. So can I continue to help you now?”
Keatkeat: “Ok.”

Me: “You missed out two words in your answer. Please erase and re-write.”
Keatkeat: “…………………”

Before I move on, I must define the word ‘lecture’. To me, lecturing your child is a long conversation with your child, whereby you talk about the wrong doing, the right value system, the appropriate action and reaction you want your child to have when a certain situation occurs.

It is unlike scolding. Scolding is short, straight to the point and really loud (most of the time). Well, it’s the case for me. *giggle*

Here I am, sitting by the pool, waiting for my boys to end their swimming lesson and there she is, a mother of a 11-12 year old boy, lecturing him over an incident which her son claimed he is unaware of.

“I really don’t know.” the son stayed firmed to his stand.

“Don’t lie to me. You were there, how is it possible that you do not know?” the mother rebuked.

Even though the son kept shouting, “I am not lying!” the mother refused to believe.

After 10mins of that back and forth argument, the son gave in and in all his unwillingness, decided to shut up, since his mother was so adamant about her verdict.

Then the mother moved on to label her son ‘a liar’ and started to talk about how bad lying is and what damaging effects it will have on his life in future.

She is well aware that everyone, which includes parents, helpers, kids were ‘watching’ the Free Show. Somehow her facial expression tells me that she is more focused on the attention that is on her, than ‘really‘ wanting to lecture her son. The more she goes in depth into the topic, the louder she became. I don’t know, maybe it makes her feel good in some way.

Regardless if the child lied or not, in this case, I seriously do not think the lecturing should be done in public, especially when the child is already in his teens or near.

Children have pride and we as parents should respect that.

It is NOT a life and death issue, I think it is perfectly alright to wait till you get home to trash out the topic.

If you must, I think it is more appropriate to bring the child to a quiet corner and not in the midst of the watchful eyes of the public.

I am not saying that the mother is wrong, but what she did is not something I would do. To me, there is no right or wrong parenting. Its just different values and priorities in life that resulted in different parenting styles.

Would you lecture your child in public for all to see?

Silly mistakes parents make are countless and I am no different from any other parent. If you had made one silly mistake today, yesterday or few days ago and are still feeling bad about yourself or guilty towards your child, maybe reading how silly this parent ~ ME! ~ did today might make you feel better.

It has been a long and exhausting week for me. Finally the dayS of battling with the mysterious sudden attack of fever, vomiting and diarrhea on Binbin is over. Despite this, there were lots of traveling around needed during this past week. I am so looking forward to having ME-TIME this morning. Looking forward to blog about this and that and every other joyful thing.

Yet, one silly mistake I made today is so overwhelming, I do not feel like blogging about happy things.

Every school day, Keatkeat’s usual self would take 30 to 40 mins to get ready before he could leave the doorstep of the house. But today, he was superb! Woke up at 6.25am and all was done at 6.40am! Whoo-hoo! 15mins! *clap clap clap*

We were still going ‘La, La-la, La-la.’ as we strolled to the bustop. “Isn’t it great to be early?! Don’t need to rush. No running. No sweat!” I smiled at my Primary 2 boy.

“Yes.” he gave me the biggest grin.

When we alighted, I checked the time, it was 7.04am. “Hey Keatkeat, its still early, since you are such a fantastic boy this morning, do you want to eat McDonalds Hashbrown as a reward?”

“Ok! I want Hot Milo too.” he replied with skipping steps.

After ordering one Hashbrown, one Sausage McMuffin with Egg and a cup of Hot Milo, I realised something was amiss. It was very ‘empty’ at McDonalds. It is usually packed with school kids from Keatkeat’s school. I looked at the time on my mobile phone again. It was only 7.06am. School starts at 7.25am. Its still early!

But my hunch tells me my time was wrong. So while waiting for the food to be served onto my tray, I turned towards the McDonalds staff for ‘her time‘. “7.15pm, Mdm” she said.

WHAT??!!!

I do not know if its because of my panic or my exhaustion from the week or simply my ‘slow’ character. I could not react fast enough. Instead of asking the lady to change the ‘having-here’ to ‘take-away’, with my quick steps and flustered self, I hurried Keatkeat to chomp down that hot Hashbrown and sipped the hot Milo.

He gave up on the hot Milo without even attempting. Hashbrown was only half done and it was already 7.23am.

I picked up the hot Milo after swallowing the last mouthful of McMuffin and signaled the still-chewing-Keatkeat to eat as we semi-run-walk to his school.

What more can I say?

He was late.

I am such an IDIOT! It was such a rare opportunity for him to go to school without a drop of sweat, without the need to run, without me having to say repeatedly, “Hurry up Keatkeat. Faster! Or you would be late.” Yet, I, the stu**d mother caused him to be late for school.

*slap Slap SLAP*

Allan’s response to this was, “You should stop rewarding him with breakfast at McDonalds since you know he eats at such slow speed in the morning.”

“But we have tried before. Reach McDonalds at 7.05am and leave at 7.20am. When he reach school, its 7.23am.” I argued.

*Scream*

Sorry Keatkeat… such a fantastic boy today should not have such an ending ~~~ being late for school.

Its Mummy’s fault. Sorry…