All About Your Child

Being away from my kids can be an emotional roller coaster ride for them more than me. Am I a terrible mum? I do not think so. To me, when I am away, I make sure that every second spent is worthwhile and would benefit them directly or indirectly, eventually.

Thus, I will go all out to get things done as I was required to. It does not mean they are not on my mind. But because they are the reason why I am away, the easier it was for me to stay focus and commit to my tasks.

Away for 3 full days was exhausting, but rewarding. Luckily my boys are late-sleepers or else they would not haven seen me for a full 72 hours. I was a contributor during a 3-day seminar. Thus I had to be there before every thing started and almost after everything ended.

So in order to make sure that the boys KNOW that I am thinking of them, I ‘sent‘ them secret letters every day. It was also a tool to help Allan to have ‘smoother‘ parenting days.

The rule was : The Boys needed to get a number of ticks on the smiling face Each Day, before they can open the letter for that day.

To get a tick, all they need to do, is listen to Allan’s instructions and act on it immediately.

For example, if Allan said “Go Brush Your Teeth.” They had to go without whining or dilly dally. If Allan had to repeat more than twice, then a tick on the sad face would appear.

All the letters were pre-prepared way before I attended the seminar.

Day 1:

My sis woke up earlier than my hubby. She saw Binbin’s sad face when he did not see me.

Without knowing this ‘rule‘, she gave the letter to Binbin to cheer him up. So the boys got their first letter without ‘working‘ for it.*faint*

That night, Binbin cried as he told me that he forgot to bring home ‘something‘ which he bought for me. I could not figure out what it was through his ‘choking-from-his-tears’ and never bothered to ask what it was either.

Day 2:

As you can see from above, Binbin (Zen) ‘worked‘ just as hard as his elder brother, Keatkeat (Zac) to make sure that he could open the second letter.

That night, Keatkeat asked “Mommy, is it going to be all notes? How about giving us a toy car?” *faint*

Asking such a question to a ‘Don’t-buy-toys-Mommy’, is as good as not buying a lottery ticket and hope you could win the lottery. Fat Chance! *laugh*

Day 3:

Oh well, like I had expected, Keatkeat likes surprises, so instead of giving notes, I gave a CARD on the 3rd day. Oh well, at least its NOT a note. *laugh* (Remember? I prepared everything way before the seminar. I think I really know my son very well. *wink*)

The cutest thing was, ever since then, I receive ‘something‘ in an envelope from Binbin every day! *giggle* Which usually happens to be his toy car or an eraser or a small piece of artwork.  Nice! *smile*

What ‘special‘ thing do you do to your children when you are away from them? Do you bother to remind them that you are missing them? Has it become so routine that you have forgotten to tell them that you are loving them, even though you are not by their side? *wink*

Having 3 Generations staying under the same roof can be a blessing AS WELL AS a confusion to a child.

When the Mommy scolds the child, he runs to the Daddy.
When the Daddy scolds the child, he runs to Grandma.
When the Grandma scolds the child, he runs to Grandpa.
When the Grandpa scolds the child, he runs to Mommy.

In any and every case, he gets the consolation and the coaxing.

Yet,
When Mommy said “No soft drinks for the child” because the child is coughing, his Daddy lets him go with his craving.
When Daddy said “No soft drinks for the child” because the child is having a running nose, his Grandma gives him a sip.
When Grandma said “No soft drinks for the child” because she is tired of taking care of a constantly ill kid, his Grandpa stepped in.
When Grandpa said “No soft drinks for the child” because the child is too cranky all day long with his block nose and endless coughing, his Mommy decided NOT to torment him further and let him take a few mouth from the ice-cold can drink.

What is the child learning? – It is alright to continue to take his health lightly. Getting well is no longer an issue, since I still get what made his health so bad.

When parents said “Homework first before play!”; Grandparents say “Its been a hard day at school, can’t you (parents) let him play first?”

When parents said “No more toys for you till your birthday!”; Grandparents turned their heads and went straight into the toy shop and grab that ‘child comforter’ to please their whining grandchild.

Whichever way, the child is so confused!

Is this a perfect excuse for parents/care-giver to say that its unpreventable to bring up a hard-to-discipline-child?

I do not know. All I can say is, even without the Grandparents under the same roof; between the Father and Mother, there are parenting conflicts too.

It all voice down to communication, isn’t?

Sit down! Talk it out! Set the Rules Straight!

For husband and wife, it would be easier. But is it all impossible to do the same between parents and grandparents of the child? I dare say NO.

It is POSSIBLE. Just need more that what it takes for one or two sessions of discussion. But most adults get sick of such parenting ‘negotiation’ too early, too soon….

Afterall, there is Generation Gap. Different Mindsets and Different Parenting Ideas.

To me, I pity the children who grow up in such confusing family. Because there is never a clear line drawn. Rules are bendable and promises are often broken.

I have very strict rules to some things and TOTALLY NO RULES to many others and so does Allan. There are times our values clash but we NEVER do it infront of our boys.

When one lectures, the other keeps quiet, no matter how much he wants to jump out from his skin to say “I DISAGREE!” *laugh*

Always sort it out when our boys are asleep or when they are away in school. Say out all the “I did not like what you do just now, because…..”, “I disagree with you doing that, because….”

It is always important to come to a conclusion to EVERY DISCUSSION between the different care-givers. So that whenever the child did “THAT” again, the same praise or punishment would be given, regardless who was taking care of him at that moment.

Tip of the Day: NEVER DISAGREE INFRONT OF THE CHILD.