I was as happy as a clam on Sunday when my eldest niece told me that she feels comfortable telling me everything, even matters pertaining to boy-girl-relationship, or BGR in short.
I am very happy that my own children has no problem telling me about their BGR too simply because I do NOT tease them and do NOT give negative comments.
Remember my post on how much a girl ‘begged‘ Kitkit to be her boyfriend more than 3 years ago? Read here if you had missed it “6 years old Boyfriend?”
Ever since then I had been checking on Kitkit on and off to see if he fancied any girl. So far no. Still white as a blank paper. He promised me that he WOULD tell me, if he ever do find one.
Yesterday, I wanted to know if Binbin would do the same. So while we were waiting for Kitkit to end his extra lessons, we had a short chat with Binbin.
Before I go into details, I think all parents SHOULD listen to their children when they fall in love, regardless of what age.
Never tell your child,
“You are too young for this.”
“You should be concentrating on your studies.”
or worse of all remarks
“Don’t tell me about BGR things. You should not be focusing on such things now.”
For goodness sake, Please DO NOT TEASE your child either.
The above reactions will only shun them away from you.
And before you realised it, they have STOPPED telling you everything that is happening in their lives.
By then, its too late for regrets.
Just listen and ask questions like as if it was YOUR FRIEND telling you about his/her love life and not interrogating a criminal, which I often witness what some parents do to their kids.
Allan mentioned something about girlfriends and Binbin snapped: “I only have one girlfriend.”
Allan: “What’s her name?”
BinBin: “K_ _ _ _ _ n.”
Allan: “Why do you say she is your girlfriend?”
And the whole story went from how they started with a simple occasion of helping each other to solve Maths questions and how they would bump into each other accidentally and laughed heartedly.
Throughout the conversation, I was loving his expressions.
With eyes looking upwards every now and then, as if recalling the incidents…..
It was precious!
That short 15mins chat was worth a Zillion dollars!
Allan continued to ask: “Do you spend time with her during recess?”
Allan: “But you play soccer during recess right?”
Binbin: “Yes, we sit together to eat. Then I spend half of the time playing soccer and half of the time with her.”
Then Binbin gave a very shy smile and went on to say: “We always go to our secret place.”
Allan and my eyes widened: “Secret Place?! Where?”
Me: “What do the two of you do there?” (Alright, I was expecting a kiss or something. *laugh* I was progressing too fast I think.)
Binbin went on to describe the place to us, a corner in the school which we are familiar with and he continued: “We chit chat, we play ‘chopsticks‘ and she tells me alot of things.”
My heart was melting.
Allan: “So did you get her phone number? Why didn’t she call you?”
Binbin: “No I didn’t. She cannot make phone calls. Her Mummy don’t like. Always want her to finish all her studies before she can make phone call. By then, very late already.”
“But another girl asked me for my number and I gave Mummy’s number to her. Since she asked me for my number, I asked her for her number also lor.”
Wahhh….a ‘triangle-love’ taking shape now.
I am thinking too much again.
Then Allan got serious and asked a couple of questions which I think is A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON FOR ALL PARENTS….
Allan: “Why didn’t you tell us about this before?”
Binbin: “Because you didn’t asked.”
Kids need us to SHOW INTEREST in their lives by asking.
We cannot wait for our kids to come to us to tell us everything.
They do not know if we would be interested to hear in the first place.
So Lesson One : Ask
Allan: “How would you feel if we tell you ‘Aiya, don’t tell us about who you like or who liked you. Don’t say anything about girlfriends.’ “?
Binbin: “I would be angry.”
When you tell your kids NOT to talk about a topic, you are showing disrespect to your child’s views.
When your child tells you something, it means its important to him/her.
By shutting him/her up, just because YOU are not interested, is directly telling him/her that you do not care.
More often than not, adults’ actions do not tally with what we say.
We do not mean harm, but that is NOT how our children see it.
So Lesson Two : Listen more and lecture less.
Allan: “If we say that to you and made you angry, will you still tell us about this in future when we ask?”
There you have it.
From a child’s mouth.
Your child will STOP telling you once you stop him/her from sharing his/her views with you.
And Lesson Three: Never say “I don’t want you to talk about this anymore.”
Because you will NEVER be able to unlock that part of your child again….
Is that what you want?
Binbin has a REAL Girlfriend!