I’ve mentioned before that Keatkeat, oh by the way, his name is pronounced as Kit and not Ki-at like most hokkien or teochew friends would call it. I thought its about time that I clarify this. When we are living in such a multi-language society like Singapore, it’s really hard to get some words right at times.

Like I was saying, I’ve mentioned before that Keatkeat’s shitting business is always a headache for me. Not that he is not trying hard enough, but it’s beyond his control.

His shit is always sticky and soft, unlike his little brother, whose shit is always completely ‘healthy-looking-hard-sexily-shaped‘ type of shit.

Because of the ‘nature’ of Keatkeat’s shit, he needs to use ALOT of toilet papers to get his anus truly cleaned. It usually takes about 20+ wipes to get that tiny hole at the rear feces-free!

At the beginning of last year, being new at school and completely shy, he did it on his pants standing in the middle of the entire class! He dare not tell the teacher and did not know what to do, so he just did what his body told him to do, like NIKE’s slogan – JUST DO IT!

Mdm Normah, his teacher reported the matter to Allan. When he reached there, Keatkeat was shivering like crazy, completely naked, standing in the air-conditioned toilet.

Allan told me that his shit was almost diarrhea-like so it stained his shirt, his shorts, his socks and his shoes!

Few minutes later, Mdm Normah handed over the in-case-of-emergency-uniforms (uniforms that were donated to the school by ex-students) to Keatkeat, who looked like a baby in an adult shirt.

The teachers were busy cleaning the mess. This reminded me of the worst encounter I had when I was a Child Care Centre Teacher, which I’ll tell tomorrow. Every other kid in class were having a no-hold-bars self-decide activities, completely free-and-easy. Allan said the whole place was in chaos and our dear firstborn was the creator of this drama.

Allan brought Keatkeat home for a complete wash, before he bring the boys over to my in-law’s house. That’s the usual routine for us when we had the stall in the past and before my sis-in-law is pregnant for the 3rd time.

I will go to my stall after bringing Keatkeat to school, while Allan will wait at home with Binbin till Keatkeat is off from school. Then after bringing the kids to my in-law’s house (a 30 mins car van ride), Allan will join me.

At 11am today, my handphone rang…

“Hi, this is Mdm Normah, is this Cheng Keat’s Mommy?”

“Hi Mdm Normah, yes…did something happen to Cheng Keat?”

“He told me he wants to pass motion but when I told him to go ahead and do it in the toilet, he insists on going home.”

I understand that some children are not comfortable doing the big business outside the comfort of their own toilet bowl at home, but Keatkeat has done it outside countless times already. I was a little surprised at his response. So I asked….

“Would you like me to talk to Cheng Keat over the phone right now?”

“I would prefer you to come down….errrrmmm is it convenient?”

HOW COULD I TELL YOU THE TRUTH? IT IS NOT CONVENIENT AT ALL BECAUSE I AM SHITTING AT THIS VERY MOMENT! (yes I bring my handphone into the toilet with me, so that I could play Sudoku)

But I couldn’t right? It would be so embarrassing right?

“No problem, but could you give me 10mins?”

But I need more than 10mins to get MY BIG BUSINESS done…though it’s only 3 mins walk from my house to the school, I definitely couldn’t reach there in 10mins, but what could I say….*Urrrggghhh* What an awful timing!

“Sure! So long as Cheng Keat could wait.” replied the teacher

I stepped on the ‘emergency brake‘ immediately! Yes I stopped my shit from coming out from my rear hole. Totally a wrong thing to do, totally an unhealthy thing to do, totally unnatural thing to do, but I did it, fearing the unimaginable at the same time.

When I reached there, the happy Keatkeat ran over and hug me. I placed my hands on his shoulders and choo-chooed him to the toilet.

Did he shit? NO!!!!!! He merely farted a couple of times loudly and pee-ed! That was it! Not a piece of shit came out!

I was HOT! Very Hot! Oh the sacrifice I made….and the reward I got was just a couple of unpleasant farts! Hey I was hoping for a mountain of stingy pile of SHIT *Urrrggghhhh*.…

“Why didn’t you go to the toilet when Mdm Normah told you to? Why did you insist on going home?”

“Because I am very shy.”

“You are afraid that your friends will laugh at you for passing motion?”

“Yes.” and he giggled away…..

*sigh* After that, I couldn’t shit anymore….