All About Your Child

“Monday is English examination day and he has problem constructing a sentence. Has problem with grammer, vocabulary, tenses…etc etc. He is poor in Mathematics too! And he is still very dreamy!”

Those words were from Keatkeat’s Teacher yesterday. We were not informed of any examinations at all.

So in a way, I thank her for the complains, ‘cos if it had not been that, then I would NEVER have known about the examination. *Wink*

So how do you handle Teacher’s Complaints? Its not all that bad, find the positive side of the complain and your heart will not be heavy. *smile*

Later did we found out that Keatkeat has double performance standard. What he can do at home, he cannot in school. This is something that I do not know how to improve unless I sit in school with him for a day (which is NOT allowed), to find out what made the difference.

Hhhmmm…… this is one puzzle yet to be solved.

Friends who have been reading my personal blog would likely have read the post call “A Big Sea, am I” over there.

That post did not refer to adults only , it referred to children too.

Today, something reminded me of a boy who once came across my path and told me his story. Later, I was lucky enough to speak with the ‘main characters’ whom he talked about and found myself pitying the boy. This was his story, I shall call him ‘S’…..

‘S’ was the first child to the family. His young parents were really lost in taking care of a newborn. So ‘S’ was fully taken care of by his Granny. All that the parents did was caress his little head each time they came home from work and then they would retire back to their bedroom.

‘S’ slept with Granny, ate with Granny, played with Granny. ‘S’ was more like Granny’s son, than a grandson.

Time passed. Granny had more and more issues with ‘S’s Mommy. They often quarreled and were unhappy staying under the same roof. But because of ‘S’, both women refused to stay separately.

Granny started to nag about ‘S’s Mommy. Granny even went to the extend of saying horrible things about ‘S’s Mommy to ‘S’.

“Your Mommy don’t love you. Look at her, doesn’t even play with you. Come home, eat dinner, go to bed. She is a horrible Mother.”

“Your Mommy is an idiot. Stupid Fool. Cannot even accomplish simple tasks.”

Years passed. ‘S’s brain had been conditioned to think that his Mommy was really such a terrible person. ‘S’ was too young to understand the complexity of the adults’ mind.

‘S’ hated his mother. ‘S’ had no respect for his mother.

Yet, instead of winning his son’s heart with time and communication, his mother used money to buy his love. She bought almost whatever ‘S’ asked for. Even though some of which were ridiculous request from a young child. ‘S’s Mommy would still pay for the item in order, or rather was hoping, to win the heart of her son.

But the bad image of ‘S’s Mommy was rooted too deeply into the child’s mind. No money could erase that black patch away.

‘S’ trusted no one except Granny.

Some time passed, Granny realised that her health was deteriorating. Her heart ached to realise that ‘S’ would be lonely. Granny in her old and confused mind decided to do something which I completely did not agree to and had tried to ‘convince’ her NOT to, but failed.

She decided to push ‘S’ away by doing things that ‘S’ did not like. Granny’s hope was to make ‘S’ dislike her, so that he could run to his mother and would not be too upset if Granny passed away.

Granny started to hit him. Scold him without a valid reason. Literally pushed him away and tell him how much she hated the sight of him. Awful statements like:

“Go away! The sight of you makes me puke!”

“You have become such a bad boy. I hate you. Get lost! Go to your Mother!”

“Don’t look at me. I do not even want to look at you. Everything that you do makes me sick!”

“Don’t talk to me. Don’t even feel like hearing your voice.”

The words got harsher over time and the hitting got worse.

But to ‘S’, Granny was all that he had and all that he cared for. So no matter what Granny said or did to him, he continued to stick close to her.

I told Granny that whatever she was doing would drive ‘S’ crazy! ‘S’ was only 8 years old then. But the old lady insisted. Yet her actions contradicted herself. She still bad mouthed ‘S’s Mommy to ‘S’, yet she kept pushing ‘S’ to his Mommy.

Can you imagine how confused the little boy was???!!!!

*sigh*

*shake head*

The last time I spoke with ‘S’, he told me, he hated BOTH of them.

*heart sank*

‘S’ and I are no longer in contact and I just wished that he is all happy and well now….

***Something I saw today reminded me of him, a child whom I  ‘counselled’ some years back. I needed to release my emotions, can’t help but to let it all out here……

A continuation from the this post…

Keatkeat’s first tooth has not fallen out yet, but its EXTREMELY shaky now…. Sooooooo excitingly eeewwww…. *laugh*

Having 3 Generations staying under the same roof can be a blessing AS WELL AS a confusion to a child.

When the Mommy scolds the child, he runs to the Daddy.
When the Daddy scolds the child, he runs to Grandma.
When the Grandma scolds the child, he runs to Grandpa.
When the Grandpa scolds the child, he runs to Mommy.

In any and every case, he gets the consolation and the coaxing.

Yet,
When Mommy said “No soft drinks for the child” because the child is coughing, his Daddy lets him go with his craving.
When Daddy said “No soft drinks for the child” because the child is having a running nose, his Grandma gives him a sip.
When Grandma said “No soft drinks for the child” because she is tired of taking care of a constantly ill kid, his Grandpa stepped in.
When Grandpa said “No soft drinks for the child” because the child is too cranky all day long with his block nose and endless coughing, his Mommy decided NOT to torment him further and let him take a few mouth from the ice-cold can drink.

What is the child learning? – It is alright to continue to take his health lightly. Getting well is no longer an issue, since I still get what made his health so bad.

When parents said “Homework first before play!”; Grandparents say “Its been a hard day at school, can’t you (parents) let him play first?”

When parents said “No more toys for you till your birthday!”; Grandparents turned their heads and went straight into the toy shop and grab that ‘child comforter’ to please their whining grandchild.

Whichever way, the child is so confused!

Is this a perfect excuse for parents/care-giver to say that its unpreventable to bring up a hard-to-discipline-child?

I do not know. All I can say is, even without the Grandparents under the same roof; between the Father and Mother, there are parenting conflicts too.

It all voice down to communication, isn’t?

Sit down! Talk it out! Set the Rules Straight!

For husband and wife, it would be easier. But is it all impossible to do the same between parents and grandparents of the child? I dare say NO.

It is POSSIBLE. Just need more that what it takes for one or two sessions of discussion. But most adults get sick of such parenting ‘negotiation’ too early, too soon….

Afterall, there is Generation Gap. Different Mindsets and Different Parenting Ideas.

To me, I pity the children who grow up in such confusing family. Because there is never a clear line drawn. Rules are bendable and promises are often broken.

I have very strict rules to some things and TOTALLY NO RULES to many others and so does Allan. There are times our values clash but we NEVER do it infront of our boys.

When one lectures, the other keeps quiet, no matter how much he wants to jump out from his skin to say “I DISAGREE!” *laugh*

Always sort it out when our boys are asleep or when they are away in school. Say out all the “I did not like what you do just now, because…..”, “I disagree with you doing that, because….”

It is always important to come to a conclusion to EVERY DISCUSSION between the different care-givers. So that whenever the child did “THAT” again, the same praise or punishment would be given, regardless who was taking care of him at that moment.

Tip of the Day: NEVER DISAGREE INFRONT OF THE CHILD.

More Parenting Tips Click Here…

For those of you who have been reading my blog for more than a year, would remember my many efforts and many blog posts about how I used all sorts of ways to make sure that my boys would NOT get myopia.

I feel EXTREMELY strongly about them wearing spectacles. I do NOT like my boys to wear spectacles because being boys, they are active and I would NOT like to see their active lifestyle hindered by that two pieces of glass infront of his eyes.

Yes, there are Lasik and contact lenses; but to me, its a flaw. I do NOT like it. I am very Extreme when it comes to this. Prejudice, bias… yes that’s how I feel towards this four-eyed-issue.

So this letter completely broke my heart. I am blaming myself now for NOT doing more. Shit me!

A re-check has been scheduled for next month. Till then, I am still hoping that it is due to his ’soft-spokeness’ which made the tester feel that he is unsure or might have heard him wrongly.

‘Cos that was what happened when he did his first eye-check in the Polyclinic few years ago. You know how ‘P‘ and ‘T‘ sound alike when they are said softly right? And not forgetting ‘S‘ and ‘F’ too.

Sigh…. maybe I am self-deluding… then again… till the re-check comes, I’m still hoping that it was a mistake made during the health check in school on 6th April.

QingMing is a time when Chinese pays respect to their loved ones who had passed away.

hot : Without fail, during this time of the year, it is one of the hottest days. With the extra smoke from the million of incense sticks, burning of those paper money, paper bungalows, paper convertibles, paper LV bags, paper mobile phone, paper massage chair….etc, no doubt they add on to the heat.

Allan was joking away saying that they should burn paper banks! “So much money received and no banks to earn interest??” *giggle*

His joke went further to paper ATMs machine, paper ATM cards, paper safe-box and paper Condominiums! *laugh* He said, “They can start renting out the Condos and earn a living….So many houses and bungalows, the land space should be running out, they should consider ‘building’ high rise.” *laugh*

His joking mood went to extremity when he remarked, “They only get to eat ONCE A YEAR! Aaawww… so pitiful, we should start burning paper restaurants!!!!” *huge laugh*

Alright, what has all these got to do with children?

Well, my boys loved it because they were asking countless questions as they listened to their dad’s funny deductions. *giggle*

I realised Keatkeat’s questions are getting more profound which I really like! It trains my brain to come out with even better answers.

“Why must we bring food?”
“How would we know when the ‘ghost’ of my greatgrandparents have finish their meal?”
“How would we know if they are still hungry and that we brought too little food for them?”
……..on and on and on….

Hot : Being surrounded by so much smoke and heat, it is surprising that the HUNDREDS who were there, were holding their tempers really well. It was some kind of mutual understanding that at such places, one should not flare up.

So did I get pissed being ‘interrogated‘ under such intense weather? No. I love questions~! The only way to learn is to ask questions! Keep them coming boys! *Smile*

(It is a taboo to take photos at the such places because you’ll never know when your camera might catch the image of a spirit having his meal.

So I took a quick shot. But you can still see the ‘mess’ in the background)

Yesterday was extra special: They had their very first chance to try Chewing Gum. Gum was banned in Singapore way before they were born. So to them, this is truly something new! For the very first time, their Papa said “Chew chew chew and don’t swallow.”

*laugh*

This is hilarious to me, because Every meal time, their Papa would always say “Chew chew chew for so long and still don’t swallow???!!! SWALLOW NOW!”

*laugh*

Binbin always welcome new things but not Keatkeat. So Binbin tried and made a genuine attempt to chew till it was tasteless.

Keatkeat passed the gum back to the giver (my eldest SIL) without even considering, yet he pretended so well in that photo (as if he can’t wait to get it into his mouth) What an actor! *eyes rolled* Any movie director or modeling company photographer reading this post? *wink*

First Chewing Gum experience review? Binbin shook his head and said, “Don’t like it. Don’t give me EVER again ah!” *giggle* He never liked the taste of peppermint anyway.

HOT : This morning, Keatkeat woke up with FEVER!!! 38.4. Guess the many glups of cool plain water and cans of ice-cold water yesterday did not help. *sigh*

Crossing my Fingers and Toes as I say this : I just hope it is NOT Dengue Fever. It is Peak Session for Dengue Fever and he was out the whole day and…. had 1 mosquitoe bite. *Fingers and Toes still crossed*

We will be off to the Clinic after fetching Binbin… let’s hope I would bring back good news…

Updated on 13th April 3.56pm: Thank you everyone. Doctor doesn’t know what was wrong. Anyway, Keatkeat is alright now. Took one day MC yesterday and back to school today.

A baby’s first language is cry. That is a God-given gift. That was the only way a baby can communicate his pain or discomfort.

Yet, when a parent rushes to him WHENEVER he went ‘wiaahh‘ a little, the baby is smart enough to know that crying has become a weapon.

The baby grows to a toddler and the weapon becomes even more powerful. From a tearless cry, the toddler has now ‘trained‘ his tear-glands to secrete liquid whenever he wants something; or worse, DEMANDS for something which he knows is forbidden.

Once the parent gives in once, there will be a second time and a third and the ‘cry-weapon‘ becomes DANGEROUS.

A parent, who is so used to giving in to the whims and fancies of the toddler, has become the victim of the ‘crying torturer’. Almost to the extend of so-long-as-you-could-stop-crying-I’ll-do-what-you-want.

Why did I say the ‘cry-weapon’ becomes Dangerous as the child grows? ‘Cos whoever made him cry, he would point at the person and the parent will SCOLD or PUNISH or HIT the new victim.

Over time, so long as the cry-master starts showing off his crying-kungfu, the parent, without even checking out the reason for the tears would start to ’shoot fire’ at the nearest person standing beside the crying child.

OVER THE YEARS, I had witnessed. So many times I had kept my mouth shut because no parent likes someone else, no matter who that person is, to scold his child.

But Today, enough is enough, no one ever let this little cry tyrant know that crying is a gift and NOT something to be abused, or worse, to be used against someone whom he does not like.

I raised my voice at him. He was shocked! For the very first time, he was the one being scolded when he is still sniffing up his mucus with his finger pointing at the poor victim.

He sat down, with his eyes wide on me. Volume went down too. I walked out of the room after giving him his first lecture. Did not even want to look at the parent’s face, ‘cos it would definitely be unpleasant.

I may have done wrong to scold him…. but my ‘little test’ has proven that this little tyrant can be subdued, if only the adults BOTHER to do it!

***I did something extraordinary today because this little tyrant’s ‘potential victimS ‘were having a wonderful quiet time playing together. I do NOT want him to spoil what is so blissful and rare.

Then again, to some, especially to the parent, this might not be an excuse to raise my voice on his child.….

Being thrifty can be a virtue, but being too thrifty can also cause embarrassment at times….

The strap-holder for Keatkeat’s old watch was lost on the very first day of school. Kids! *eyes rolled*

I tried to find a replacement for him, but to no avail. Thus I used a shortened rubber-band to act as the strap-holder.

Few weeks later, the glass dropped out. It was a super lucky day for Keatkeat to be able to find it back.

Allan and I chose to stick it back with Super-Glue. In the end, the ‘vapour’ or ‘acid’ from the glue blurred the glass.

It was until KeatKeat remarked that he cannot see the numbers clearly, that I realised there was no use in sticking to my ridiculous-thrifty principles, which was leaning more towards stinginess.

[LEFT] This WAS how Keatkeat’s watch looked like before I finally decided to buy him a replacement.

Yes, my 6 year old had been wearing this ‘awful’ watch to school for a number of days before he complained…before stingy Mommy finally decided to buy a new $3.50 watch for him [BELOW]: