All About Your Child

End of Co-Sleeping Days
When it comes to kids, “Go With The Flow” is my motto. When kids are not ready for the next step in their lives, parents should not force.

Its the same for weaning. Do it gradually. Do it when your child shows signs that he or she is ready for the change. If not, never force for convenience sake. Unless circumstances do not allow excess time for procrastination.

One year ago, my boys have been asking, “Mummy, when can I have my own bed?”

They had been sleeping on the floor all these years. Not literally of ‘cos!

They do not have their own beds, just mattresses on the floor. When their mattresses are placed on the floor beside our queen size bed, that is exactly the length of my room. So there are no inches left for any bed frames to fit into my room.

Thus I often reply, “Wait till Ah Yee gets married and moves out, then the two of you can put your beds in her big room.”

And so they waited.

Waited for the marriage proposal…
Waited for the confirmation of the wedding date…
Waited for the preparation days…
Waited for the final day…

Their many waits were over by 6th December 2011.

Keatkeat wanted to sleep in my sister’s room that very night she got married, but everyone was too tired to shift the furniture in her room when we reached home at 1:00am plus after the wedding dinner; so Keatkeat had to wait for another day.

7th December morning, we started to shift the furniture in my sis’s ex-room, but there was little we could do because most of her things were still intact. We just managed to shift enough for Keatkeat to move his mattress over to sleep on the floor.

The boys and I had a pact.
When they have their own room, I will stop sitting beside them and watch them enter into dreamland every night. Instead, I will hug and kiss them, tuck them in bed, say “Good Night” and leave them alone in the room.

Binbin was not as ready as his elder brother, so he continued to sleep in my room, while Keatkeat slept in his new room, which is big enough to fit almost 4 queen size beds, all by himself. *Grin*

Binbin still prefers to have me beside him, watching him falls asleep slowly… One hand and one leg on me, hugging me like a bolster….

So how was Keatkeat first night?

A little afraid.
So I took out my Little Twin Stars night light from my Little Twin Stars collectible box and ‘lend‘ it to him.
After that, he fell asleep on his own without any issue. *Thumbs Up*

8th December morning, Keatkeat told me that he had good dreams throughout the night. One of it was with his Ah Yee. Guessed he misses her dearly… Then he said to his younger brother, “Binbin, you should sleep in this room if you want to have good dreams. This room gives  you good dreams.”

Oh man! It worked!

Binbin made a decision there and then to sleep in their playroom cum bedroom that night.

So how was Binbin’s first night? PERFECT with the night light switched on.

9th December night.
Binbin refused to sleep and said he wanted me to lie beside him in the new room. I reminded him of our agreement. Expecting him to rebut me with his usual lengthy reasoning, instead he walked back into the room and fell asleep in less than 10mins. *Thumbs Up* Aaawww… my boy has really grown up….

There after, my 6 year old and 8 year old had been enjoying their room. They play there, sleep there, quarrel there, make up there… it IS their all in one room.

Though my Little Twin Stars night light is still needed to give Binbin that extra sense of security, I am happy that they are finally able to fall asleep without the need for me to be beside them.

*Thumbs Up*

Now, the next challenge would be the beds, which are coming this Saturday. Will they wake up in the middle of the night with their faces flat on the floor? *Shrugged*

We will find out after Saturday…

*fingers crossed*

End of Co-Sleeping Days

Does Your Child have these Bad Habits
Now that his friend reads my blog, I think it is better not to mention his name in this particular post. Well, I have more than one child. So take your pick and guess which child am I referring to…

Alright, my parent-child relationship with this boy of mine has been more of an uphill ride than anything else. Today, I am not going to talk about bad behaviour like being rude or lack of respect. This time my focus is on physical bad habits. These are his current bad habits that are driving Allan and I nuts!

1. He likes to stick out his tongue whenever he speaks. Almost very word he says has the ‘th-sound’ in it.

2. He often ask questions that none of us can understand and we need to probe many times before we finally understand what he is trying to ask. For example, “Mummy, why like that?” he asked pointing at something nowhere.

Me: “What like that?”
He: “Why not straight?”
Me: “What is not straight?!”
He: “That picture.”
Me: “Which picture?!!!”
He: “There! That picture on the lamp pole!”
Me: “That picture is straight! Why do you say its not straight?!”
He: “I mean the table in the picture is not straight, can’t you see?!”
*Super Eyes Rolled*

3. He likes to eat like a dog. He does not like to scoop up his food and put inside his mouth. He likes to scoop the food to the edge of the plate or bowl and bend his head down to eat from the edge of the plate or bowl.

4. He needs to pass motion in the middle of his meal. Either lunch or dinner time. This happens 98 times out of 100! Its especially irritating when we are eating at a coffeeshop whereby there is no toilet paper and obviously the Gents toilet seats are wet with urine. *eyes rolled*

To me, I think it is a health issue more than anything. This habit in particular does NOT drive me crazy, but it sure lit up the flame in his dad, who would scream at him whenever he says while he is still eating, “I want to go pass motion.” Because after accompanying my boy to the toilet, his dad has no more appetite to eat.

5. When you ask him to do something, eg. Wipe The Table. He would say cheerfully, “Ok!” And he would slap the wet cloth on the table, slide it across the table once to the left, once to the right and say “DONE!’ To him, so long as the table is wiped, it is done. He would argue, “You didn’t say it has to be every part of the table.” So everything that is instructed must be precise to the very last point! *faint*

6. Whenever Allan or I tell him to stop doing something, he would reply cheerfully, “Ok!” and would stop doing it. But in LESS THAN 10 seconds, he will do it again! No joke, its really less than 10 seconds!

7. Of ‘cos not forgetting his habitual farting which drives everyone in the family crazy?! At the dinner table, in the lift, in the car, in an air-conditioned place… you name it, he has done it in all possible places (almost). To me, I strongly believes that it is another health issue, so I am NOT angry but more of feeling helpless. His farting makes everyone else so pissed and lots of scolding and yelling at him will start, and THAT is not something that I like.

8. THIS IS HIS LATEST ADD-ON to his list of Bad Habits: He likes to rub his perspiration on his neck with his chin. He would bend his neck and RUBs meat over meat with his lower jaw slanted one side, mouth slightly open and tongue stuck out. I am sorry to say this, but whenever he does that, he has the retarded look and I REALLY do not like it. In fact, it is driving Allan MAD!

It has progressed from once in a few minutes to a few times in one minute. It IS getting from bad to worse and I do not know how to solve it. We told him to do it infront of the mirror, so that he could see how he looks, and he agreed that he looked ugly and did not like it; yet he choose to say that it is beyond his control. *scream*

Now it is no longer about perspiration. Even if he is NOT perspiring, he is still doing it! Can you imagine how awful it is when he keeps doing it as he speaks? He REALLY looks like a retarded person! *heartpain*

In the past, he used to have other bad habits too and they died over time. The less rooted bad habits were gone after rewards system was implemented. Others needed more time, more patience, more reminders before he could get rid of them.

But THIS LAST BAD HABIT on the list above is rather worrying because we noticed that it is affecting this posture, as one side of the shoulder is higher now because of the frequent tilting of the head and bending of the neck to one side.

So far, we have tried endless reminders. It is not working. He would say “Ok! I’ll stop.” cheerfully and do it again in less than 10seconds. *eyes rolled*

So now we are hoping that GOGO’s Crazy Bones can do the trick, since it is the thing that he wants most now. We said we would buy him a packet when he could stop doing it for one day, but the packet must remained unopened.

If he did not do that action for the second day, he can open the packet and take ONE Gogo out.

If he continues to control that bad habit on the third day, he can take the Second Gogo out.

And if he succeeds in ‘killing’ that bad habit on the fourth day, he can take the Last Gogo out from the packet.

And in all good faith, by not doing that ugly action in four straight days, we hope that it would be gone for good.

Ever since this agreement was made, two days have passed, and he has yet to achieve step one. Yes, he has NOT been able to control that action for one full day at all. Can you see how worried I am now?

Improvement has been minimal, but at least I can see that he IS really making a genuine effort to stop that bad habit. So long as his effort does not fade, my faith in him will not waver.

*fingers crossed*

Does Your Child have these Bad Habits

“I Can’t Get Full Marks already!!!”

That was Keatkeat’s scream when we fetch him from school today. Today is his Mathematics Exam Paper. He has always been having high hopes in his Maths. Maybe it was me, who have been telling him continuously that Maths is the ONLY subject that you can score full marks in and that his brain is great for Maths so long as he concentrates and not zoom out to dreamy land. [But he has proven me wrong when he got full marks for his English mock paper.]

Since young he was able to comprehend Maths questions in a very logical but shortcut way, which was not taught by anyone. Whenever I ask him, “Who taught you to solve this question using this method?” He would always reply, “My Brain.”

So I have been complementing him, “Your Brain for Maths is as good as My Father’s, who is your Grandfather. It is a pity that the two of you never met (my dad passed away when I was 18). If not I think you two will have lots of Maths tricks to talk about.” *giggle*

So why did he said in frustration, “I Can’t Get Full Marks already!!!” ?

Because of this question:

What number multiply by 2 gives you 36 and when subtract gives you 13?

Both Allan and I doubt that Keatkeat has remembered the question correctly. There are bound to be some missing words, but Keatkeat insisted that he has told us the question word for word.

Keatkeat: “I want to get full marks for Maths and this is the ONLY question which I do not know how to do. So I was very frustrated. So I kept reading the question many times. This is how the question was asked, I did not leave out any words.”

But based on what he said, its impossible to solve this Primary two question, isn’t?

*scratch head*

I Can’t Get Full Marks already!!!

I have been unhappy for too long to keep quiet about this.
I miss my ‘old’ Binbin.

The Binbin who is always cheerful and greets people with a big smile.
The Binbin who wakes up smiling every morning.
The Binbin who does things Fast and Well.
The Binbin who listens to instructions and do as he is told.
The Binbin who has a body made of steel and hardly wail out loud even when he is bleeding, only silent tearing.
The Binbin who eats fast and finishes all there is on his plate/bowl.
The Binbin who is willing to try new food or drink.
The Binbin who is never shy to walk up to a stranger and ask questions.
The Binbin who never uses a rude or harsh tone when he talks.
The Binbin who hardly complains because he is always saying positive things like “Jiayou!” (don’t give up, move on)

Yes, that was my Binbin; you can read the post “Dedicated To My Son – Binbin” and you can tell how hard it is for me not to love that little fellow. Though the post was made just before he turned three, his character then was pretty much the same for him for the next 2 years too.

Yes, the unpleasant change came when he turned 5. The time when Keatkeat started his Primary School life. Am I blaming on Keatkeat? No, I am blaming myself for not being able to help Keatkeat snap out of his ‘dreamy’ self after almost 2 years in Primary School.

When Keatkeat started Primary One last year, I left him alone to handle his studies for the first six months. I believe in letting the child grows at his/her own pace first. If he/she can handle = Good! If he/she has shown through his/her results that help is needed, then I will step in.

Six months! His school teachers for every subject complained to us that he is too dreamy and is always in his own world during lesson time, so much so that he is not able to perform as he is required by his teacher. He will miss out instructions and hence would not hand in what is needed or would do the wrong worksheets or answer the wrong questions.

So ever since those complains came flooding in, I stepped in for English and Maths, while Allan stepped in for Chinese. But Allan’s bad temper had made Keatkeat dislike Chinese to the core! Read this post from my personal blog “Red Hot Temper” to know how bad it was. So even though he did this to salvage the situation later, the damage was already done.

So I am teaching three subjects and I would ask Allan to step in only when my patience has been sucked dry by Keatkeat.

And because of all of Keatkeat’s bad habits, one simple worksheet can take up to 2 hours! Imagine when he has one worksheet for each subjects! I hardly have time for anything else! I need to sit beside him to keep calling his soul back from outer space!

In the beginning, Binbin who always does his worksheets fast, ended up playing alone and got bored really fast. Then he would come to me, “Mummy, can you play with me?” “Sorry, I can’t baby. Your GorGor needs me here.” will be my usual reply and he would walk away with his head down.

As time goes on, Binbin’s time-alone got longer and longer. And that was when the HUGE CHANGE for the Worse began. He started to become the opposite of the ‘Good‘ list written above in the beginning of this blog post.

He began to cry very easily.
He is always grumpy.
He complains more than anything else.
He is rude and speaks with a bossy tone.
He no longer greets people without being told to do so.
He has become very violent.
He is unable to control his emotions when he gets too excited and end up with injuries.
He has become very petty and gets angry over the slightest thing.
He has become more stubborn than before and refused to listen to whatever that is not inline with what he believes is right.
He still tries to argue his way round, even though he realised he is in the wrong.
He starts to do all sorts of absurd things just to get my attention, even if it means he would get scolded.

I understand why he did what he did, because I have to agree that I have swung from the ‘have lots of play time with him‘, to ‘ZERO time with him‘.

I REALLY do NOT like this Enormous Change in Binbin over the past 1 year plus.

Only during RARE OCCASIONS or RARE MOMENTS does he go back to his ‘old’ lovable self.

And so I have started to scold him 100x more than before. Until that day he shouted at me as he wailed, “Stop Scolding Me! You Don’t Scold Me Last Time! You Always Say I Am Your Good Boy! Now You Scold Me All The Time! I Am Very SAD!” and he ran into the bedroom and cried his heart out.

My heart bled.
I am unhappy.

Very unhappy because I could not find a solution to this till Keatkeat can snap out of his ridiculous outerspace fantasies during worksheet time.

I missed cuddling him in bed and chit chat for hours.
I missed seeing him giggle and laugh heartily.
I missed his positive self and carrying a smile on his face.
I missed his sharing and caring personality.
I missed his maturity and understanding character.
I missed the ‘old’ Binbin badly…..

Binbin is what he is today because I have neglected him. Because he is so independent, I took for granted and I am so terribly wrong!!!

So I have decided to make a big change. I have started to make a cautious effort to be with Binbin ALONE, just the two of us, for at least an hour each day and hope its good enough. Even if it means I have a pile of stinky clothes yet to wash, a floor sticky and dusty, a blog left untouched….

I will live with regret if years down the road I realised I could have done something earlier to stop the ‘decay’ in Binbin and I didn’t….

Mummy loves you Bin…

I miss my ‘old’ Binbin

My blogger friend, Adeline, shared this beautiful post on Facebook. I think it fully describes how every parent feels…..

My child,

When I get old, I hope you understand ‘n have patience with me
In case I break the plate, or spill soup on the table because I’m losing my eyesight,
I hope you don’t yell at me.
Older people are sensitive, always having self pity when you yell.
When my hearing gets worse ‘n I can’t
hear what you’re saying, I hope you
don’t call me ‘Deaf!’
Please repeat what you said or write it
down.

I’m sorry, my child.
I’m getting older.
When my knees get weaker, I hope you have the patience to help me get up.
Like how I used to help you while you
were little, learning how to walk. Please bear with me, when I keep
repeating myself like a broken record, I hope you just keep listening to me.

Please don’t make fun of me, or get sick of listening to me.
Do you remember when you were little ‘n you wanted a ballon?
You repeated yourself over ‘n over until you get what you wanted.
Please also pardon my smell. I smell like an old person.
Please don’t force me to shower.
My body is weak.
Old people get sick easily when they’re
cold. I hope I don’t gross you out.
Do you remember when you were little? I
used to chase you around because you
didn’t want to shower.
I hope you can be patient with me when
I’m always cranky. It’s all part of getting
old. You’ll understand when you’re older.
‘n if you have spare time, I hope we can
talk even for a few minutes.
I’m always all by myself all the time, ‘n
have no one to talk to.
I know you’re busy with work. Even if you’re not interested in my
stories, please have time for me. Do you remember when you were little? I
used to listen to your stories about your
teddy bear.

When the time comes, ‘n I get ill ‘n
bedridden, I hope you have the patience
to take care of me. I’m sorry if I accidentally wet the bed or
make a mess.
I hope you have the patience to take
care of me during the last few moments
of my life.
I’m not going to last much longer, anyway.

When the time of my death comes, I
hope you hold my hand ‘n give me
strength to face death. ‘n don’t worry..
When I finally meet our creator, I will
whisper in his ear to bless you. Because
you loved your Mom and Dad.

~ this is for my Keatkeat and Binbin too