All About Your Child

My 5 year old Keatkeat has been so excited lately about his first molar.
“Mommy, I’ve got new teeth… See?!?! Ahhhh….. Can you see it? Ahhhh….. It’s coming out! Ahhhhh….. This side (right) and this side (left). Ahhhh…..”

Today, a different sentence, “Mommy!!! My teeth is shaking!” A face full of excitement with an index finger shaking his Lower Central Incisors vigorously.

“Mommy, I am a bit scared. Because when I bite food now, these 2 teeth (Shaky Central Incisors) are painful and my gums become painful…

But I am more excited than scared to see my new teeth because I can bite bigger things and harder things. So when Mommy? When will my teeth drop?! I’m sooooooo excited!!! “

“It just might be tomorrow… We shall see!”

“Yippee!!! This is soooooooo exciting!”

I’m starting to wonder if expectations are the downfall of effective parenting.

Of cos, there is over-expectations and there is under-expectations. Where do you draw the line? ‘Good-Enough-Expectations’ that can motivate your child to move forward and yet not too over-consuming that he can’t even breathe. I’m finding that line…I’m struggling to find that line fast….

Its been a really tough year for us to handle the 4year old Keatkeat. Now that he is already 5+years old, we don’t see improvement, we witness deterioration.

Do you have a kid who develop ‘backwards’? I’m facing one everyday and by having another younger child who advances so rapidly, beyond his peers’ abilities, it just makes the retrogression of the elder child that much more significant.

From Motor skills to Habits to Learning abilities to Storing what was learned in his memory files, I see him moving the opposite direction. Below are just 4 examples out of many others:-

• He used to be able to semi-control his chopsticks, now he can’t even maneuver his fork and spoon!

• He used to put his milk bottle back on the table after drinking; now he just leave it lying beside his pillow and walked out of the bedroom.

• He used to be able to understand a concept with one simple explanation, sometimes even completing the unfinished sentence for me; now even after going through elaborate explanation several times over, he still can’t see the picture.

• He used to be able to absorb what was taught weeks or even months ago, now he has even forgotten how to write certain alphabets or write them in mirror image! Yes, it was NORMAL when he was in Nursery, but the whole year of K1, he had NEVER repeated such mistakes. Now that he is in K2, his standard has slipped back to where he was in Nursery.

How come? We (Allan and I) constantly question ourselves. We STRONGLY believe there is NOTHING wrong with him because there were still random occasions where he did the above the right way; So we believe its just another WEIRD transition period to test our parenting skills.

I’ve always believe parenting tactics SHOULD CHANGE as our children grow. What works on a pre-schooler may NOT work on a teenager. They are human, they are NOT robots; Antidote to one could be poison to another.

In the beginning, we thought it might be a way of ‘stealing’ our attention from the loud rooster brother. So we changed DELIBERATELY, giving him more one-to-one time with us. Hugged and kissed him twice as much. But it never seemed ‘Good Enough‘, in fact it made him wanted such favoritism that much more; so much so that he started to put his brother down with sentences like, “Mommy loves me more than you!” No matter how many times we corrected that sentence the very next second.

As times passed, we changed our view, we thought he might have lost interest in what used to capture his attention. So we tested. But the more we conduct trials, the more we realized his couldn’t-be-bothered attitude magnified in multiple areas.

We amended our methods again, we were determined to find back the ever-so-keen-to-learn son. To our shock, we discovered he had mastered a powerful skill known as ‘I’m NOT Listening’.

You can tell him “Keatkeat, it should be done this way.” coupled with reasons, examples and even demonstrations. THE VERY NEXT MINUTE, he did the WRONG thing AGAIN! And this can be done as many times as my fingers on one hand BEFORE he did it right. Unbelievable!

We were heading nowhere. We sat down and discussed when they were sound asleep. My motto is ‘Understanding Your Child Eliminates Frustrations in Parenting’ and now I’m frustrated, ‘cos I don’t understand my Keatkeat anymore. When I don’t understand the cause of it, how then can I cure it?

Having a Scorpio-Goat son is a double dosage of indolence, jealousy and secrecy. It can be extremely strenuous to the boiling point with constant persuasion, with never-ending reassurance and continuous probing before you finally get him to be on the go again, to accept that his parents DO NOT belong to him and him alone and for him to tell you exactly what’s on his mind.

Having a son who gets sick so easily just made the challenge that much more intense. Envy me don’t you? ‘Surprises that increases my creativity’ are gifts from my Keatkeat every day.

What REALLY gets on my nerves is Persistently doing things that he KNOWS is NOT Likable.

From an eager-to-please boy, he has become an Irritating one now.

“Keatkeat, do you think we like what you are doing?” Often the very first question.

“No.” With a little guilty expression written on his face.

“Keatkeat, by doing ‘that’ how do you think we feel?” We questioned further.

“You don’t like. You will be angry with me.” Answer without hesitation.

“And you like us to be angry with you?” Seeking confirmation.

“No.” Affirmative.

“Why do you still choose to do it then?” Needing a good explanation

“I don’t know.” as he shrugged his shoulders.

We reasoned, we pleaded, we coaxed, we handed out punishments, we took away privileges. Nothing worked so far. He still does it when the mood-to-irritate comes knocking on his door again.

Exhaustion made me broke down a couple of times. Frustration made me flare up too often. Sense of helplessness made me said words I’ve yet to regret.

I’ve STOP expecting my ‘old’ boy to come back.
I’ve STOP expecting my boy to perform what a 5, 4 or even 3 year old can.
I’ve STOP expecting my boy to do things that he KNOWS is Right.

I realised the cause of all the frustrations was due to the mismatch of expectations to performance.

Am I giving up? I wish I could but I can’t, ‘cos if I – THE PARENT give up, who else will give my boy another chance? Many say I’m too skinny. When you exert so much energy every single day I guess its hard for the fats to stay for long. So even if it means to leave me with skin and bone, I’m not giving up.

Purpose of recording this down is with the hope of having a triumphant post in future….

Binbin didn’t sleep till 1am last night. Nope, no tantrums, nothing out of the ordinary. He was just too excited and happy yesterday because everything went smoothly for him the whole day, that was the caused of his insomia.

He did so well for his very first attempt on ‘Bowling Buddies’ on my Facebook, got a couple of spares. His face was glowing with pride as he slowly fell asleep. Come to think of it, my Facebook games are played by everyone else except me, the owner of the account…Allan loved the games and was so addicted to it, which got the kids involved in it too and now Keatkeat is so good in the ‘Bowling Buddies’ that my sis opened a Facebook account just for him a few months ago….

When Binbin was truly in dreamland, my tummy was growling so loud I couldn’t ignore. So I got up, wanted to eat some Cheese Rings to shut my tummy up, but it went on with its protest till I had my bowl of instant noodles.

So Allan and I watched one of his favourite show ‘Dirty Jobs’ on Discovery Channel as I gobbled down that bowl of hot noodle soup. When that was done, I was too full to sleep (I do have a problem, don’t I…hmmmm…).

We kept switching channels till we saw a (repeat telecast) local Mandarin comedy variety program called ‘Conscience Found’ (in English).

The topic was on parenting. They acted out how parents through common practises slowly but surely spoiled their child, unknowingly. When they finally realised it, it was too late to turn back the clock…the show ended with this sentence…

(translated in English)
Kids are adorable,
but there are moments when they could be a pain in the ass too.
If we are too lenient towards them,
the consequence may turn out to be lamentable.

What are your thoughts about the above? I’m on the brink of breaking my angel-like patience with my 4-year-old Keatkeat already. Yes, I’ve mentioned before the characteristics of a 4-year-old. I thought I was prepared for it. Afterall, I’ve taught 4-years-old before and that was a whole bunch of them when I was in Child Care.

But then I realised that IT WAS DIFFERENT when it comes to your own kids, its just NOT THE SAME….you witness the change from a little angel to a little ‘devil’, someone who used to listen and goes with your whims and fancies has changed into someone who is all out to irritate you and when your confront him:

Me: “Keatkeat, why did you do this?”

Keatkeat: *Shrugged his shoulders*

Me: “Do you know by doing this, you will irritate me?”

Keatkeat: “Yes.”

Me: “Then why did you still do it?!”

Keatkeat: *Giggled* “I don’t know.”

Me: “You think it’s funny to this or it’s funny to irritate me?”

Keatkeat: *Giggled more*

(Then the man of the house would step in)

Allan: “Don’t need to talk to him, he never learns, let him feel physical pain, that’s how he will learn.”

Me: “Keatkeat, I don’t like to scold you and I don’t want to beat you like Papa, can you please (beggingly) stop all these nonsense?”

Keatkeat: “Sorry Mommy.”

Just when you have forgotten about the issue, he did it again in another way!!!! *Urgghhhhh* Then before I can open my mouth, Allan whacked him….you think that solved the problem? NO!!!!! ‘cos when the pain on the skin is long gone, Keatkeat is up to his mischief AGAIN! That’s how difficult a 4-year-old can be!!!!

So to me, those words of advice I saw at the end of the programme set me thinking….its not only about your parenting style its about changing your parenting style to suit the changing development stages of your child as he goes through self-exploration and changes in his personality before he is moulded and ‘take-shape’ permanently as a grown-up – that’s the challenging part!

My 4-year-old had his development assessment check at the Polyclinic. His performance for his eye sight was perfect. So far so good, remember my post on my super duper high myopia and how terrified I would be, if it could affect my boys….so no worries for now.

Gentle reminder from the nurse, “Don’t introduce computer games to him till he is 6 years old. Many kids have myopia as high as 300-400 when they reach 5 years old, all because of computer games and too much TV-watching.”

But the biggest words that came out from her mouth was, “Underweight & under-height.”

An average kid of Keatkeat’s age should be at least 107cm tall and weighs 17kg. But Keatkeat is standing at 100cm tall and weighed 15kg.

The nurse checked on Binbin (the 15month younger boy) and made a remark that I hear almost everyday from strangers, “I thought they were twins.”Binbin stand tall at 97cm (3cm shorter than his brother) and weighed 14.5kg (only 0.5kg lighter than his brother). “The younger brother must have been eating his brother’s share of food….” giggled the nurse.

But we know, with Binbin’s eating habits which comprises of so much vegetables and fruits in his diet, its hard that he doesn’t grow faster than other kids of his age.

Binbin passed with flying colours for his 2-3 years old development assessment and all the other on-the-spot tests like ‘name the animal’ and ‘blocks stacking’. Below is the development tracker for 4-6 years old and Keatkeat could do what was beyond his age pretty well, do you know of a child of this age group? Could he/she do these:

Personal Social
45.5mths – Your child uses a friend’s name when referring or speaking to the friend.

51mths – Your child can brush his teeth with some help.

54mths – Your child can dress himself up completely and correctly without help except for tying shoe laces and buttoning or zipping the back of dresses.

Fine Motor-Adaptive
47mths – When shown a picture card of a circle, your child can draw a figure approximating a circle that is closed or very nearly closed.

50mths – When shown a picture of a cross, your child can draw two lines, not necessarily straight exactly, which intersect at any point.

56mths – When shown a picture card of a square, your child can draw a figure with straight lines and with 4 square corners.

57.5/62.5mths – When asked to draw a picture of a boy or girl, your child can draw at least 3 or 6 parts.

Language
52mths – Your child can count from 1 to 10 in correct sequence.

55.5mths – When asked on the functions of a cup, a pencil and a chair, i.e. “What is a cup used for?”, your child can give the correct answers to all 3 questions.

63.5mths – When shown coloured blocks in red, blue, green and yellow one at a time, he can name as least 3 colours correctly.

Gross Motor
41mths – Your child can jump breadth-wise across a piece of A4 size paper, without landing on the paper.

41.5mths – Your child can peddle a tricycle.

53.5mths – Your child can hop at least 2 times in a row, on one foot, without holding to any support.

How did your child fare?

Since my little one has turned 3 on Sunday, we called up the Polyclinic to schedule him for the development assessment sometime next week.

So while we wait for that day to come, we went through the development checklist given. A whole list of stuff, which we had to put a tick on the “Yes” or “No” box, before Binbin goes for the test at the Polyclinic. Do you know of a 2-3 years old kid? Could he or she do these:-

24mths – Your child can completely remove any of his own clothing such as the shirt, shoes or pants.

24.5mths – your child plays imaginatively, like playing with a doll and pretending to comb the doll’s hair.

34mths – your child can put on any of his own clothing like underpants, socks or shoes.

45.5mths – your child uses a friend’s name when referring or speaking to the friend.

23/29/35.5mths – your child can put 4 blocks, 6 blocks or 8 blocks, one on top of the other, without the blocks falling. This applies to small blocks of about one inch square in size.

38.5mths – demonstrate drawing a vertical straight line to your child and tell him to draw one like yours. Answer “yes” if he can make a fairly vertical line of less than 30 degrees inclination. He is not allowed to trace the line and the line should be more than 5 cm long but does not have to be perfectly straight.

46.5mths – draw two lines, 4 and 5 cm long, side by side on a card. Ask the child to point to the longer line.

25.5/28.5mths – show your child 5 black and white drawn picture cards, size of 6 by 8 cm, of a dog, bird, fish, bus, and baby. When asked to point to each picture, one at a time, making sure the pictures are being moved around after each time, he can point 2 pictures and 4 pictures correctly.

27mths – your child uses a combination of at least two words to make a meaningful phrase that indicated an action like “play ball”, “want drink”.

30/37mths – show your child 5 black and white drawn picture cards, size of 6 by 8cm, of a dog, bird, fish, bus, and baby. When asked to name each picture, one at a time, he can name 2 pictures and 4 pictures correctly.

40mths – When asked “How old are you?”, “Are you a boy or a girl?”, “What is your name?”, your child gives the correct answer 2 out of 3 questions.

21.5mths – your child can walk up several steps of the staircase by himself. He may use the wall or rail for support but not hold on to a person.

24.5mths – your child can walk down several steps of the staircase by himself. He may use the wall or rail for support but not hold on to a person.

26mths – without holding on to any support, your child can kick a small ball like a tennis ball in a forward direction.

32.5mths – without holding on to any support, your child can jump up with both feet off the floor at the same time.

33mths – your child can throw a small ball overhand, not sideways or underhand, straight towards you with reasonable aim within your arm’s reach and between your knees and head.

Just like I’ve mentioned in that post, Binbin’s development has always been on the express train. He is able to do (sometimes even better) what a child, who is 9 months older than him, does. So this was chicken-feet to him.

So how did your child fare?